Done...

I'm sick of always crying. I'm sick of feeling like this all the time. My mom suffers, she cries a lot now, she cant pay the bills, she makes 'too much' to get on food stamps or anything. She says she cant provide for us. I feel like, I should have never been born. She and my sister would have such a good life without me. They could get a two bedroom house, and wouldn't have to worry about paying for all my doctor visits and stuff. I went to the doctor today to adress my sinus problem (I havent been able to breathe out of my nose since like september) and what does he do? He gives me the same **** i've been taking that doesn't help. So, i'm depressed about that too. I'm tired of suffering, i'm angry at myself for living, and I don't want to call a suicide helpline or anything. I cant talk to anyone, I can't do anything to calm myself down. I just want to fall asleep and die. Nothing will ever get better. Nothing...

Perhaps this isn't the right situation for this. But if you're like me, when you want to lay down and die you also feel like killing yourself just a bit. I'll give you this link and you can read it whenever you want to, at your leisure.

http://www.ryanpatrickhalligan.org/d...r_Decision.pdf

I've been there. Where everything loses it's color and beauty, and it seems like if I'm just going to suffer forever, why bother?It'll never get better no matter what I do, so why try?

I'm not going to start talking about how life is worth living, find your purpose, etc. But I am going to say this.

Your mom and your sister love you. And if you were dead, they'd miss you. You may not think they will, but I know your mom will at the very least. You don't carry something around for 9 months, give birth to it, then raise it without caring about it at least a little.

Your friends would miss you. Your PC friends, and even those on here who don't know you so well, would miss you.

Live for the people around you. When you are in a place where it's a possibility, seek professional help. Medication can go a long way in helping to kill the depression.

You're strong. You can get through this. The sun will rise, just keep looking for it.

HaybeeHalo, are you still scheduled to see that new therapist this month?

By the way, I find nasal lavage to work well for my sinuses, but it takes some getting used to.