[tryingtobeme]

just forget it all. I am so alone in these feelings and that is the way it is. I will stop being a burden to everyone else.

[lynn P.]

(((tryingtobeme))) - I'm sorry you're suffering and struggling with these thoughts. I hope you don't mind me being candid, but death is permanent and it's not pretty. It would cause deep, never ending sorrow to family and friends. You don't want this to be your legacy. You can make the best out of a bad situation and pledge to live the best you can. Please discuss these feelings with your doctor.

[blueoctober]

tryingtobeme; I have struggled with this, but luckily I was found and taken to the Psychiatric hospital where I stayed for 6 weeks and received my BP diagnosis. I still can struggle with suicidal thoughts, but i haven't attempted since my hospitalization. I hope I never attempt again. It took me about a year after my attempt to get to the point that I was happy I was saved.

Please discuss your thoughts with your mental health professional. A med adjustment may be necessary, and/or therapy. If you feel unsafe please go to the hospital.

This is the illness lying to you.

[Travelinglady]

Are you saying that you're feeling suicidal? If so, then please, please call someone as soon as possible--your therapist, if you have one--or go to the emergency room....

Read your excellent quotes that you have on your site. Remember that "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." You're obviously struggling right now, but if you hang in here, things will get better. Trying to commit suicide is not a courageous action. Okay? Let us know how you're doing. You have folks here you care about you!

[tryingtobeme]

Thanks Lynn, Blueoctober, and Payne1 I know it's not the way. Part of me wants to do it to punish those around me that have abused me, but then they win. I just feel really helpless right now. I do have T that I can call. Some of this is because of ending therapy, to much pressure to be who I should be, friend that has cancer on top of that...just to much garabage and bad feelings. I want them to just end or go away for awhile. The pills and alcohol only work for awhile. Then I need more. I'm so lost and confused right now.

[Rohag]

((((((( Tryingtobeme! )))))))

You already have displayed and continue to display great courage. May you find all the courage you need to resist despair! Don't hesitate to seek help!

[lynn P.]

As humans we can't stand pain...all we want to do is run away and resist it. There's no doubt that physical and mental pain stinks. I don't want to sound simplistic, but it helps to accept the pain...... feel it and look it in the eyes. We also need to remember, it truly can get worse, so we need to be grateful for the simplest things...a roof over our heads, all four limbs functioning, etc.

Let's imagine for a minute if we all found out we had a terminal illness that would kill us in 3 months. Wouldn't we all beg for another chance? If we had another chance, would we then live it better and appreciate even the bad times more?

[SophiaG]

Originally Posted by tryingtobeme

Thanks Lynn, Blueoctober, and Payne1 I know it's not the way. Part of me wants to do it to punish those around me that have abused me, but then they win. I just feel really helpless right now. I do have T that I can call. Some of this is because of ending therapy, to much pressure to be who I should be, friend that has cancer on top of that...just to much garabage and bad feelings. I want them to just end or go away for awhile. The pills and alcohol only work for awhile. Then I need more. I'm so lost and confused right now.

This is the BPD talking.

Impulsiveness.

Substance abuse.

Suicidality that increases when a relationship ends.

Somehow you have to find it within yourself to realize that this problem you have is TEMPORARY. aka, do not give into the symptom of impulsiveness which is based in the moment, rather than looking at things long-term.

Substance Abuse: recognize that it only covers your emotions, rather than helps you to cope with them. You may feel bad, but it is better for your mental/emotional well being if you face/deal with these emotions head-on.

Suicidality around an ending of a relationship. I know you're in pain, but you arent being abandoned. Other people will come into your life. Life is an ever-revolving door of people that walk in and out of your life. Some people stay more than others, but they all leave handprints on our heart. They remain with us always and affect who we are today/will be tomorrow. The best way you could honor your therapist is to continue with treatment and take what he has taught you to heart.

Be strong, even when you feel weak.

Dont let your disorder get the best of you! I urge you to fight against it's manifestations in your life.

[Naturefreak]

((((Tryingtobeme)))) So sorry you are struggling my friend
You are not alone