[beautifuldisaster78]

Okay, I have to ask- does anyone else feel really depressed during party time? My daughters 10th birthday was today. I arranged it all, despite my great inability to be organized it turned out pretty well. It was at Chuck-E-Cheese so really all I had to do was bring the kids, cake, and money. (which I actually screwed up on because I forgot the candles and was a few dollars short on the money too). But all in all she had a blast. I could feel the depression really sink in before the party. And during it, I felt it looming but I kept myself busy doing everything I could do and chatting with parents. During clean-up though when it was all over I really felt my heart ache. And now, that the kids are in bed and the pictures are all digitalized and everything's done... I'm way down in the dumps. And I don't know why! I'm not really stressed about her getting older. She's 10. I don't feel that's a huge issue with me.

But a child's birthday party should be a joyous occasion, and I had to FORCE myself to smile and pretend I was having fun! It should not be this way. When the kids went to bed I just broke down crying.

And really- I'm like this in almost every social situation. Family gatherings, parties, holidays, etc... It all seems surreal while it is happening, and they ultimately depress me.

Is anyone else like this? Does anyone know why they are like that?

[justfloating]

((((((((((beautifuldisaster))))))))))))

I feel that way ALL THE TIME. Holidays, family gatherings, parties, whatever ... For some reason I can't really get in the right mood and I just have to fake it. It's incredibly tiring. I'm not sure why it happens but try not to beat yourself up about it. You gave your daughter what sounds like an excellent birthday! You did that DESPITE your depression. That's a HUGE triumph, and I'm sure your daughter appreciates you being there for her on her big day.

[sad nana]

I totally understand your feelings. I went to our family reunion and forced myself to smile for the pictures. I went to Hershey Park with my grandkids and forced myself to smile. Now my daughter has asked me to host a baby shower for her next month, and I dread doing it. I've already done the invitations and feel that I have to do this for her. I just wish that I could have a good time. I've been in a deep depression for 11 months where I really have no feelings at all. Anhedonia is what I believe I have. I've been on numerous meds and been in the hospital twice in the last year. No one or no institution has been able to help me feel again. Having to plan a party and act like everthing is fine is very difficult. I was at my graddaughter's 3rd birthday last Sunday, and all I wanted to do was to really smile, you know, a true smile from inside that comes from love. I've lost all ability to feel happiness and show it. I just finished 6 weeks of TMS treatments, and I was unable to even cry for 10 months, and just two weeks ago cried @ my counseling session. My therapist said that it was good to finally be able to feel some emotion and show it. But I'm nowhere happy inside, and now with parties coming with the holiday season, I dread faking it again. It was good that you were able to do the party for your daughter. I hope that you will able to feel happiness again soon.

[Rohag]

Hello, Beautifuldisaster78! I rely on acting to get me through my remaining social interactions, which are few and infrequent, and then feel drained afterwards.

Originally Posted by justfloating

You gave your daughter what sounds like an excellent birthday! You did that DESPITE your depression. That's a HUGE triumph...

I absolutely agree! You may not be able to feel satisfaction, but you certainly deserve to.

[Lizabelle]

(((((((beautifuldisaster))))))))))))
I know how you feel, that's for sure. I have to have interactions all the time at school, and they are hard to get through, that's for sure! But the important thing is that you made it through it without breaking down in front of everybody, which is more than I can do sometimes!
I think that we get like that because we want to feel happy, and when we can't, it makes us sad. I know that some days I am just irritable all of the time because I hate that everyone is so happy!

[Omers]

I have it too. For me I really enjoy the planning part more than anything then just wish someone else could take over once the planning was done! Pulling off something like that takes a lot of energy and I know if I get the least bit tired the depression uses it to sneak in on me. For me it is also about not having family and very few friends. Parties remind me how alone I am. I tried to do all the parties and stuff parents are supposed to do for their kids the first year I had my son. I was relieved to find out after a year that he didn't like them either and got upset after! He is just as happy getting to pick where we go out to dinner, eat cake an do a favorite activity. I am very lucky.
My thought would be to try and be sure to do something for you when you have to do parties. Something you can look forward to as the depression starts to lurk. For little events I use starbucks. For big things I find someone that can watch my son for a night or a weekend and live in the bath tub with Ben & Jerry! Their carrot cake icecream is amaizing... but limited edition. Or... an extra session with my massage therapist!

[Lilleth]

Know how you feel the important thing is that you still managed to do it.