Frustrated!

I've had it! I cannot live like this anymore! I am not sure about suicide though, but I feel like I no longer know anything about myself and those around me. Perhaps I'm too nosy, but I digress. This confusion, headaches, constantly battling with myself is driving me insane!
And I try to do good for people, but I dont help at all! Somehow I manage to make them more upset, or they just dont get what I'm trying to say to them. Its always been that way, they look at me like an alien just dropped me down from his ship- I'm so confused and I randomly start kicking and throwing things across my room. It seems like everyone just hates me sometimes and I've never known what I done wrong! Its been that way sinse I was little! And people always said how lucky I was, I'm spoiled and selfish, and not funny. I cut myself out of my frustration. I'm truely beginning to hate myself, I cant stand all of my drawlings and I can hardly stand myself typing this. And I feel like nobody cares, nobody ever seems to care.. I know what you might be thinking, "Oh poor baby, doesn't she know there are kids out in Africa or even in America that are struggling more than her!? Why should I give her my sympathy?!"
People have tried giving me advice but its not working, (not that I'm ungreatful) like they say to seak help; I can't let them worry their lives for me, not that they'd care. Don't listen to what they say!; But they've treated me that way all of my life! I'm afraid I do not know anything else.
I'm trapped!! Please help me, I cant take it anymore! I feel like becoming a crimminal like John Dillenger (Except I dont get shot, nor do I shoot people and I still would go to church) Well, I'd threaten to shoot people, for them to give me the $$.
See, I'm a freak! I'm insane! The Mad Hatter would take one look at me and would think "Wow, that chick is insane.."

Hi, MonarkWing!
Frustrating.

Something I wish I had learned earlier in life is reading people. Being depressed makes me concerned with psychology. But, before the depression, I could have benefited from learning some social psychology. Nowadays, I hardly fit in society -- despite the therapy and meds.

I hope you find happiness, even if you live in a world that's a few degrees off from everybody else's.

I care and understand your feelings. You're not alone. I too am frustrated as all hell. I wish I had something to make you magicly feel better. Just hang in there. you'll find what you're looking for in time.

I think when somebody reaches a point where they just can't carry on like they have been doing anymore, it's an excellent place to begin change (an inner change mostly, but outer things change when you change within).

I have a 9 year history of mental illness, and in the end, I had just had enough! I had recovered for a few months, but I knew that it would come back because nothing had changed on the inside, I had the same thoughts, the same low self esteem, the same self hatred. And so then I made the most important decision I've probably ever made - to change (It's still something new to me so I'm not claiming to know it all )

Your thoughts are very negative, which I understand, but... you said you hate yourself. Why? What is so bad about you? I think that's just a sort of, broken thought. You're not so unlikeble that you deserve to be hated, not by anyone, even yourself. Why don't you try being kind to yourself instead? You've obviously had things rough, maybe the one person who you need to care - is you.

Wow... reading back on this... I AM INSANE..

I have no training in helping people so can't give you any answers. I just wanted you to know that I care.
I have been in the deepest darkest parts of depression and fought to get rid of the horrid feelings only to slide back again. I can empathize with your feelings but sorry I have no answers.
Sometimes just posting your thoughts and feelings here where others with your disease can read them will help. But never ever think that no one cares.