Can't take it

I plan on telling her.
I hope to explore my phobias more. ^^
I get shivery cold constantly, but that was a rare time when it was actually cold in my room.
I love listening to music, reading things, and um... I like some video games.

I m pleased you are planning on telling her :-) it will help. Let me know how it goes.

When do u get the shivery cold? Is it connected with the phobia do u think?

Do everything u can to stay warm. Layers of clothe. Heating. Hot water bottle.

Cool. So u like music too. What sort? And what sort of stuff do u read? I like computer games too - mostly strategy and resources games. Which kind do u like? Does it help to play? Do u feel less panicky when u play read or listen to music?

I m off to sleep so will pick up your reply tomorrow. Stay warm dear one x

i suffer from anxiety and i miss out on so much in life i didnt leave my house for a year and i try to keep it together for my family but its so hard i feel like i cant breath and im going to die, i dont want my family to think im crazy but i guess i am i understand what your saying i think some people think im faking and i dont know how long i can deal with this.

I'm sorry budda, I hope you feel better soon. Having people think that you are lying sucks. I miss out alot too, like the fact that I am seventeen and never had a crush on anyone that I haven't met through the internet. And that I am very unsure about people, like how I think all people that talk to me have bad intentions and plan to hurt me or make fun of me. I haven't had a friend since I was 12!

[quote=Don't touch me;1675508]Thanks!
My Mother now says that I am lying. She said that I use my illness to manipulate people. I Thanks for the kindness.[/quote
My mom has been saying for years that I make my self depressed... that I want to be miserable. I try not to let her ignorance get to me. It hurts though that she doesn't understand. It hurts that she won't educated herself about mental illness.

Hello Dont Touch Me, how are you today?

Its sad to read that you never had a crush. Sounds like you would want to. So it can become an aim - like something to work towards. The aim is to meet someone you connect with. Now what are the steps to reach that goal? And how much of these steps can you do and how much is unthinkable?

You say you are sure everyone is out there to harm you. Do you feel that we, on PC, try to harm you?

How do you go to school? How often do you go out of the house?

I would like you to know that its ok to be scared and I think you are brave for doing what you can to heal. It takes time but so worth it! So keep on.

I wonder - when you think of the year you were 12 - what comes to mind?

xx

Now, sweetie, remember my profile? and I'm 59 and I'm still here. So, I win, HA, HA, HA! The best advice I can give you based on 55 years experience with people and pain (love to me is a four letter word) is make sure you are healthy before you attempt to start any kind of romantic relationship with anybody. I'd give years off my life if someone had drilled that into my head at your age. (And remember when I say that, I'm old as dirt. Seriously, kid, I can really relate to. And pardon me, but I used to be all rainbows, and happy faces, and kittens, and puppies, til life crushed me like a grape. So I'm kind of a hard talker but it's all because I care. If I could bare your pain, I would. But since I can't, remember you can tell me anything in a PM and I will help any way I can. Hold on. Stay strong. I have faith in you. Besides, I get to know you better. I think I told you. For an old lady I can be pretty cool.

[quote=Don't touch me;1682650]I'm sorry budda, I hope you feel better soon. Having people think that you are lying sucks. I miss out alot too, like the fact that I am seventeen and never had a crush on anyone that I haven't met through the internet. And that I am very unsure about people, like how I think all people that talk to me have bad intentions and plan to hurt me or make fun of me. I haven't had a friend since I was 12![/quote Hey sweetie. It's the old lady who didn't have a friend til she was in hi school. Remember me? Check the profile. Me & pain, BFF's. To me, love is a four letter word. However, I have developed a genuine fondness for you because even tho I am now old as dirt, I can still recall the pain & trauma I suffered when I was young. So, I'm going to give you some advice that I would have given years off my life for at your age. (If I had followed this advice my entire life probably would have been much, much better. Do not even attempt to develop any kind of romantic relationship with someone until you know absolutely that you are well yourself. I know, I know. I always let my heart rule my head and now I am without a partner, bitter and old. On the other hand I am also one fierce b**ch. You do not want any of this old lady. Seriously, honey, anything I can do for you thru this forum let me know. PM me anytime, about anything. Stay strong. Who knows, you might turn out to be a cool old lady like me!

