[Psyclox]

I woke up this morning and felt really bad, so bad I didn't even talk until I picked up dad and that was at about for this afternoon, I mean how I can I go on in life when all I think about is the one person that i love, I can't see her, I can't sms her, I can't visit her and its taking alot out of me my mind is racing with thoughts of her, is she thinking of me, is she worried about me, is she even upset that we arn't talking right now, those are the question that are ghetting to me and they are making me very paranoid, I start thinking what if she finds sum1 what if she forgets me what if she hates me and i just can't take it any more, she found out I tried to kill myself and she told me over the phine that I shouldn't get a downer or do sumthing stupid like go and kill myself over her and I am really starting to think that that might be the answer to my pain and suffering and Zack is all for it (y wouldn't he b). I'm just really sick and tired of the pain and anguish that I feel, I just wish that I could I end it all.

[seeker1950]

Well, Psy...
I'm sad to hear how hard this is for you, and I'm sure others here feel the same. You are not alone!
I just went thru something very similar, and felt much as you have described. I came here with my story and sorrow and questions and got helped!
I've also done lots and lots of reading....books to help one thru this. One book talks about trying to view this experience as a "new beginning" rather than an ending. These feelings you have are telling you that you are very much alive...your feelings are raw but your senses are also very keen at this time. Try practicing "being in the moment", concentrating on your surroundings, how things feel touching against you, your breathing, what you're doing at that specific time. Each time a thought of her comes to mind (and I realize at the early stage you are in, it's most all the time!), train and force your mind to refocus on something else, even your breathing. It feels like small baby steps at first, but eventually it will help you, and even when you have only a few minutes of clear thought, it's a big victory.
I want you to think about another thing too, Psy....Do you really want to devote so much of your emotional energy on someone who has rejected you? Think about it! You are worth so much more and your precious thoughts and ernergy can focus now on your own recovery.
Sending calm and peaceful thoughts.
Seeker

[Psyclox]

I thank you for the advice, and I shall take it to heart, its just so hard to just forget about her even though I know she does not feel the same way as I do about her, I mean why does one have to go through all the pain and torment to just find that right person the person who will love us back and just be there for us when we need sum1, love is just so complicated and I just wish I could get over her just like that but i can't and it will take time, but what I really fear is what if I convince myself that I'm over her and then I see her and all the feeling come rushing back.

[seeker1950]

Psy,
I was just thinking about that today...What if I would run into him? How would I feel? What would my reaction be? This thought came to me as I was leaving class at the university, and I actually visualized the whole scenario. You know what? I wouldn't react; I would feel NOTHING!!! I could barely acknowledge him! This was how it played out in my mind. Why???
Because he moved on happily, not suffering at all, while I have worked my *** off to recover! And am still doing so.
My grandpa used to say, "Don't cast your pearls before swine." That is what I did, and even the prolonged thoughts of him are perpetuating that. I deserve better, and so do you!
Another thing which comes to mind, is that this girl may be intrigued by your apparent indifference to her, after showing her how much you cared. Beware.
Seeker