going through the motions

this is gonna be long and kinda boring..hope you all dont mind

hello all im still new here,but the advice i have recieved has been good as well as the reception. i would like to thank all of you for that. but as you can see im back again. and my depression was triggered again. its hard dealing with being on an emotional roller coaster and its to the point i feel it made me less of the man i once was. i virtually let my girlfriend walk over me when in the past that never happened. and when i would speak out,it felt as is i was talking to myself. and my mom said thats no way to be in a relationship. the stress for her and her family (by the way i was engaged to her but she called it off after i paid on the ring). the things that these people did and said and how they treated me caused me to drink,and i mean drink heavy,beer,and hard liquor and i know this is not me and i stopped. my sleep habits have been non exsisant. barely sleeping,going to work angry all types of bad things. coming home from a hard days work to a fiance that wasnt working due to being fired and wasnt trying to go back work. all the bills fell on me when i make little to no money,and at times i would just get massive headaches. and being made to feel uncomfortable in a home that i pay bills in and have to rest my head. to be put on the backburner for her family and no matter what i do its not good enough. i started to feel like pure crap all over again.

a family member who also suffers from depression says this is a blessing her leaving and all. but she's leaving in a messed up way and that sucks. i was told now that i can be free again and live the way i want and to find things that i enjoy. well i've always wanted to live out a dream and own a harley-davidson bike. i want to get ona bike and live and ride free. but those dreams were dashed because my credit sucks and im going through bankruptcy. i felt stupid and lo for wasting the peoples time talking at the bike dealership. i keep asking why does all this happen to me. am i a loser that cant do anything right. i just want a simple life. i dont want to be the richest man alive. i just want a piece of mind, and the ability to live free and no one judge me. because of my depression im told im some kind of crazy and all these things. i feel very hopeless like its no light at the end of this dark tunnel. i know to some this may seem a case of broken heart. but i felt like this without the woman issues,that just added to it. i want and need to do something for me for a change instead of always putting others ahead of myself. because look what its gotten me. NOTHING.

Don't let it harden your heart. Not all women are like she is. She sounds like a real nut case. I'm sorry you had to endure all that drama. Why her family was involved in your relationship is beyond me.

For now, just get your bankruptcy case taken care of and forget the woman. She isn't worth your worry. Once the bankruptcy is taken care of, then your worries will be over. Of course there's light at the end of the tunnel !! If your depression is getting the best of you, then you need to talk with your doctor because you need an antidepressant. if you're on one now, it's not working - you may need a change. Many times we have to change our medicines - so talk with your doctor - get your medication. You WILL feel better, I PROMISE.

Take care of yourself, okay?? And keep us posted. God bless. Hugs, Lee

Try not to beat yourself up. That's the depression talking. It's hard, I know, but those negative thoughts only feed the flame. Try doing something nice for yourself and try telling yourself that you are not a loser and that you will get through this. I know you will. I have myself. Hugs.

There's a good chance your family member is correct...
...and that is painfully true. Even if your broken relationship and bankruptcy mean a new beginning, it's a rough way forward. Exploit all your inner, medical, legal and social resources to help you through this time. Present distresses can only endure so long.

im tryng not to carry a hard heart please believe me when i say that. but its hard. i wake up feeling low,feeling that no matter what i've done it was for nothing. that no one really has cared about what i've gone through and how i feel. and i carry this daily. i dont have a doctor and im not on meds because i cant afford health insurance. and its scary because i know im in a bad place emotionally and it was before this break up wit the girlfriend. i feel caged inside and im starting to get scared

Is there a clinic near you that takes patients based on ability to pay? if there is, go there - they can help you. You really need to see someone and talk to a doctor. If this was going on before the breakup, it sounds like you need an antidepressant.

Try to find a clinic where they can help you. God bless you and please keep us updated, will you? Hugs, Lee