Haha. Emotional Ninja, I hope I am cool like you.
Thanks for the advice, I will take it to heart.

I am probably going to check on you everyday. No one knows better than I (I think anyway) what it's like to feel like an alien on your own planet. I'm a huge sci fi lover. Read my first sci fi book in fourth grade. Been hooked ever since. My favorite kind of sci fi is where humanity finally comes to a place where everyone is accepted and appreciated for their uniqueness. I am now in a place where I not only appreciate the fact that I'm different from anyone I ever met, I actually embrace it and am proud of it. Frankly, I think most people are BORING. They mostly spout platitudes and have never had an original thought in their heads. I sincerely hope that somewhere down the line you find a like minded individual close to your own age. It would be like a lifeline. Anyway, you're in my thoughts everyday so I'll keep bugging you if you let me.

Thanks for checking on me Emotional Ninja. I'm alright today. I have slept almost all day.

I'm going to check on you every day if it's alright with you. I continue to have concern for you,

Don't touch me,

I hope that you are gaining at least some strength from the posts you've received. There's a lot of good advice I'm seeing here from everyone.

It's very hard when you're suffering and other people don't understand or validate that suffering. Unfortunately our society has very little comprehension of what mental illness is and how to cope with it. I think anything that has to do with the loss of control over oneself is terrifying to most people and they'd prefer not to deal/think about it. Most don't even recognize that mental illness has nothing to do with personal fortitude or willpower.

Mental illness runs in my family as well. My Uncle was diagnosed manic depressive (now known as Bipolar)/borderline schizophrenic at sixteen (I think) and permanently hospitalized at nineteen. He passed away in the hospital at 54 two years ago. While mental illness still seems to have an air of taboo in current society, I can only imagine the stigma that existed back in the 50's and 60's. I know my Grandfather thought for the longest time that my Uncle's behavior was under his own control, if he only had the 'will' to control it. Given enough time he came to realize it was not.

The odd thing about human beings is how much denial we can be about things that we know deep down to be true. My Aunt (my Mother had two sisters and two brothers) has a son with Aspergers and couldn't admit it to herself until he was twenty even though there were signs that there was something wrong when he was an infant. Even her own experience of having a mentally ill brother didn't guard against denial.

As much as you are dealing with your mental issues, the people around you have their own as well. Personally I believe no one escapes, especially in today's society, a certain amount of mental baggage. Don't take their burdens as your own. Don't personalize THEIR issues. You have enough to deal with. They obviously don't understand, but that's not your responsibility. It's a burden, yes, because it exasperates your isolation, but don't identify yourself with their own denial. I hope you get what I'm meaning here, I know it sounds convoluted.

One way or another, it sounds like you may need a new therapist. Do realize that good therapy involves a certain amount of digging and uncomfortable feelings. To a degree overcoming mental illness is a form of emotional weightlifting, breaking down and hurting before building up to something stronger. Not that I'm an authority! I'm a mess myself right now. But please, get help. Try and find other outlets to connect with others. Are there any group therapy sessions you might get involved with? If so, use these sessions to connect with people and maybe find a different therapist. I actually found a great therapist through a Codependents Anonymous group, unfortunately I moved away from where she was located.

Also, I strongly recommend continuing your education. You stated somewhere that by turning 18 you'd have to start working, which isn't necessarily the worst thing in the world for you, but college offers a realm of opportunities to better your mind in more ways than one. I'm not sure if that is financially an option for you, but I highly recommend it, even if it's only one class a semester at a community college, getting out there learning about something you're interested in while exposing yourself to new people isn't a bad thing. Talk about crazy, I haven't done precisely that in five years, but I know it's the right thing to do. If you can manage it, I think it might help.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that life gets easier for you.


(Eegads that was long! Sorry for being a blowhard!)

Thanks. I like my therapist now, I just hated my last one. The new one is helping (I guess), and mental illness runs very very deep in my family too.