[Don't touch me]

Can nothing stop this? No one gets the pain I am in and I just want it to end. I wish I could erase my existence completely. I wish I never had to make my family suffer so much.
I hate that I know my mind is messed up, but no one will tell me what's wrong. I just want to die....
Oh God... When I was younger I never saw myself here. Where did everything go so terribly wrong....?

[Omers]

It sounds like you are in a really nasty place. I am sorry you are hurting so much.
Just wanted you to know someone is listening.

[Rohag]

Don't touch me, may you have the strength to tell these truths to your therapist and psychiatrist, and may they have the sense to really listen to you.

[lavieenrose]

Can you say more about it? We're listening.

[Don't touch me]

I have always had problems with paranoia. Even when I was young. And I have absolutely no friends, I get scared constantly. I freak out about weird things, like today I started screaming at my brother because he couldn't find the box for a DVD of mine, and I feel like I am going completely insane. I wasted my entire life being almost too afraid to leave my house. I am seventeen now and next year I will have to work and everything...

[Leed]

Do you have a therapist now? If you don't, ask your parents if you could get one quickly. You really need to have someone to talk to, face-to-face. If you DO have one, you need to tell your therapist exactly what you told us.

When I was in high school, I felt just like that most of the time. I didn't have any therapy then because my parents "couldn't afford" it. That's what they said anyway. In fact, they could I found out later. They just didn't want to waste their money on me, I guess.

After I left home, I went into therapy myself and have been in and out of therapy ever since ~ and I'm 61 now. Right at the moment, I'm out of therapy. But I do remember in high school feeling just like you do. It was awful. After I got out of school, that went away. I can't say it will be the same for you, but I was sure glad it did.

If you can get into therapy, talk to a school counselor ~ they might be able to help - or point you in the right direction. Plus we'll be happy to listen. God bless you ~ I know it's painful. Hugs, Lee

[Don't touch me]

I go to therapy and am on Paroxetine. I got to a Psychiatrist,but no one listens to me! My therapist seems to have her mind set on me having some kind of "traumatic event" and that's not the case! I am afraid she is going to brainwash me...

And thanks for the responses. I don't go to school, I have been homeschooled since 4th grade.

[bittersweetlife]

don't give up. you are about to be 18 and able to make your own decisions. perhaps find a new therapist that YOU pick. counseling helped me, but i had to go to a few before i found one that worked for me and my issues. know that you are not alone, and that there is a whole life waiting for you.

[Don't touch me]

Thanks!
My Mother now says that I am lying. She said that I use my illness to manipulate people. I Thanks for the kindness.

[kikki27]

Originally Posted by Don't touch me

Thanks!
My Mother now says that I am lying. She said that I use my illness to manipulate people. I Thanks for the kindness.

Thats not nice for her too say that .I hate when someone say that you are being manipulate they should not say things like that huggs

[Don't touch me]

I know... I just don't even know who to trust. I feel like I can't even trust my own mind...

[(JD)]

Hmmm I'm sorry to hear that your therapist seems to you to be pushing some trauma. That rarely works out, if she is, pulling memories.

I'd bet that somewhere between what you think, what your T thinks, and what your mom thinks-- is the truth. Write it all down and see if you can find it?

What kind of pain are you experiencing, physical or psychological? Or both?

Try checking out the 10 cognitive distortions and what to do about them, a sticky post at the psychotherapy forum. You're catastrophizing, I think, when reading your first post it sounded like you were in your 40s or 50s with all that horrible life you've lived... I mean, you're not, and I'm sorry you're feeling like "your whole life" is a loss. Hang in there, you're still maturing (and hormones continue to change you.)

[carrie-19]

i cant pretend to know what your going though right now but if you ever want to chat feel free

[Don't touch me]

I feel like I'm in my 50's. I can't remember ever being happy. I have hated myself since I was six years old. There has always been something there inside me telling me I was worthless.
Not to mention I had a scary episode lost night that involved and scary robot voice whispering into my ear.
I'm sorry if I seem like I am being dramatic. And I doubt it. My family doesn't even try to understand. My mom almost does since her sister was Paranoid Schizophrenic.
I am in psychological pain mostly. And I had those ten things at my last therapist, but I had almost all of them.

[lostwithnomap]

My mother says the same thing.
She says I'm using my moods to cause HER pain.
She says I should just "snap out of it".

