[Middman]

WoW! I read alot of what everyone writes, I just cant think of anything positive to say. I really admire those of you that try to look at the good and positive,not giving up. I only see the negative,feeling the system has let me down, That I will never be normal, That I will die with these problems. That there treatments are lies, When I see someone make a comment that there down and suffering, and they ARE taking meds. Makes me sad. Makes me think of there long rode of mental illness even with meds. And when I read where someone is doing well on a med, I still get sad because I know they will still have there relapses threw out life, only seeing brief periods of happiness.I dont think anything I read ,I see in a positive way. I know how we are treated, thought of by others, all the temparary fixes you will all see in time. I use to could see how some of you do. believing I will find happiness, That right drug. The treatment that works for me.I dont know what happened that I cant dream about that anymore. I only see the cold hard facts. Does age do that? And many dissapointments ?

[Middman]

Something else that makes me sad, When someone says they have found that right doctor or therapist. And I can only see that its because they make a living doing that. Paying there bills off of our illness.

[Elana05]

Hi Middman,

I can relate to your anger. But I am wondering if you are hiding your anger behind apathy and resignation?
Idk... I am very good at this. I have hid my anger about my life behind strict apathy and resignation. But it hasn't really helped for me. Why I have sought out therapy again.
When I see a comment that someone is down and suffering, and they are taking meds it makes me sad too. Yet I personally know those who have come out of twelve+ years of severe depression. Many treatments/meds later. An urgency of self-care is so important. I have thought about my T accepting pay to help me. Still, my parents weren't there to do it. That's the irony. Anyway, who would want to sit and listen to someone else's problems all day? A good T. You could say a brain surgeon is only in it for the money as well. Still, if one is in dire need of brain surgery...
I have no choice. Can't afford to be hopeless. I am slowly learning that the most important thing is to keep going, keep demanding help.
Good thoughts your way.

E

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello Midman,

Please dom't paint others with the brush you have painted your life with. Your beliefs are yours. They are your opinoins and though we respect them we think that you don't have the right to judge anothers life and treatment.

We know that we are depressive, we know that we have only had 3 out of 4 weeks where the depression has lifted, but that is better than being in the black pit 4 out of 4 weeks.

Spent a short period of time with a therapist about 3 times a week for 6 weeks and she helped me to get the sexual abuse and rape out from the place in my mind that I had crammed it into.

I am so grateful to her, she was not the "sit and cry it out" type of therapist, she made me work. She made good on her statement of no more than 6 weeks therapy would be needed to work on the abuse and rape and she was right. I can't say I'm completely healed but I'm ok and I can put it where it belongs...but those inside are still pissed off...so I have more work to do but no more than anyone else...

Smile it won't hurt...

[Middman]

Originally Posted by Elana05

Hi Middman,

I can relate to your anger. But I am wondering if you are hiding your anger behind apathy and resignation?
Idk... I am very good at this. I have hid my anger about my life behind strict apathy and resignation. But it hasn't really helped for me. Why I have sought out therapy again.
When I see a comment that someone is down and suffering, and they are taking meds it makes me sad too. Yet I personally know those who have come out of twelve+ years of severe depression. Many treatments/meds later. An urgency of self-care is so important. I have thought about my T accepting pay to help me. Still, my parents weren't there to do it. That's the irony. Anyway, who would want to sit and listen to someone else's problems all day? A good T. You could say a brain surgeon is only in it for the money as well. Still, if one is in dire need of brain surgery...
I have no choice. Can't afford to be hopeless. I am slowly learning that the most important thing is to keep going, keep demanding help.
Good thoughts your way.

E

Good for you! Keep on believing, Just because I cant.Doesnt mean I dont want it for others.

[Rohag]

Hi, Middman!

Originally Posted by Middman

I only see the cold hard facts. Does age do that? And many dissapointments?

Certainly age, repeated disappointments and base personality all play into our outlook on our illness.

Over time, I've gone from hoping to get off the Island of Misfit Toys to seeing the Island as my home. I wouldn't reject a rescue, I simply no longer expect my being a good, compliant patient will result in deliverance. It's not so much that I'm "hopeless," it's more like I'm living without reference to hope.

Maybe hope will reassert itself someday. I don't know; I don't think about it much anymore.

[Middman]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hi, Middman!

Certainly age, repeated disappointments and base personality all play into our outlook on our illness.

Over time, I've gone from hoping to get off the Island of Misfit Toys to seeing the Island as my home. I wouldn't reject a rescue, I simply no longer expect my being a good, compliant patient will result in deliverance. It's not so much that I'm "hopeless," it's more like I'm living without reference to hope.

Maybe hope will reassert itself someday. I don't know; I don't think about it much anymore.

I agree 100% Thank you very much for that! I think thats what Im doing (Living without reference to hope) Yes with age and repeated disappointments it has made me feel this way. You made my Day! Someone else understands me! THANK YOU!!!! I just cant look at it with a young heart,and eyes anymore. I got to work on my being bitter over it. Its not like I can get my money back because they didnt cure me..LOL..Now that I think about it,All the promises of getting the right meds and treatments kept me hanging on...Now Im just to old to believe that anymore. But I did make it to the age I am now, So all was not lost. Maybe that was the plan anyway, Ya Know?

[owen2110]

I do believe blaming others for how you are feeling is going to get you nowhere!!

I would encourage you to be open to accepting the fact you have an illness and look for the help you need.

I have been at this for 2 years with limited success, but I don't blame the Dr.s or the system, or my family, I blame the fact I have what they call treatment resistent depression!

I have read stories where it can take a long time to find the solution, so I am hanging on to that hope!

Keep asking questions, and you will start to get the answers you need.

[Middman]

Originally Posted by owen2110

I do believe blaming others for how you are feeling is going to get you nowhere!!

I would encourage you to be open to accepting the fact you have an illness and look for the help you need.

I have been at this for 2 years with limited success, but I don't blame the Dr.s or the system, or my family, I blame the fact I have what they call treatment resistent depression!

I have read stories where it can take a long time to find the solution, so I am hanging on to that hope!

Keep asking questions, and you will start to get the answers you need.

No, I'm cool with it now. The reply before yours answered everything I needed to know about myself, and realize. I'm not angry anymore at doctors or therapists, The promises of Me getting better, the right meds and all that was to give me hope,and help me to want to hang on. The fact that I'm still here and didn't jump off a bridge or something along time ago kind of proves that. So whatever it takes you my friend to hang on, and believe, I hope you have it a long time and live a long life,Take Care! Keep on Keeping On!

[feary]

I can so relate to you middman