[LadyDragus]

i'v not had a good moring.. I had a fight with my mom today.. about my daughter she has custody of..

so my day went from good to bad..
I am trying to think of how to post about it, because I have never really talked about it on the fourms before and not sure how to either..

I woke up in a good mood, but now, I am not so sure,.. I am at school that is why I do not have MSN, on or YIM. I can not turn either of them on while at school I almost wished I had stayed at home.. I would not feel this way so alone and no one to talk to..

I am so on edge right now.. it sucks to be this way.. I hate it.. I have never talked like I did to my mom, but she wants me to be me.. and I will from now on.. She took my child away from me.. and I finally had the nerver to tell her that..
she did not like it.. but I did..
I hate it.. I cant handle this stress of not having bree in my life but when she said breanna calls her mommie and my father daddie it hurt me to no end.. I just started to cry i lost it when she started talking about the fact that I could not bring her home because I would have problems worse than I do know how can a mother say that to her daughter and expect her not to bet upset?????

I just do nto know what to do.. I know what I want to do, is curl up and cry and bawl till no more tears are left, in my heart, stops beatin in my chest, but then my other child would be motherless and that would not be good for her..
someone guide me as to hlep me thourgh this rough day..

[Overcastbutclearing]

(((LADY DRAGUS)))
I can feel how excruciating your pain is through your post.
I don't know why mothers hurt their daughters. I guess they have their own agendas. And , I am sorry about the situation with your daughter. Geez, it must be draining emotionally with all the other things you deal with to stay healthy.
But, be proud today that you stood up to your mom. You knew in the end it had to be done. Even if she hurt your feelings and it made you want to crawl up in a ball. I am sure it wasn't the first time your mother made you feel like that. But, probably the first time you stood tall and true and told her how you really felt.
Be kind to yourself today!!

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((ld))))))))))))))))))))

may i speak as the one who's in your mother's position in an attempt to add some healing your broken heart right now?

i'm the guardian and primary caretaker of my two year old nephew. it's the year anniversary of his coming to me.

his parents showed the utmost love for him by recognizing that they couldn't care for him. that took more love and concern for the best of that child, then just keeping him there and his seeing, being exposed to things that he wouldn't understand and could be harmful. neither one can care for him. they loved him enough to keep him safe and well. HOW WONDERFUL! THAT'S TRUE LOVE!!!!!

here's another thing...he too calls me mom. he started it on his own and i actually thought of correcting him until i spoke with the professionals and they said not to. he sees my daughter calling me mom and he knows that's my role in his life and he needs to fit in in that way. having said that, i want to go further to say...when he sees his mama, my heart swells with emotion by the look on his face of pure love and adoration. i may be mom, but he knows who his mama is and God only knows his love for her...it's immense. the same is with my husband and his daddy. we all have our individual roles...that can't be replaced! i'm sure it's the same there.

you know what your post says to me? you love your child...more than alot of ppl do. i admire you as i admire few. God bless you. how blessed is your child to have THAT many children to love????

kd

[(JD)]

Mothers are like that, yeah they are. No matter what, there is always a bond with your mother. I don't quite like the idea of the mom and dad terms being allowed... I think the child can learn the proper titles with no love lost. And your mother should be sure to have a picture of you for when you aren't around, so the child knows Mom. Your parents owe you that much. I don't know the whole situation,but if the child is in a good place, then so be it. Once you also get to a good place, things will straighten out for you, too. ((((dragon))))

[LadyDragus]

we have since talked and she apoligized to me.. we cried togehter and talked more.. and we are workign through this..

I know I have not told everyone on here the reasons I had to give my child to my parents I may in a reply to my post

[LadyDragus]

see I had to do sort of the same thing but for many differnt reasons.

Back in Jan of 1999 ws when I as a mohter saw things in myself that I no longer liked nor wanted a two year old child to see.. My husband and I were fighting all the time and I did not want her to see this, so I asked my mom too come up and take care of bree, and she said yes, I could take care of her, but could not take care of myself and her and my home and my husband and keep from doing things that I should not be doing to keep me safe and not harm myself..

When she went down to my parents home it relived some stress on me so I could try to work on a marraige that was falling to shambels that eventully broke up... At first letting her go down there helped then things got worse he pushed himself on me in ways that was not right ( but that is antoher story)

When we tried to bring her home he started yelling at me agin because somethign wasnt done, and bree needed more attetion because she was mentally behind most kids her age and you had to work with her to get yourself to undertstand what she wanted.. She did not start talking till she was almsot 4 I think.. cant remember all of it off the top of my head.. ** i was so deperssed at that time***

Things got so bad, I hardly ever got to see her because he would not let me.. I had to beg my mom to come up so I could see my daughter because he never really wanted her.. and thatwas when I realized he was dead to me in many ways and she was better off being down there in a home whre she could be loved by all, not just the mommie, who was stuggling to keep herself alive and no kid ever needs to see that (my opinion) so in Jan of 2000 I forced my husband to sign over legal custody of bree so my parents could give her the best care possible.. and my marraige ended for good on that day..

Some good has come of this sitution some bad.. He had become colder but I have become a better mother to both of my childern, I can love them openly and not feel like any man hates me for it, and if they do.. well I tell them where to go..

Long story..
I hope this helps you all to understand why she is where she is, and why I am where I am..

[LadyDragus]

Thank you ozzie..

I made a really long reply to kimmy it may give you more detials than i have told you.. not sure..

[LadyDragus]

yes it will.. someday..

it just hurt.. and i hurt her too, and I know it, but she has never really turly meat the reall me, and very few have had that chance to met the real me..

I have a feeling my mother wont like the real me..

[(JD)]

I think we all have that fear... somewhere, about someone TC

[dexter]

Lady D

I'm so sorry to hear about your bad morning but glad that your mother apologized and that you were able to talk about it a little. I can't imagine not expecting someone to be upset with something like that, I think it would be unnatural not to be upset whether one showed it or not.

Through all of the time i've known you I have always felt that as difficult as it is to cope, you are always able to keep a good overview on things, and do what you truly believe is best in an unselfish manner. I have always admired you for that. But that doesn't mean that such decisions are easy or that there aren't "second-thoughts" and that's why we have each other to try to cope together.

I am also glad to hear you are still in school, that is something active and very positive for you, I hope you are doing well (and by that I mean both getting something out of the classes and feeling it to be something positive).

[LadyDragus]

He lives..

Thank you..
so much for your kind words..