So many questions...

I ask myself this question a lot. Why we are here? What is our purpose in life? I was born to live, but my destiny is to die. The answer is different for everyone. How you find the reason is where I am lost. I am only 21 right now, yes I'm still young. But my age does not tell you who I am. That is another question that floats in my head. Who am I? What is the purpose as to my arrival in this maddening world? Do I even have a purpose? Why as a child I was carefree and happy and now seclusion? I do not understand who I am. I feel as though I am lost in darkness all alone with no one around, hearing nothing. I live with my mom, but she has no idea what I do. She knows nothing of me. No one in my family knows what I do. My hobbies, my likes and dislikes. It's almost as if I'm just an extra head around. Why can't I sleep? I can't be an insomniac, but for some reason, sleeping is very hard for me. Many times I wonder if I am really part of this family. Or if I even deserve a family. This is looking more like the rantings of an immature child. How pathetic am I? Most of the time I am in my room all alone. So when a "friend" calls, I eagerly wait for them to come over. But sometimes, when they are over, I observe them. They would take advantage of me and steal money thinking I wouldn't notice. I don't know how to confront them. If I do, I'm worried that then I will be truly alone. And I don't want that. So I keep quiet and act like nothing happened. I don't know if my problem is even a problem. And I don't know what to do to solve it. Being alone, is greater than any other fear I have.

I don't even know if any of that makes sense. I don't really get out much so my social skills are rather low. My apologies if any one get's offended or anything.

'There is a difference from being alone and lonely. I am about as alone as one can be, even with friends. In my case, my life was settled, but due to my medical condition, intersex parts of both genders, I was always afraid to get too close to people, because I felt like a freak. I always had friends and was active in things, but often unhappy and frightened I wouldn't measure up. I took male hormones which created problems.
After a chromosome test showed I have xx female chromosomes, I quit taking the hormones and developed as a woman. I moved from my home and live that way. Everything I assumed about myself and my life fell appart. I felt like killing myself, or curling up into a little ball and never facing the world again. But I forced myself to meet new people in new surroundings. I became active in a church, and I did vollunteer work. I like gardening and found a gardening club. I am still alone inside, because I don't share my past. I feel like a spy inside, and sometimes it feels that I can't go on. I measure progress hour by hour at those times. If I can just make it to the next hour, maybe I can get through the next. I share this not to reveal my odd condition, but to let you know how I cope.
I don't know why we are here either. It is a philosophical question people have been asking for thousands of years, probably longer. I do know the odds against any of us being born are astraunomical. Think about it. You are here because some people died at the right time or didn't, or families moved, men and women met fortuitously. Everything had to work perfectly for us to exist. Just one thing out of kilter ten thousand years ago would have changed history so someone else would or wouldn't have been born but none of us would have been here. We have won a fantastic lottery. So far as we know, we have one chance at life in on this earth. Maybe there is reincarnation, but even so, we don't come back as the same people.
I don't know if any of us has a purpose. Maybe we have to create our own reasons for being. All I know is we have been given a fabulous gift denied to more potential lives, and we needn't waste it.
Friends who steal from you don't seem like very good friends. I understand why you would not want to alienate them for fear of being alone. At least keep your money hidden.
I can't tell you what to do, but here are suggestions. You are 21 which is young enough to do almost anything you want. You have a lot of time. What are you interested in? Have you considered taking college courses to learn your capabilities and meet people. Community college is cheaper. Make lists of your strengths and interests. If you decided to take courses, you can apply for schollarships or borrow money at low rates from the government, not payable until after you get a degree.
As for not being able to sleep, excercise. Walk or jog, or do pushups, something to get the blood flowing. It should also help you sleep, if you think of calming things.
All you need to do is one or two positive things each day. The knowledge that you did those little things like going to a church womens' group will build you like blocks, one block at a time. If you can help someone feel better, maybe just by saying hi on the street, it will make you feel better too.
You didn't offend me" I don't undestand who I am. I feel as though I am lost in darkness all alone with no one around," just as you do. I feel like an alien, sometimes screaming to get out, while I smile placidly. "Being alone, is greater than any other fear I have." Me too, and even with people, I am always alone. But I am learning to accept that being lonely is not the same as being alone.
If you take little steps, some will be miserable failures, but pick yourself off and decide why they failed and try again. Most will be successes building onto newer ones.
You can do it if I can. Picture me wearing a dress to church for the first time. I had such a panic attack, I thought I would die or throw up, but I beat it, and things got better.
I even remembered to cross my legs. Ha!
You didn't offend me, and I am sure you didn't offend anyone else. I hope I didn't offend you. I am just trying to help. Please keep in contact with the forum and let us know how you are.
I wish you well.

I thank you for your words of encouragement. I'm amazed with how you cope with it. The pain is so out of this world to me that it really can't leave my mind. I've tried some of your suggestions before but it just doesn't work for me. One thing though is that I have been going to school for a year now, and I still feel as though I haven't found my way yet. When I first started school, I was excited that I was going to meet new people and finally take that step forward into life. But it feels like it changed for the worst. I've hardly made any friends in the school, most of them talk to me only when they need help or to see if they can copy my work. Having the personality I have, I let them copy and that's all I ever talk to them about. The more and more I live, the more and more people walk over me. I have about another year of school before I finish with an AA. I don't really leave my room much, it' s like my safe house where I can never be touched or hurt. I guess you could say I'm scared of what other people think of me. I always try to be on everyone's good side. But I'm starting to learn that it isn't possible and it hurts to know. More and more I hate school and people everyday, but I can't hate them to thier face. I have no idea how much crap had been held in throughout my life, and sometimes I explode on the wrong people and it really brings me down after it's over. Once again after reading this over, I'm not sure if it makes sense.

I'm just curious as to those tests things. The results stated that it was a severe case of depression and it was recommended that I seek professional help. But should I trust tests like that? For all I know it can be some guy just wanting to toy with my emotions.

Welcome to psychcentral. You DO know don't you , that THAT is the chief question of philosophers in the world? Yes, we each have our own path, but I believe in a supernatural reason for it all. You have plenty of time to forumulate your own answer to this question. But such questions, if not allowed to be blocks on our path, are good!