rant about loneliness

Does anyone else find it really hard to make/keep friends?
I find myself alone most often because I never let people get close enough to call a me real friend or vice versa. Because I'm depressed I'm not even motivated to socialize with people because I've grown accustomed to socialization ending in pain and rejection. I know that friends are important though, and something that I need for my own personal happiness. However I am a very socially inept person and come off negatively in the presence of others. In other word people don't like me, and Iv'e darn near accepted this as fact.Sadly I've adjusted to love being alone and hate being lonely.

*With that said I must also acknowlage that I am blessed that this is one of my biggest problems and realize that many of you a true soldiers for pressing on in much more trying circumstances.

I actually know exactly this feeling. I don't really have friends, I have aquaintences, I have co-workers, but nobody, other than my partner, that is really a friend.
Once I get home from work, I bury myself in my room, and I don't want to talk to anyone or be with anyone, I just want to be left alone. I, though, should probably say that being in crowds makes me panic. I don't know why. i guess it's just another issue of mine. Funny, that I can go to Disney and be ok for the most part. But even then sometimes while waiting in line, if there are alot of people close around me, I start to get shaky.
I wish I could give you some words of wisdom on how to overcome, but I haven't learned how yet myself. But just know that you are not alone in your loneliness. Even with kids and a partner, I'm still completely lonely.

siempre nada,
I know just what you're saying. I have three friends and that's it. Ofcourse I have to take responsibility for not having a big social circle because I do not like to go out and then only with Significant Other. The author, Annie Dillard once said that she was a Gregarious recluse. It sounds like you may relate to that. I do.

I have the exact same problem most of the time! I wish I had some magic advice to make things better, but do know you're not the only one.

I guess I have problems with friends, too. I find it hard to trust anyone (because of a friend who 'ditched' me) and expect everyone to leave. I haven't made it easy on myself though, because I've never stayed in the same place for too long since adulthood (uni, then moved, then home, then moved abroad, now home) so I always have friends in different places and then I leave.

Are you sure people don't like you? That might be a self esteem issue, you assuming people don't like you. Even people who aren't great socially are still likeable! My brother has a friend who's a little 'odd' socially, and some people find that hard to deal with and really don't understand him... but I think he's very interesting and I like him, and he has a good group of friends too who are also 'odd'. What I mean is, not everyone will like you but not everyone will dislike you either, you possibly just have to find people who 'fit' you...? I know it's really difficult when you are depressed though, whenever I have had bouts of depression I totally isolate myself and it's hard to keep hold of friends that way.

Maybe in a support group, or something similar, you could find like-minded people?

I isolate myself a lot & find that it makes me almost agoraphobic--in that if I spend 5 days at home alone (when husband is on a business trip) I'll start to not even get the mail until it is dark out.

Then I had to go to my therapist & I was so anxious that I couldn't recognize familiar streets. I realized as part of my "treatment" I need to make an effort to get around people even if it is just going to a coffee shop w/a book. I also have a very hard time being w/people one-on-one as I feel socially inept, but if I take a class (tennis, knitting, computer, exercise, etc.) then I can be around people & have a focus so I can talk about my dropped stitches or my lousy overhead instead of being put on the spot where I have to reveal "me."

Oh yes. I have many acquaintances, but no real deep friendships. Even those who I am closer to don't really know me as well as they think they do. I'm not antisocial -- I do like people, and can be quite friendly, but it's mostly on the surface. No one is truly very close to me, and they don't seem to want to be. Apparently I'm "too moody" for a lot of people, and they don't want to put up with it.

I used to have a wider circle of friends, and had a lot of people that I considered close friends, but have lost most if not all interest in socializing at this point. I very rarely go out anymore, whereas I used to be very active, going out several nights a week with one group of friends or another. But I've lost interest in a lot of things, so nothing's very fun anymore. Now my schedule is basically go to work, do chores or waste time at home, go to class/do homework, and sleep.

I'm starting to think I should just accept the fact that I will never have a meaningful relationship with another person, and learn to become comfortable being alone for the rest of my life. It makes me sad to think of this, but I can't imagine ever feeling good enough to return to my former level of social involvement.

Bleah, sorry for the depressing post. I'm just feeling pretty down tonight.

I have a a few really close friends who all live in different parts of the country now. With this new move, have not been able to make new friends as easily, actually not at all, and the isolation and loneliness is rough. Sometimes I appreciate it though, not having to hide the BP is a relief. I don't trust easily b/c of it which makes it difficult in getting to know others. However, I do miss the interaction. Someone suggested looking for organizations and groups to get involved in as one possibility.

I wish I had answers for this too, if someone has them, would LOVE to hear them. But at least we are all here together, friends

I get what you're saying about trust. I feel that after all of my years of therapy where I was taught to open up to others, that I've actually come again to a point of thinking that the therapists were wrong. For my own peace of mind and survival I think it's better for me to expect nothing from people. It's when I have expectations of people, not even unrealistic ones, just expectations that people will be loving and fair, that I end up feeling disapointed and ultimately depressed and suicidal. So, I've just had to accept that if I want to be healthy I have to keep my expectations low. That way, my disapointment will not get the best of me. Ultimately, we do have to protect ourselves as I said, if we want to be able to survive in this world.

I never used to have that problem. I used to have friends and I could make friends really easily and keep them. But then I stopped being fun. I stopped calling and e-mailing and trying to see other people and so slowly, they all kind of faded away. Left me alone to be me wierd self.

At the moment, there are only a few people I would call friends, both on the internet and in real life. My best friend met me after all the crap started. He knows and for some odd reason, still like this pathetic version of myself. I am so grateful for him! He doesn't know the half of it, but he's one person I actually feel some semblance of comfortable around.

I know exactly how all of you feel. I've always had a lot of good friends, I was always out with them. I guess I was known as the life of the party. But for the past few months, I've isolated myself from them. I don't even know why.. Now I don't even know who to call my friend.. I barely see them anymore. I feel like I'm losing my friends..