Constantly apologising

Hey guys,

Just wondering if anyone else does this? I apologise for EVERYTHING even when I ahve done nothing wrong. I SH'ed a few weeks ago and all I have done is apologise to people

I am getting angry at myself for apologising ALL the time

Anyone else like this or has any tips on how to not apologise all the time?

Yes, definitely.
Not good tips...

I recognize I have a deep-seated urge to assume blame. I speculate this urge was born in childhood. So far, therapy has been unable to uproot or even shed much light on it. Depression itself and my medications probably collaborate to keep this tendency of mine in some degree of control.

I'm sorry I don't have a better answer for you. (See! I did it again!)

Ive been there, and still catch myself doing it......40 some years of being made to feel responsible for how everyone else feels.....is what did it to me.

But I m learning.... to change...it is a slow processes and difficult.
I try to catch my words before I say them by mentally telling myself "NO" its not my fault. Hang in there it takes time.

Today alone I just can't seem to NOT apologise.

Took a panic attack in a shop in town today... I just wanna cry. I had to go to the toilets as I was nearly in tears in the shop. My friends were really nice about it all. I texted to apologise for that and my friends said I became anxious and they knew something was up. I feel really sad and just want to cry

Yeah, to some extent. I also feel lousy for doing it, and lousy if I don't. This is actually the first time I have ever spoken of this to anyone. I thought it was just me.

I do this all the time. I have caught myself more before I say it and then I have to think to myself "did I really do anything to apologize for" and you have to be honest with yourself when you answer that question. It is very hard to not apologize. I am right there with you.

There's really nothing wrong with apologizing; everyone does it, even to cracks in the sidewalk when they trip :-) And how about when someone bumps into you, both people apologize, doesn't matter who was the bumper and who the bumpee.

I would just accept that I apologize a lot, it's just a quirk/habit/symptom that will probably dry out and drop off when I feel better and my mind has more things to occupy itself with than my mistakes? The only time I have trouble with other people apologizing is if they apologize for the same thing too many times, like I didn't "accept" their first, "I'm sorry". If you do multiple texting to your friends about the same incident, then I'd worry. Cheer up, luv!

Thanks guys,

I had a panic attack today and I have been apologising to myself and my friends a lot. I hate the fact I apologise. I have started if I have done something wrong or stupid hitting myself in the head and telling myself I am a stupid idiot. I want to stop but I seem to not be able to stop

I helped myself with the head hitting by laughing at myself and supporting that poor self I was trying to hit; I say "trying" because I decided to slap myself (my stepmother use to) only I would jerk my head backwards so I would "miss". Once when socializing with my stepson(s) I made a verbal mistake and went to smack myself but was sitting on the couch and my head went back and hit the wall while I was trying to avoid the slap. It was very funny for all of us. Think about it, I'm so lame I can't even hit myself right?

When you call yourself a stupid idiot, immediately get in there and argue. Just say the first thing that comes into your head, "Who you calling a stupid idiot?" Make fun of the name caller, that they can't even think up a good name to call you, don't have the words (name callers and swearers generally don't). Tell the name caller you can't possibly be "stupid" or you wouldn't have gotten to grade ___ whatever the last one is you completed and remind the name caller that they're calling you names from your own head so you're not an idiot if they're able to do that! Have fun with talking to yourself. I once got three voices in there at work and had my coworkers rolling in the aisles. My hands and head got into an argument over whose fault a typing error was and I had to "call in" a referee to stop them arguing :-)

Haha!!! Perna, that was really funny at the end.

I am stupid sometimes though, I say or do something stupid. If people get something wrong ie the time we were meeting etc I apologise. If I make a spelling mistake that I would never normally do I will apologise.

I get frustrated at myself and have to apologise to people for Laura being an idiot... sometimes Laura is ALWAYS stupid so I have a lot of apologising to do

But "listen" to yourself! At least find another word? It's not descriptive enough! It's like saying you're "nice". What does that mean? Too cliché.

I would start saying, "I'm sorry that I'm sorry." to myself a lot

yeah, miss laura, perna is making some good points and is humorous too!!!
another thing you might try is when you hear yourself apologizing and you know you don't "own it" say right in mid apology, "i take that back." perhaps others won't totally understand why you said that but it will retrain your mind!

Hmmm... another word instead of "stupid"

I don't think there is another word to describe it..........

What can I say to myself instead of "stupid"???????????????

Why do I need to apologise all the time though? Is it a depression thing?

Don't get me started! I got married when I was 39 and decided to change my last name to my husband's because my stepmother was aghast that I might keep my own and I didn't care that much but knew my stepmother would be alive another 10-15 or so years (12 to be exact). So I went to a job interview shortly after I married and introduced myself, offering my hand at the same time to shake; "Hi, I'm Perna Birthname; no I'm not!" all in one breath. Didn't help that it was to the director of a residential school for autistic children!

Laura, there's nothing stupid about apologizing or the mistakes you make! It's part of who you are at the moment and others find it endearing. You're vulnerable! People like it when we're vulnerable, means we're not going to attack them for their mistakes and errors :-)

I hate being vulnerable though, doesn't everyone?

I want to have "me" back again though. I was never like this before I was ill. Its like I am a completely different person. Someone who I don't recognise now

Pern, I work with adults with Autism

miss laura, it didn't take overnight for you to become "ill". it won't be overnight before you "find" miss laura again. having said that, the good news is that the same YOU is still inside YOU!!! it's taking a rest perhaps from stressors in your life. i'm sure you are patient and kind to your clients, please try to remember to be patient and kind to yourself!!!

Thank U Madisgram,

I think that's the worst thing............ time. Its far toooooooooooooo long. I know I can't get a quick fix.... but I want a quick fix in a sense. I know.... Is it possible to be hiding the real me though? I mean is this who I ACTUALLY am rather than who I have been for 24 years of my life??

Ye, Ironically I am different with the guys I support than I am with myself.... I can't take my own advice

I would like to chime in on this. People are often very different in different situations. Like around my mother and sister, I am somewhat quiet and shy. However around my friends, I am extremely outgoing. But I am learning to be more assertive and outgoing around my mother and sister. I think that who you are now is the real you and who you were is also the real you and that you can change to become more like the you you would like to be. I get motivated to change when I focus on improvements I have made in a specific situation rather than comparing myself to an idealistic standard that I have.

i apologie all the time i think this is my nature ,there is nothing wrong with it

here's a helpful, i hope, thought:
T.I.M.E.
stands for
This I Must Earn.

and yes, miss laura, is in there. your logic is clouded by this troubling thing-apologising.

another thought:
force yourself to apologise to everyone. then you'll find that it isn't so necessary. it's like reverse logic.