invisable

Thank you MP AND JMO

Sleeps, past odds don't always reflect future performance.

It is depression making you feel this way. You don't know what people think of you after they leave your presence, depression makes you assume the worst.

But I'm not sure I'm the best to be speaking on this... because in regard to the "doing things but not getting anything in return" I speak of this often and it is how I feel both in and out of depression. Within depression it makes that fact hurt much much more. But it saddens me even when I am feeling well.

When I am well I realize that my friends love me and care about me... but they all have a "number 1" in their lives that they go above and beyond for, and that's about their limit. Somehow you and I never managed to become "number 1" on anyone's list while we were out treating people like our own number 1. In my case I blame myself for not pursuing my life a little more practically in the past and looking our for myself more. These days at times I am in bed or watching TV and just wishing really really hard that I had someone here to cuddle me and hold me, or let me hold them... there is no one in my life like that. Let alone someone I can rely on to help me out with possibly loosing my house, lack of transportation, etc. Even friends I have loaned large sums of money to (who were supposed to pay me back ages ago) can't come through for me now. If two people who owed me money could pay me back in full (probably an impractical hope) I would be well well out of this financial hole I am in.

DEXTER Exactly BINGO.....I know I am liked and loved you put this very well....but yes I am never number 1 ...There isn't a person I met in person who would have much negative to say about me ..in fact I AM well liked even where I seldom go but never as a NUMBER 1 I can need food or a talk and if someone else does THEY ring in first..I once had my BEST friend tell me the ONLY time I ever asked for a loan she had a dinningroom set in lay a way and really wanted it..I had made it clear it was for electric and short term..(well man I hate to cut into the ole dinningroom fund)...but I got the ole I WISH I COULD HELP YET not long after she met a dude and had cash to give him till he dumped her...I have a million of them but ....even with guys I have been involved with TIME wise I came in after work and all......YOU GET IT
And yes I am aware of this depressed or not

Ya know I pretty well gave up on counting in anyone's life but I would love to not be so dirt poor while I don't matter

(((((((((((((((((((((Sleeps)))))))))))))))))))))))

((( FuzzyBear ))) Youre so sweet thank you I needed that about now

So this A.M I woke and could not sleep..I am not sure why..pain or cause mind working overtime on stupid things...but I could not sleep...So I took another sleeping pill..then another half....a bit later another half..then some codine pain meds...then another half of sleeping pill and 2 valium..I finally went to sleep...right before I did I got kinda crazy..then I thought I may OD on this crap...then I don't care..and bam I was to sleep ...but only slept 6 hrs. You'd think with all that I would sleep longer...oh well..just wanted to say that all out loud

SWB,
You wrote,[...could not sleep...pain...mind working overtime...took another sleeping pill...then another half...later another half...2 Valium...right before...kind of crazy...I may OD on this (expletive)...].
There is a continuing body of research that shows that the drugs that you are taking have the potential for adverse effects upon the user that are consistant with what you are describing in your posts here. The amount of the benzodiazepines that you list that you took could be precipitating what you are describing as to what you are writing about here.
I was wondering if your treating psychiatrist, or doctor, or other mental-health practitioner, is advocating that you take the amount of drugs that you list here. I could offer you support from my perspective if you would like, but if my support to you would be to ask you to find out if the drugs that you are taking are causing the problems that you describe, could you consider my perspective along with other's perspectives?
Lou

Hey Lou thanks for the support and for coming into my thread..I will consider all perspectives but that doesnt mean I will agree just consider them. I am pretty open minded. I know my doctor would smack me one for kicking up my dose at night of the sleep meds and taking someone else's meds with it..so no my doc does not know I did that. I do not do that but once in a great while. This time was the most meds ever. I think most people would not have survived the doses I took the other night..I just wanted to sleep. YES of course I will consider what you have to say..Thank you

SWB,
You wrote,[....Lou thanks for the support...I will consider all perspectives.....I am ...opened minded...taking someone elses' meds...my doc does not know...most people would not have survived the doses I took....I will consider what you... say.. Thank you...].
I am pleased that you are thankful for me posting support from my perspective.
Lou

I value you Lou and that includes your thoughts and perspective

SWB,
You wrote,[..I value you Lou...].
It is not very often that I receive a message that someone values me. I appreciate that.
Lou.

Lou I wish more people would speak their minds I bet many value you and I am sorry you don't hear it more...but glad that you hear it today

HUGS

SWB,
You wrote,[...I wish more people would speak their minds...]
I am a champion for Freedon of Speech. Without freedom of speech, do you not have fascism?
Lou

I totally agree Lou. Freedom of speech is vital IMO

SWB,
You wrote,[...I..agree Lou...Freedom of speech is vital..]
Freedom of speech was the first amendment that Jefferson made to the United States Constitution. He saw that without it, that there could be a tyrannical leadership that could suppress the people by not allowing them to speak to the government. Then only what pleased the government leaders could be spoken in the community. Fascism allows only the speech that is approved by the leader. Moussillini, Hitler, Saddam, Stalin and others censored speech and the people were kept in the dark because they could only hear what they wanted the people to hear. Jefferson saw ahead to that kind of community and saw that it was not in the best interests in the pursuit of Life Liberty and The Pursuit of Happiness and he established the doctrine of freedom of speech that has been a model by the rest of the free world. Jefferson knew that without freedom of speech, then one man could rule and dictate his thinking upon all others.
I am glad that you consider Freedom Of Speech {vital}. I believe that it is also vital and a sound mental-health principle to foster in a community.
Lou

Lou when I was able to I was a card carry member of the ACLU..I do NOT agree with everything they do but strongly agree with the right to free speech for anyone even if I don't like what they have to say....so many rights I stand for.