[Nemo39122]

Like the title says, I'm seriously annoyed by small talk or casual conversations when depressed. Anyone else like this?
For example, talking about movies, weather, typical things that seem relatively happy bug me. Why? Because I don't care. If someone talks about something fun, it bugs me. Not only do I don't care but I can't feel the happiness they're talking about, so it just makes me more depressed. The main reason though is because I just don't care. It seems like the only conversations I can tolerate are deep probably depressing ones. One exception would be humor and joking around, because that's how I often deal with depression so I can tolerate it pretty well most of the time.

Anyone else like this? How do you not act really annoyed and keep the conversation going? After all the other person/people are just trying to have a nice conversation with me. My mind just doesn't want to

[Don't touch me]

I feel the exact same way. No one ever seems to talk about anything really interesting. And it really makes me feel more alone.

[justfloating]

I'm the same way. I'm not very good at small talk as it is, but when I'm feeling depressed it's the absolute last kind of conversation I want to have. I tend to isolate a lot when I'm depressed, which doesn't help much, but making small talk with people I don't know well doesn't help either. Honestly, I just sort of play along until I can find a way to politely excuse myself. In order to avoid complete isolation I try to talk to friends or relatives, people who know about my depression and who I can be honest with about my mood.

[Don't touch me]

justfloating, that is exactly what I tend to do.

[shezbut]

I know exactly what you're talking about ~ it can be hard to make it through some conversations.

Are you in therapy? If so, be sure to bring up how often these incidents occur & how intense the feeling of negativity that you fight is. If you aren't seeing a T, start there asap.

Seeing a T regularly, and being honest about your emotions over what's happening in life ought to help you decrease the intensity and regularity of negative emotions.

Gentle hugs to you Xx Not Emo Xx!!

[Nemo39122]

@ justfloating: yeah sometimes I talk to my best friend who would understand, we don't typically have boring conversations like I described anyway (maybe she's the same way, not sure)

@ shezbut: I don't see a T right now, but I'm trying to work up the courage to start by talking to a counselor at my university.

[Gently1]

So true, not caring, no joy- anhedonia. I also know what you are talking about.

I was irritated with small talk even before the depression. As an introvert, that does not mind being alone this was not really big change.

Even though the depression makes 'small talk' harder to take, the larger challenge was not paying bills, buying groceries and not caring that I did not care.

Glad my mood has improved slightly- now I care, but then the anxiety takes over of the consequences of not paying bills, and so my energy has not improved, even less time for small talk.

I try to be polite, and that is enough, and i do the same as justfloating, look for a timely exit. I also am sustained by a few close friends, and a great doc's and T. ok meds...

...and reading post like yours, I do not feel alone.
G1

[whenwillitend]

For me it's more that small talk takes way too much effort and energy, things I can't bring up when I feel depressed. I'm horrible at small talk anyway, and feeling down doesn't make it any better.

[Nemo39122]

whenwillitend, I'm horrible at it too, depressed or otherwise. At least when not depressed I can occasionally think of how to respond, smile, and just be polite in general.

I'm also an introvert Gently1, which I guess makes it easier. Although it would be nice to have a non-serious conversation with friends and actually care...
I also agree, that reading the replies makes me feel less alone too

[Umbral_Seraph]

I always hate making small talk no matter what mood I'm in.
A large part of is the fact that I generally feel only apathy towards anything; I'm not known for having an opinion.

[sarek]

I don't think its limited to depression only. Its most likely a general quirk of many neurodiverse people.
I am ADD and have exactly the same dislike for smalltalk and instead prefer deep reaching meaningful conversations.

[Perna]

I don't think anything is interesting to us, unless it is interesting to us! I don't know anyone who really enjoys talking about the weather. . . unless there are specific stories they want to tell about themselves. But, if you don't know that person well or want to know that person well, why would you care about their weather story? It would be like watching the weather channel? Who does that for more than the time it takes to see how many inches of snow might come tonight?

