[wonderingwhy]

For the majority of my life I have not felt like being here. Even in happy times I don't feel connected to anyone in any significant way, and nothing on this earth is of much interest to me. I want to be interested, happy, feel a connection to someone but I haven't. People come and go, nothing lasts. I don't know where this feeling comes from. Depression is too simple of an explanation because like I said, even when I've been happy I still don't really feel much like being here. I don't understand this world, and so much feels foreign to me.
Just curious if others feel this way, (have longterm). I haven't had a good life, but it hasn't been horrible either. I think about death alot, wish I would die, but am not suicidal. I don't see that as an option ever. I don't get how I can manage to live any kind of decent life while feeling like I'd rather not be here. Is there any way to get beyond feeling this way when I have as far back as I can remember?

[lynn P.]

Welcome to PC ((wonderingwhy)). Have you ever discussed this with your family doctor or a therapist? I'm sorry you feel disconnected like this - do you have children? Have you thought about volunteering for something you feel very passionate about? How was your childhood?

[SophiaG]

you know, apathy and loss of ability to feel pleasure from life are symptoms of depression. You deserve to enjoy life, so perhaps this is the time to look into different treatment options.

I told my parents early on I did not ask to be here. But as long as I am here, I have tried to find some meaning in my life. My life certainly did not turn out as I had envisioned. But I am getting by.

You have to put meaning into your life. You have to make the connections. Life is a participatory activity. If you are to get better, you have to participate.

[tifferific]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

I told my parents early on I did not ask to be here. But as long as I am here, I have tried to find some meaning in my life. My life certainly did not turn out as I had envisioned. But I am getting by.

You have to put meaning into your life. You have to make the connections. Life is a participatory activity. If you are to get better, you have to participate.

I feel like that all the time. BUT the biggest part of it all is to try to not exude that from your person. I believe that if you are wanting to die and be unhappy that is what you are going to get.
Noone is going to throw it in your lap for you. I mean do you like people that smile or peolpe that seem really dwn. Shiney or dull things? This is what you bring to the table of life that can make a difference. I know it can't be all the time. But sometime something. Find happiness somewere. You have something special about you. There's a big black cloud eating you up right now all your life been there fight back!!!

[garden]

WonderingWhy, I'm glad you've posted and I want you to know that depression is not at all a light condition. Whomever you choose to talk with, a counselor or doctor, they can give you some direction. You are the catalyst and owner of that little or big spark in your life. Sure there's a lot that foreign, much that's upside down and too many scary things. But I didn't know that until I participated in life.

[tifferific]

Originally Posted by garden

WonderingWhy, I'm glad you've posted and I want you to know that depression is not at all a light condition. Whomever you choose to talk with, a counselor or doctor, they can give you some direction. You are the catalyst and owner of that little or big spark in your life. Sure there's a lot that foreign, much that's upside down and too many scary things. But I didn't know that until I participated in life.

Thank you garden. First try to remember the silly fun things you do love. Remember those fun fellings to do something and didn't care what others thought? Usually you had a silly friend to do them with. Find that young piece of yourself even if just for a pillow fight its fun. Then sit and talk. Talk to the person that knows and remembers the happy you. Because its there. You are over thinking it. And you are prjecting your life as to what you think will happen. Weel guess what make it happen how you want you drive the boat. Get cleaned up and shinny every day and smile even if its fake. See what it brings. Fake believing in yourself see what that brings. Hay what do you have to loose better then dien, right?

How are you doing, wonderingwhy?

[tifferific]

Well I've been a lot better. Can't get out of my head. Need a friend whatever that is I'm lost. You?

[garden]

WonderingWhy, hope you get better. Be you, dull or shiney, tall or short, stoic or reactive. Experience whatever you are.

[brephi]

WonderingWhy, I think some of the wisest Forum Members have given their comments. I wholeheartedly agree with Byzantine and most of the others. You don't need to hear a repeat of what was already said. So I just want to give you lot of