Having a really rough time

Hi everyone. I've been having a really rough time. I'm dealing with a bunch of resurfaced triggers that I thought I have worked through, and they're all feeding into my feelings of inferiority/uselessness. The feelings are approaching self loathing to some degree but not as bad as in the past.

These things were compounded by an all nighter I pulled in order to accompany my boyfriend on a roadtrip he was dead set on but in my opinion not prepared to make (10 hours driving in less than 24 hours, on 0 sleep).


I need help but I'm having trouble even contacting my therapist to get an appointment set up.

Some feelings in my blog: http://turquoisesea.livejournal.com/

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time lately... Please, try to let your T know about this as soon as you feel ready, it's important (you don't need me to tell you that )

One other thing, I don't know you well, but from what I've read in your posts here you have no reason at all to loath yourself

Take care, I hope it passes very very soon

Hi, Turquoisesea! Sorry for the oppressive feelings, but I'm glad your semester is over. With that, I realize you confront larger questions, and depression won't leave you alone as you try to wrap your mind around those questions.

Please keep posting and writing. Hopefully, interacting with yourself, with us and with your therapist will produce something of value.

I hope you find some answers and relief soon, turquoisesea.

((( Turquoisesea ))) I hope you feel better soon.

((((((turquoisesea))))))

You know, you are going through a lot AND trying to move forward. This is where we go easy on ourselves. The self loathing is your depression talking...well okay, jumping up and down screaming like a banshee. Just remember that nobody got through a depression by focusing on the negative. Man, if I were you, I woule call one of those hospitals and play for some of those chikdren in there. Bet they could make you all better and you can make 'em smile or weep. Give it a shot!

((((((((((((turquoisesea)))))))))))))

I'm sorry you're not doing well right now. Whatever self-loathing thoughts you're having about yourself, I can tell you right now that they're NOT TRUE. You are a kind, generous person who deserves all the best life has to offer. I know how hard it is to ignore the depression's lies, but that's what they are, lies! Take the best care of yourself that you can.

Feel better soon.

Turquoisesea

Thank you - your replies literally made me smile, feel a bit better

Good news is that I emailed my T. I haven't gotten a response back yet but she normally replies within 24 hours.

Right now my problem is I'm hiding from my problems but deadlines are coming up, and passing me by. I wanted to take a summer class - I FINALLY looked it up today and the first set of classes start in just 5 days! And the class I wanted to take is cancelled because no one signed up.

And the friend I was hoping would call me for social reasons for once only calls to figure out "apartment stuff". Oh yes, and I bumped the back of my head last night so I'm a bit loopy just from that as well (I'm ok though, I got it double checked)

I need a way to approach these problems head-on rather than shying away from them, or I'm going to lost opportunities and sink further into the hole. Any ideas?

Hi turquoisesea,
I know what you mean about shying away and not really wanting to face things... I know it's not new advice but maybe you could just do one little thing at a time. Sometimes I try to sneak something in before I allow myself to say no. Like just about to brush my teeth, I'll fit in the phone call I don't want to make. Somehow I think maybe I won't notice.

Hey Turquoisesea,

Don't know your background but understand depression can be tough no matter the cause. From my experience I only say that this difficult time will pass and hanging onto hope that a better time is in your future is important. Simple tangible ideas to focus on that I have found to help is: finding gratitude any where you can like your physical health, family, home, you can read and write; reaching out to people that offer positive feedback and comfort; helping others where ever you can.

Hope you feel better soon

Hi (((((sea)))))! Sorry to hear you're having a rough go of it - unfortunately, I can relate all too well. I find that when I'm wanting to hide from my problems it's because I'm looking at or trying to deal with them all at once and am overwhelmed by it all. It's times like this that we have to get back to the basics - break things down into bite-size pieces - each day focus on getting just one thing done, meet just one deadline, make just one phone call, run just one errand, etc., and don't demand any more of ourselves other than getting that one thing done. I know when I actually remember to practice this technique that I do gain a sense of accomplishment and forward progress, as well as a sense of having some modicum of control over my "mess." No matter how small, each accomplishment makes it easier to approach the next task, then the next, and so on.

I really like what Eleana05 said about sneaking an unpleasant task into our day before we have a chance to talk ourselves out of doing it. Sometimes the only way we can get anything accomplished is by "tricking" our own minds in order to side-step our triggers.

I hope you are feeling better soon, sea. lynn09

Thank you everyone, I guess I HAVE been moving - like a snail, but moving. Yesterday I faced one trigger related to my boyfriend. Today I faced a problem I've been facing with a friend. Still need some more but one a day is a start!

edit: I also wrote out some thoughts in my journal: http://turquoisesea.livejournal.com/40377.html
The post specifically outlines what I HAVE accomplished and what I have yet to do. I think this kind of writing things out helps me separate things into smaller chunks, and keep in mind what I have accomplished.

Keep chugging along, IMO you're doing great

(((((((((turquoisesea)))))))

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I am glad you are able to get things done. Keep going!