One problem is, I know I don't go to movies, don't watch many on TV either so if you discuss your recent experience at the movies, how you liked/did not like a certain movie, you'll bore/lose me (unless, again, you are a close friend/relative or I am thinking of seeing that movie).

Small talk is only an introduction! It's just an "in" to deeper conversation or a "filler" to get past the awkward we've-met-by-accident-here-at-the-water-cooler-and-have-to-acknowledge-each-other situation. Only those who have a direct interest in whatever movie/weather situation or are avoiding deeper discussions will "stay" with small talk. My T strictly forbade small talk, by name for our sessions :-)

So, what do you think about those Steelers?

[Emotional Ninja]

Okay people, I'm 59 and I've been annoyed by small talk since I was six. There is absolutely nothing wrong with finding small talk banal and useless. When I was a kid I was painfully shy. As I grew older I grew tired of the pain and made the decision to do something about it. My solution was to pretend. I acted like the others, studied them, became them. Yes, it was exhausting. But in the end it paid off. Eventually it became second nature, then first nature. I learned to wear the mask of so called normal society so well that it became effortless. Boy has it made life easier. Now I can make conversation with anyone, anywhere, anytime. I have become a chameleon. T says it was my coping mechanism. Don't know about that, but fitting in (even if you have to fake it) is easier than being an outcast. There is an old saying I love, quote " I dont suffer fools gladly", and I still don't. But I do tolerate them. Plus people (who have no clue I am really), love me! I find it hilarious. I only use my powers for good to try to help people. I never try to manipulate others for my benefit. One final tip. Try to steer the conversation towards others. Believe me, people love to talke about themselves, I know I do. HA! And it has the side benefit of taking the pressure off you. Win, Win. Really hope this helps all of you. Sorry for your pain. Mine has been a long and painful road. I cam empathize. Check my profile. It might give you some idea about the real me. Best to all of you. Good luck.

[TruthReign]

All the time. I feel like I'm comparing the conversations I used to have at school to the ones I have now. There's hardly anyone I can sit down with and have an actual conversation that I enjoy.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Emotional Ninja

There is an old saying I love, quote " I dont suffer fools gladly", and I still don't.

My line was always, "I'm surrounded by turkeys!"

[CesarioRose]

Originally Posted by Emotional Ninja

Okay people, I'm 59 and I've been annoyed by small talk since I was six. There is absolutely nothing wrong with finding small talk banal and useless. When I was a kid I was painfully shy. As I grew older I grew tired of the pain and made the decision to do something about it. My solution was to pretend. I acted like the others, studied them, became them. Yes, it was exhausting. But in the end it paid off. Eventually it became second nature, then first nature. I learned to wear the mask of so called normal society so well that it became effortless. Boy has it made life easier. Now I can make conversation with anyone, anywhere, anytime. I have become a chameleon. T says it was my coping mechanism. Don't know about that, but fitting in (even if you have to fake it) is easier than being an outcast. There is an old saying I love, quote " I dont suffer fools gladly", and I still don't. But I do tolerate them. Plus people (who have no clue I am really), love me! I find it hilarious. I only use my powers for good to try to help people. I never try to manipulate others for my benefit. One final tip. Try to steer the conversation towards others. Believe me, people love to talke about themselves, I know I do. HA! And it has the side benefit of taking the pressure off you. Win, Win. Really hope this helps all of you. Sorry for your pain. Mine has been a long and painful road. I cam empathize. Check my profile. It might give you some idea about the real me. Best to all of you. Good luck.

(First off, i usually don't lurk this forum; i'm BP, and a little borderline. But we all suffer depression at some point, some more then others. )

But holy moly... you too act like a chameleon to people. I thought I was the only one; but that too was, and still is, one of my major coping skills. (It becomes an extreme sometimes, but we won't get into that here.)

But it really depends on my mood, but for this forum, when i'm depressed I have the classic example of apathy in anything and everything. I had it bad this summer when I quit doing everything I once thought enjoyable; watching TV, watching anything, playing video games, reading... the only thing that kept me going was music. And only angry, or lifeless music like DJ cuts and noise/scream-electro.

