[widgets]

I am not sure if its completely accurate but it goes something like this,

Neurotics complain of their illness, but they make the most of it, and when it comes to talking it away from them they will defend it like a lioness her young

I feel this is true for me, i hate it and when i am in my worst stages and all i want to do is die, i wish and wish to be normal.
But when its not there, i feel so empty...
I dont understand this, does anyone else?

[justfloating]

I can understand this quote. Mental illness has become such a big part of my life, and it has a direct influence on so many aspects of my daily life, that when I'm not feeling it I'm not sure what I SHOULD be feeling. Basically, I'm sick so often that it's a shock to my system when I start feeling well.

[lonegael]

I think it is particularly true when one starts to identify with the illness. You become th illness. You know what to expect from it. Health? What the blazes can one expect from that ? I really think thought that the reasons for defending it can vary greatly from person to person. It can be fear of success, entitlement, an odd sense of revenge, a sense of identity, a feeling that one draws creativity or strength from the illness, any number of things. People are different.

[Lilleth]

The few times I feel ok I am glad but at the same time afraid as it feels strange to feel ok. I am so glad for it but dread not knowing how long it will last me feeling "normal" as I remember all the other times when I thought Thank God I am feeling alright thank god its over then it all comes back I am in a dark place again. How do you hang on feeling alright and keep out the dark.

[Miracle1986]

I can identify with this.
Sometimes I feel like depression is such a part of me that I don't think I'd know how to act or what to think if I didn't have it with me.

[notablackbarbie]

i can relate to this too. Maybe because we've been depressed for so long...like i dont even think i have a disease a lot of the time. Its just me that is THIS bad. So when we're possibly possitive and too busy to wallow, were also waiting for the other shoe to drop cuz "something" is missing...

I can definitely relate to this quote. I have made the mistake of identifying too much with my Bipolar Disorder, and whenever I feel "normal" I get confused. What am I supposed to feel? Where did my unbalanced feelings of mania and depression go? What do I do now? It's like I'm lost without it.

[Onward2wards]

Interesting observation. I think two factors come into play here:
1. We become habituated to our own discomfort. Abnormal becomes normal; self-defeating behaviors and patterns of thought become simply what we are used to.
2. People have a hard time dealing with the ambiguity and stress that comes from big changes. Even a positive change shakes up our sense of who we are and what we can expect to varying degrees, and that is stressful for anyone. We tend to resist such changes even when they are useful, because even a positive adaptation demands energy. It's just like adopting a healthy lifestyle after years of being a sedentary chain smoker surviving on coffee and cupcakes - the challenge can be that significant.

[sundog]

I really agree with what Lilleth says here. For me it's about being afraid to trust the good feelings. When I'm feeling better I have so much more to lose. Because slipping back into depression and anxiety after a period of stability hurts a lot more than just staying depressed. It's so much further to fall.......So when I do feel better, I find myself worrying about when the good feelings are going to end. And then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I'm trying to accept the fact that everything changes all the time, especially my moods, and that nothing is permanent. This is helping me to enjoy the times when I do feel better, instead of constantly worrying about when the good feelings are going to end. In the same way, when I'm depressed and anxious, I'm trying to keep reminding myself that I will feel better again.

I'm trying to stop the "black and white" thinking and also to spend more time in the moment. It's a work in progress!!!

Wishing you all the best!

[widgets]

When i am manic my thoughts are, "well being bipolar/depressed makes me so much better cause i'm a deep thinker, only clever people suffer with true depressed, blah blah, i'm so amazing that even my illness is amazing."
When i am depress, "I would shoot myself if i knew for a fact this would never go away, but at least its one thing i am sure about, i'll never be loved, at least the illness wont leave me," type thoughts.
WHen i am feel norma/happy/relaxed, "How long will this last, how boring is this, what is there to my life, how mundane.... when it comes back i will want to kill myself.... if it doesnt, then whats the point in living like this forever."
its so nice to actually hear/see other people say, yes i relate to this.
Not being funny, but people with any sort of mental health issue, have a habit of over thinking things, and some things i just wont think of, and its nice to see people sum up the things i can never put into words.
I know i dont make sense, i'm sorry.