[LittleForgetMeNot]

So I have suffered from my Mother's abuse and neglect for my entire life. When I was little she would ignore me as her friend's children beat me right in front of her, the same with her countless boyfriends. She is an alcoholic and very insecure. Having a boyfriend and partying were her two most important things in life and my brother and I were usually at the bottom of her list, only around for money and sympathy she received as a "struggling single mother".

My dad knows about this and I left her place with my brother when I was eight years old. I'm fifteen now but she still affects me. I see her on a monthly basis and she still puts her boyfriends before us, she lies about me behind my back saying I demand money out of her when all I ask is for her to take me to the mall on my birthday so I can get bra and things that my Dad cannot help me with.

I've been depressed I think for about three or four years now, and in grade eight I stopped going to school. Because of this our social worker put me into home-schooling, and then because my attendance didn't approve for 9th grade, an alternative school. There are so many signs that I am depressed but my Dad doesn't wanna do anything about it. He knows I have problems with my mother, he even brings it up sometimes, but when it comes to me going to the doctors.. he just wont have it.

I can't talk about this with him because as soon as I try he'll get mad at me. He'll say I don't have a problem I just think I do. That I just need to get over my Mom. I don't need to go to the doctors. I don't need medications. He'll ask me if that's what I want, if I wanna be abnormal and "crazy" like everyone else out there. I can't respond to this and it just pushes me to tears each time. For a while I shunned my depression saying I can just get over it, but it gets worse and worse and I can't just ignore it anymore..

How can I talk to my Dad about this, what can I do? There is no one else in my family that I'm very close to and only two aunts that I THINK I can trust. But still I don't feel very comfortable talking to this with them.. but I'm lost. Sometimes I hope that I'll just die in my sleep.. sometimes I hope that my mother dies. But mostly, I wish that my dad could be more understanding..

[googley]

Forgetmenot-

I'm so sorry this is happening t you. Could you talk to the social worker about it? She may be able to help you get help. Do you have any teachers at school (it sounds like you are back in school-sorry if I'm wrong about that) that you could trust? Please reach out to your aunts. Hopefully they will be able to help. You should not have to feel this way. Keep asking for help until you get what you need. Your father may not be able to help, but there are other adults who hopefully can. Also if you have any close friends, you might want to try talking to their parents if you would feel comfortable with that. Continue to take care of yourself.

[Yoda]

Could you talk to your aunts and ask them to help you talk to your Dad? You certainly need some therapy despite whether or not you get meds for your depression.

I am sorry your mom is not caring for you as a mom should. That is not your fault.

[EQ_E]

Dear Lil' ForgetmeNOT,

My Aunt and Uncle lived in Canada, I loved it there. I remember looking in the phone while there, but I can't remember if it is different than it is here. I am thinking that they maybe an info referace guilde, in the front of the book, like we have here. ours is called "211", which can give you information about services that are offered. I had a peticularly hard time once, and learned of a service that could come to me. They might have sevices there or at least should be able to point you in the right dirrection. I know the health care system there is different, and have heard things about long waiting lists, so I don't know how that might play into it. don't be discouraged.
When I was your age, I felt the same way. It wasn't until I was a young adult that I went to counceling, and learned about 'self-esteem' and that I could do things to raise and build this up in my self and that I didn't need to rely on other's (perticularly those that enjoyed dragging it down) for my own self worth. One concept I learned was that we chose to feel the way we do, and that I could chose to change how I felt and I did. (I do understand that the things that we experience can be sad or sometimes the people we experience can be sad, and they may stay that way. And it is okay to feel sad over these things, but moving out from it is a whole lot better) I grabbed on to these concepts, and others and wished I learned of them much, much sooner, I don't think I would have carried so much emotional weight, that didn't belong to me, for as long as I did.
If you are uncertain about whether you can trust and confide in the adults you mentioned, (I believe trust must be earned) think about testing this out with smaller issues, test the water's so to speak. Are you afraid, something you say may be revealed? Why not confide in them with something small and with something you don't really care if other's actually learned about it? This allows you to test out the situation and protect your self from being vulnerable at the same time. there is nothing wrong with that. It also gives you a sence of empowerment, to do the right thing for you, and that is always ok. You are important, and it is ok to let yourself be important.

lil' EQ_E

[Mike_J]

Reach out to your aunts, I know my aunts/uncles were always more compassionate to me than my parents ever were.

And what about your social worker, can you talk to him/her to see if you could see a councilor or a therapist?

Or your family doctor, you need to find someone who is willing to help you.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Littleforgetmenot,

This is so sad for you. Your dad obiously has problems withdepression and thinking that you have to be crazy to have it. He needs to be gently told that proplr are not crazy because they have depression even though they may feel it from time to time. Maybe he is just reacting to it the way he saw his father react to it?

I will say though that I don't think it is your mother causing your depression, it goes much deeper than that, even though her actions have contributed to your feeling down and unloved. I really hope that you speak to your social worker, often they can't do anything until we approach them about it because they cannot be seen to be putting ideas in our head...so give it a try

Thinking of you,

Rhi

[LittleForgetMeNot]

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

Littleforgetmenot,

This is so sad for you. Your dad obiously has problems withdepression and thinking that you have to be crazy to have it. He needs to be gently told that proplr are not crazy because they have depression even though they may feel it from time to time. Maybe he is just reacting to it the way he saw his father react to it?

I will say though that I don't think it is your mother causing your depression, it goes much deeper than that, even though her actions have contributed to your feeling down and unloved. I really hope that you speak to your social worker, often they can't do anything until we approach them about it because they cannot be seen to be putting ideas in our head...so give it a try

Thinking of you,

Rhi

To be honest you almost hit the nail right on the head with my dad. My Dad does have some problems with depression himself. He was raised in an abusive environment from the time he was about 8-14. His mother married an abusive man who beat her and him up for any reason he could. My father ran away and was put into a group home until he was 17. He never got professional help him with his feelings and from time to time I hear him regretting not doing so.. which makes me wonder why he won't get me help if he regrets not getting help for himself.

Also my social worker is no longer in our lives. She closed the case thinking that there were no more problems. Everything was glossed over by my Dad and I never thought to tell her much.

About my mother I'm almost certain it's her. I was going good in my alternative school for kids with bad attendance and never missed a day until I learned she was talking about me and I just back tracked and since then (three weeks) I've skipped a few days of school simply because I didn't feel like going anymore. If it's not her, then I don't know what it is because her actions have been the worst I have ever received. I didn't get much into detail about her.. in this I just wanted to to be short and to the point.

She exposed me to many sexual things at a young age and one of the kids that used to beat me also molested me as well as a one of my cousins. Both of them girls, both of them, one year younger than I. I told my mom right away when the girl that beat me did it, as soon as I left that room I told her and she just locked me back in that room again claiming I was just dreaming. My dad is also aware of this happening.. but I only told him this past winter and it happened when I was seven.

Maybe this ^^ is the deeper you were talking about.. Though it doesn't hurt me as much as it did before I told my Dad. Right now it's the fact that my condition is being ignored that hurts the most.

[beyond_blue]

I understand a lot of what you are writing about. But I'm having a particularly difficult time. Keep posting and hopefully in a few days I can respond. My dad told me my depression was just "growing pains" and explained away my mom's behavior by saying "you know your mom." I'm 34 now and in pain. I certainly don't want this for you. You sound extremely intelligent and very resourceful. Don't give up. You'll find a way.