[clouds_and_sun]

Originally Posted by Don't touch me

Thanks!
My Mother now says that I am lying. She said that I use my illness to manipulate people. I Thanks for the kindness.

Your mother should have never said such harsh words to you, I am so sorry that she used those words to you. Please don't listen to her, when I was your age my mother would say stuff like that to me when she was drunk. I can relate to your pain.

[Don't touch me]

Thanks guys... I know she's confused... But she's never been nice about any of this... It hurts so much

[Tatyana2009]

Hello. I m sorry to read you are suffering. Its difficult enough to have the emotional turmoils without ppl telling you u manipulate... Their comments make it worse. I m sorry.

Now - i think it would be useful for you to remember that a lot of what u describe stems from the parania. I mean - the emotional pain stems from it. Thats also why u find it hard to trust your therapist. I would advise to try not to worry about trusting him/her. Trust is built in time and for different ppl it takes different time to build it. U cant and should not force it.

Having said that - remember that therapy is not about brainwash. You cannot be counselled against your will. Just like you cant learn without wanting to. Counsellors are there to work with you. Not against you. So hopefully in time and as trust builds you will feel better. But there is one condition - u have to want it.

I wonder - what was it that voice u say you heard? What did it say?

Please do not be so harsh on yourself. Things can get better. X

[Don't touch me]

Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. ^^ Yesterday I heard a very robotic voice whispering in my ear. I can't remember what it said though, I just remember it kept saying two things over and over again.

[E1234567]

Did the robot voice happen when you were in bed either asleep or half-asleep, or did it happen when you were out of bed and awake?

It doesn't sound like your mother is particularly understanding about this, and people throwing wild accusations at us only makes the stress worse. I'm sorry you're going through this.

It is important that you tell your therapist that you feel like you can't take this anymore. It's important enough to call him/her and leave a message on their voicemail.

[Tatyana2009]

Maybe the robot voice was heard because you were tired or stressed?

Maybe if you hear it next time - write what it says and draw something about how you feel about it?

Or write it here and see what others think? This can minimise the voice

I wish you well sweet one.

[Don't touch me]

I see my therapist in two days, so I guess I can wait. I have a phobia of talking on the phone.
I was in bed, but I was not half asleep. I had laid down because I wanted to be under the blankets and I was cold.

[Tatyana2009]

Thats good you see your therpaist in two days. Will you tell her about the voice?

Phobia of talking on the phone - well, maybe worth exploring that gently, only if you feel ok. What can you write about it?

I am sorry you were - was it cold in the room or did you just feel kind of shivery cold?

By the way - what do you enjoy doing? I enjoy listening to music, read and ice cream

[Emotional Ninja]

Originally Posted by Don't touch me

I go to therapy and am on Paroxetine. I got to a Psychiatrist,but no one listens to me! My therapist seems to have her mind set on me having some kind of "traumatic event" and that's not the case! I am afraid she is going to brainwash me...

And thanks for the responses. I don't go to school, I have been homeschooled since 4th grade.

If you are suffering from a genuine mental illness, then you have a disease over which you have no control. Properly diagnosed and with medication which works for you everything could be different. If you are suffering because most people are jerks and do not make the time or effort to understand you, welcome to life. I am 59 years old kid, and I have been thru alot. I was always a weirdo, but for some reason, (stubborn I guess) I always believed it was them, not me. Still do. You don't have to be like everybody else to be an O. K. person. I'm really sorry you're in pain. In my life I've experienced both severe mental as well as physical pain, and honestly, I'll take physical any day. Hang in there kid. There are others out here who hear you and care very much.

[Emotional Ninja]

Originally Posted by Don't touch me

Thanks!
My Mother now says that I am lying. She said that I use my illness to manipulate people. I Thanks for the kindness.

Just wanted to reply to your strip. Liked it a lot. However, I prefer, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean someone isn't following you. I doubt you feel very humerous at the moment. Sorry. But humor has probably been one of the main factors of my survival. I love black humor! Maybe because I get it? Have a movie suggestion for you. It's and oldy but a goody. Anybody who's ever felt misunderstood should watch it. It was made in the 70's and it's called Harold & Maude. Harold is a 16 year old boy who enjoys funerals and faking his own suicide. He meets Maude who's 79, and has a lot of the same hobbies. They have some adventures and the lyrics to the sound track are great. Give it a try. What could it hurt?