[hayward]

I posted on the General thread a few minutes ago but maybe should've been here. I won't go into my story anymore. I am so hoping that coming to this site can perhaps help me with the loneliness I feel.

Over 30 years later and I still feel exactly the same way I did when I was 16. But now add all the years of guilt and regret and failure. I am completely raw with emotion. My heart hurts, really hurts. My body is flooding with tears. I am just so so sad I can barely stand it.

[Leed]

Dear Hayward ~ Why are you torturing yourself with guilt and regret??? What good does this do?? I would venture a guess that this "guilt" doesn't even belong to you - that you're feeling guilty about something that is by no means your fault. And regret is like a cancer - it eats at you. You can't change anything by regretting it. You might just as well accept it, and move on with your life.

We have ALL been failures at something. I was a complete failure at my first marriage. I had no business getting married the first time -- I was only 18, and I didn't even HAVE to get married. LOL But I'm not going to regret it. Any time we can learn from something, we shouldn't regret it.

I'm so sorry that you're so sad. Why not talk to your doctor? It sounds like you need an antidepressant to me. There is NO SHAME in needing one - perhaps it's just a temporary need. I've been on an antidepressant for years and years as I'm clinically depressed. Heck, I was depressed as a child. I'll probably be taking one til I drop dead. Please talk to your doctor -- i'm sure he'll understand and will be helpful. God bless and please take care. We all care about you. Hugs, Lee

[shezbut]

((((hayward))))

Maybe you can try a combo of medications for this deep funk? I take Effexor XR 300 mg/day, Buspar 30 mg/twice per day, and additonal meds to help me fall & stay asleep at night. I may need to add another or make a switch to get me out of my deep funk too.

No fun. I know. Try not to focus on those past regrets and stop kicking yourself for could haves and should haves. We have no control over that part of our lives. All we can do now is work to accept NOW. Going for walks, joining a gym, do exercise videos will help to put a little more pep in our days.

[ayana95]

Originally Posted by hayward

I posted on the General thread a few minutes ago but maybe should've been here. I won't go into my story anymore. I am so hoping that coming to this site can perhaps help me with the loneliness I feel.

Over 30 years later and I still feel exactly the same way I did when I was 16. But now add all the years of guilt and regret and failure. I am completely raw with emotion. My heart hurts, really hurts. My body is flooding with tears. I am just so so sad I can barely stand it.

I know lonliness. It's a miserable feeling. I am glad you found this site. Maybe you can build friendships and won't feel so lonely.

[hayward]

Thanks to all of you, I really mean that. Today I set a small goal of going for a walk. It took a lot of effort, but i did it, and I have to admit it did make a difference. Now I need to just LET myself be okay with trying to be okay, if that makes any sense.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by hayward

Now I need to just LET myself be okay with trying to be okay, if that makes any sense.

Yes, Hayward, that does make sense. I'm still working on it for myself, but it makes sense.

[Mustkeepjob32]

Hayward,

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I just saw this message, and before I was noticing the thoughtful posts you have written in the forum that helped me! I identify with you in a way. I was depressed when I was a teenager, and now I'm 32 and still depressed, worse off than I've ever been and I can't go back to do things over! I've tried every antidepressant known to man (not all of them religiously mind you) and tried pdocs and T but have really suffered. I don't remember anything from my 20s, except that somehow I got an associate degree in the first part. I keep waiting for my life to start.
It's hard to let go of our past issues, I find it incredibly difficult. But dwelling on them doesn't help any of us. That's why I'm here at psychcentral.com and so glad to have found this site!

Z

[hayward]

Thank you MKJ32. That "waiting for my life to start" point is so familiar to me. I am always thinking that if I could just decide on something i want to do- something that matches up with all my strengths and passions and abilities and needs, then I would indeed be happy- my life would finally start. I could forget about the past. If If If If If...

What I really have missed out on is realizing there is no one perfect job, or one perfect thing that will make my life "start". This is my life. I have just one. You are right, we can't go back and change anything.

Right now is the part of the post where I would normally go on and on and it would be depressing to me and anyway who reads it. I'm going to shock myself and completely change this chain of thought .. right now.. wait.. I am trying... wait some more.. yep, I think I can do it...!

Phew! Ok.. how about my attempt to end on a more positive note:

Life is not a final destination, it is a process. You can't just start your life, because that means there is a final destination, and not one that is open ended. Sort of.. Oh well, forget it, I tried anyway.

[learning1]

Originally Posted by hayward

Phew! Ok.. how about my attempt to end on a more positive note:

Life is not a final destination, it is a process. You can't just start your life, because that means there is a final destination, and not one that is open ended. Sort of.. Oh well, forget it, I tried anyway.

That counts as a cute ending on a positive note to me ... anyway, from someone over here who doesn't always have much sense of humour, you got a chuckle from me