Even to this day, when i'm depressed i loathe small talk, and prefer deep insightful chats about depressive subjects, and the psychology of others. (I have an immense interest in learning about other people's psych history, so i can best emulate them.)

But as a sufferer of BP, and depressive episodes, i can relate to complete and utter lost of interesting in all things.

[diamondsandpearls]

This is the worst when you are depressed. When I am depressed the thing I dread the most is having to go someplace where I know I will have to engage in conversation. I'd rather just be in my room, alone where no one can bug me. Not only do I not enjoy talking with ppl, and find it annoying I also find when I am depressed it is hard for me to think of things to talk about with people. I feel like I stumble in conversations and just kind of feel out of it. I also feel like I have to fake emotions in these convos. My friends will be laughing and finding stuff so humorous and I just kinda fake smile and laugh and count down the minutes until I can go.

[Nemo39122]

Originally Posted by CesarioRose

(First off, i usually don't lurk this forum; i'm BP, and a little borderline. But we all suffer depression at some point, some more then others. )

But holy moly... you too act like a chameleon to people. I thought I was the only one; but that too was, and still is, one of my major coping skills. (It becomes an extreme sometimes, but we won't get into that here.)

But it really depends on my mood, but for this forum, when i'm depressed I have the classic example of apathy in anything and everything. I had it bad this summer when I quit doing everything I once thought enjoyable; watching TV, watching anything, playing video games, reading... the only thing that kept me going was music. And only angry, or lifeless music like DJ cuts and noise/scream-electro.

Even to this day, when i'm depressed i loathe small talk, and prefer deep insightful chats about depressive subjects, and the psychology of others. (I have an immense interest in learning about other people's psych history, so i can best emulate them.)

But as a sufferer of BP, and depressive episodes, i can relate to complete and utter lost of interesting in all things.

I know what you mean. I do feel like I'm acting like a chameleon sometimes. I usually just call it a mask. It also becomes an extreme for me, I often forget what I would really act like. I don't know if that's because of depression itself, or faking normalcy so often to where I forget how to be myself.
The only thing that keeps me going at times is also music. People really seem to underestimate it....I'm glad someone understands.

[clouds_and_sun]

Oh I hate small talk, I suffer from Social Anxiety so man you can imagine how bad I sweat and fidgit with my fingers and all. What is the purpose of small talk, ekk.

[Amura]

I do not like small talk either. Mainly because like most of you: I don't care and I do not retain mainstream facts about TV/Movies.
My other problem is that I am virtually incapable initiating conversations with people. Most of the time I end up in an uncomfortable silence.
I wish I had the capability to talk like some of my friends, they are able to talk for hours about nothing! The people involved seem really engaged in these conversations, brief or long.
I have the same issue with phone conversations no matter if it is my best friend, sister ~ whomever! I will do anything to get to the point and get off the phone asap.

Know what's way worse than small talk?A person with waaaay too many loooong pauses in between speaking.Makes me frakin nutzz!JMO btw Amura you said it all for me hahaha

[Nemo39122]

Originally Posted by Amura

I do not like small talk either. Mainly because like most of you: I don't care and I do not retain mainstream facts about TV/Movies.
My other problem is that I am virtually incapable initiating conversations with people. Most of the time I end up in an uncomfortable silence.
I wish I had the capability to talk like some of my friends, they are able to talk for hours about nothing! The people involved seem really engaged in these conversations, brief or long.
I have the same issue with phone conversations no matter if it is my best friend, sister ~ whomever! I will do anything to get to the point and get off the phone asap.

I HATE phone conversations too. The same awkwardness of not knowing what to say, but without the ability I have in face to face conversations to pretend to text or something when it gets really quiet and awkward.

Like...OMG XxxX....that was such a perfect example for a visualization of the predicament...I have to not drink coffee and read at same time...I spit coffee again....thus the windex and paper towels beside me.I dunno...like funny:sooo true type funny.....Yeh ...face to face ...one can fidget about....but on the comp....there's this obvious and dreadful awkward silence...makes me nutz