[justfloating]

crashed. No words. Can't talk or write, just trapped in my head. I want to go home

[Rohag]

((((((( Justfloating! )))))))

Don't talk. Don't write. Let the crash be a rest. When possible, inform folks of your condition.

[justjoanie]

((((((((((Justfloating)))))))))
One of the things I have to keep reminding myself is to keep breathing. Whenever I crash I find myself holding my breath.
Take some deep breaths. And use us as your support.
Big hugs to you....



JJ

[Maria38Divine]

Rest, but don't stay down!! We're here for you. Try dropping us even one line each day or reaching out to someone so you don't get totally consumed in your thoughts. I know that sinking feeling and I hope it passes soon.

Warm hugs

[Elana05]

Don't know if it helps but I know just how you feel. I crashed today too.
Be gentle with you.
You are important.

[turquoisesea]

((((justfloating)))))

[craZgirl]

you could feel crashed, but try taking really deep breaths. sometimes it clears your head.

You are in my thoughts, Rebecca.

[turquoisesea]

hey , just wondering how you are today? And checking in =)

[justfloating]

thanks all

I was feeling fine again yesterday. Went to class and everything. Today, though, I woke up feeling horrible again. I was anxious and irritable (over what, I'm not sure) and even though I slept through the night I felt like I hadn't slept a wink. I missed all three of my classes for the day too. Couldn't get out of bed until after 3pm and my big accomplishment for the day was having a shower ... before getting right back into bed again. This is the second week of the semester and at this point I think I've missed more classes than I've attended. I don't know what's going on. This is my last semester EVER and I can't seem to drag myself through it. I've been miserable for most of this degree and I just want it over and behind me and I just can't get up the energy to do this anymore. I'm a terrible student. My grades are average at best. I can barely get myself to attend classes and when I do I'm counting down the minutes until I can leave. I don't put nearly as much effort into school as my classmates. I don't feel like I deserve to graduate with them at all.

[eskielover]

Is this a sabotage?.....sometimes it's something we do to ourselves just before we would succeed at something. Sounds like you aren't really interested in the degree you are getting?

Interesting because when I graduated with my BS degree, I had interviewed on campus & had my career all lined up & had my job set for right after graduating. It was a very exciting time for me especially since just 10 months before, I had our daughter & promised myself then that NOTHING would get in my way of graduating.

Sounds like you are only half heartedly into what you are going to school for. Is there any thing that you can do, find some objective that you can aim for after graduation that can give you the drive to get through & maybe some real reason for your achievment.

[turquoisesea]

I was going to say something similar to what eskie said. It's something my mom told me once, when she was talking about a friend of mine. My mom... well that's a seperate story but I do believe she had a point.

She said, that sometimes when you're at the end of something, especially something like a college degree, you start to get SUPER afraid sometimes without realizing it. Because there's a huge unknown world around the corner and you don't know what to do. To the point that in some ways you can be AFRAID of success itself.

I know you have issues with your major AND what to do after. And you don't enjoy. These are hurdles, tough hurdles.

But you are so close. Even though it may not feel like it (probably feels like it's even farther away)...
you'll have scary choices but also MANY more options so keep faith!

thinking of you

[googley]

(((((((((justfloating))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you are feeling down again. Just because you missed classes already, doesn't mean that you are destined to continue missing classes this semester. So your grades might not be the best, but you are graduating!! With a degree!! It is really true that if you aren't going on to graduate school, your grades don't matter after you graduate. All the employers and everyone else is going to see is the diploma. You can do this.

[justfloating]

I think to a certain degree I am self-sabotaging. I think I've done that to myself in one way or another most of my life and I've never really figured out why. I guess no matter what I do or achieve, I can't believe I'm ever worthy of my accomplishments. Right now my parents are busy planning for my graduation, which I've already told them I don't have any particular desire to go to. If I do go, fine. But if I don't go, it's not going to be the end of the world. I just want to finish this degree and put it behind me. Not to mention that for my parents to come over to Scotland for a week in June would be incredibly costly and/or inconvenient. I have three younger siblings, and they can either come along (which will cost even more) or my parents will have to figure out what to do with them for a week and at the moment all of our relatives are dealing with their own stuff so it'd be really difficult to get them to take on the kids as well. Anyway I ESPECIALLY don't want my parents going through any kind of difficulty for my graduation and I've told them that, but my father especially is determined to go, so I've given up arguing. I do get it. He's proud -- they both are. I'm going to be the first person on either side of my family to graduate from university EVER. That's a really big deal and I understand why they're so excited about it. I just feel like a fraud somehow. I'm not trying as hard as I should be, not doing nearly as well as they think, and every time I think of how proud they are it makes me sick to my stomach. And then I go and do something like sleep for three days straight instead of going to my classes and it only reinforces how unworthy of their pride I am in the first place. It all makes me feel like my life is a complete sham.

[googley]

(((((((((((JustFloating)))))))))))

Can you see the trip your parents are making as a gift you are giving to them? That you are allowing them to celebrate how they want to.

You aren't a sham. You are going to graduate. That is great.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( justfloating )))))))))))))))

Hello, Rebecca. Have you listened to this presentation by Dr. Brown?

[Seekingtlc]

Im right there with you. Ive crashed myself lately. Dont have much advice because Im feeling the same way....

Tina

[turquoisesea]

I can't believe I'm ever worthy of my accomplishments.

This seems to be the root of everything yes?

You give many reasons: not working hard enough, not doing X, should do X. Where are these ideas coming from. Why so hard on yourself?

You matter and are worthy ((((justfloating)))

[online user]

It's enough to tell your parents you'll be fine if they don't come for graduation. But then let them decide if they want to come--they may wish to be there, for themselves, to revel in your success and share it with you. As you have noticed, it's very special for them, to see what you are accomplishing. Let how to accomplish what they wish be their worry. You might just focus on yourself, and what you need to do to pass your final courses. As someone said, grades aren't all that important at this point. Worry about what you can control--yourself and the tasks you need to do to finish--and try not to think about the things you can't. Like how your parents can achieve their goals. Take care of you, for you!