Is life worth it anymore?

Miss Laura · Mar 05, 2011, 06:29 AM

Managed to get up and out the house for 930am

Organised stuff for tonight for my Brother's party. Just waiting on food cooking then heading back to my Brother's house to decorate then I will be back home. Feeling sooooooo much better today

Joy1010 · Mar 05, 2011, 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Thanks Joy1010,

I know as a Mother you probably side with my Mum on the whole staying in bed scenario. I think I have referred to her and I's relationship being "stormy" in a post to you. I am no angel and have never proclaimed to be. We rub eachother up the wrong way ALL the time.

Laura - I can understand why your mum may not like you in bed all the time... I once felt like that before I realized my daughter had an illness. Now, she doesn't live with me, but if she did, and that happened still, I think I would have to accept that wanting to stay in bed and withdraw is part of the depression cycle. I don't agree with telling her 'to cheer up" because I don't beleve it is as easy as that.

Wednesday afternoon when I came home from my meeting all I wanted was my Mum to come over and hug me. She never did. I do not like physical contact and this is prob the reason.

This made me think of how many times did my daughter just want a hug? Thank you for the insight. (see you are even helping me now while you are in a low spot yourself)

Thursday evening my friend gave me a card and on the front cover it says "This is a hug...." and shows a bear holding his arms out for hugging. Inside says "It's here when you need it" and she wrote "To Laura, just to let you know that whatever happens we all love you! Remember you are amazing and sometimes I think we forget to tell you just how great a friend you are, this is to remind you! Lots of Hugs(even though you will not readily accept them, haha!!) Katriona xxx p.s. your beautiful when you smile "

What a beautiful thing to do Glad that had a positive impact on you!

I cried and still am reading it. I texted her and said I will cherish it and that I will put it in with my mood diary so if I need a hug I can get it there.

I don't know why I can't take physical contact from someone but can take a massage.... I am a freak see!!! Not a freak,, everyone is different... we are all unique

Joy, I hope as a Mother you can see being here isn't easy no matter what and who you are. I want my Mum to just hug me, but I don't want to ask for it. She asks me if I am ok and I always reply "Ye fine" as what's the point... I get lectured on "cheering" up and getting on with my life. You are right, this is not easy. I guess that's why we are all here supporting each other. Last night my daughter came to visit... quite late at night... she was quite agitated and irritable so mostly I just listened to her.... she went outside for a smoke and was out there a while, so I thought she wanted time alone.. I was getting tired.. it was after midnight and I'd had a long day at work... so I went to bed. When she came back in, she was annoyed that we went to bed. She left at about 1am to 'walk" back home - which is not terribly far, but far enough .... maybe a 20 minute walk if you walk fast.... when i woke up this morning the most bizarre thing - she had re-arranged all the things that were on tables -- and put them neatly on the floor -- she did this in two rooms of the house... i didn't get the impression she was throwing things around in anger... it was more like 'she didn't want them elevated on tables or counters... so placed them neatly on the floor'.. have you ever heard of anything like that???

Sorry this kinda sounds like a rant and it's not meant to be!!

Rant away!! I seem to be doing the same

I am just trying to understand her and her illness as best I can so I can help her and learn how to interact better with her. I believe she was up all night on her computer at home. Is the irritability/anger/unable to sleep mean a manic stage is comng/ is here?

Back to you -- I hope you start to feel better soon - you have been so helpful and try to learn things from you!!

Miss Laura · Mar 05, 2011, 01:43 PM

Hey Joy, for me mania is here if I am up all night and not sleeping and on my computer. The worst invention btw as its so addictive. I can't lexture anyone as I always do it lol
I hope ur daughter will be ok!

I am better today, just away to head to my Bro's for his party, tonight I might have a sneaky drink lol

Maria38Divine · Mar 06, 2011, 02:28 PM

Miss Laura, do I hear a certain "lightness" in your tone?

I hope today is even a little better than yesterday. I identify with so many things you have said in your posts, because I do feel like you a lot of times. BUT I have taken the stance that if I'm awake then I might as well do something other than veg out on a bed. Keep moving, so you don't rust

. What's the point? I don't know, but at some stage in our lives I hope the page will turn and we'll find out.

Miss Laura · Mar 06, 2011, 05:08 PM

Hey Joy,

Sorry I forgot to proper reply to your post above, I was replying via my phone yesterday.

Do you think my Mum hasn't accepted I am not well when she moans at me about staying in bed? I mean she moans all the time when I am depressed in bed. I know I should get up and about I know that, but I really can't especially at the moment.

Joy, maybe your Daughter needed you to come out and see her? I might be wrong, but maybe she was wanting some kind of emotional support.... can you ask her about the other night? That's strange she moved things and put them on the floor. I have never heard about people doing that though... sorry!! I would ask her about that night and if she would like to talk about what happened.

Hey Maria38Divine,

I am feeling so much better, I am still depressed and I know I will probably have depressive symptoms for a wee while but I am not as bad as I have been this week

I have actually kinda trashed my bedroom so I have a LOT of cleaning to do.... I deliberately did it so I have things to do next week so I can not just lie here in bed. Even if I am still in PJ's or comfy clothes I am out of my bed. I hope I can carry on with tasks. I just feel really drained now.... like all my energy has been sucked out of me!!

Miss Laura · Mar 09, 2011, 12:55 AM

Hey Mamaleo9987, I am so sorry I forgot to reply to your comment.

My work needed to know as I work with men who all have Autism and I am a key worker for 1 of their teams. Ironically 1 of the guys we support has Biploar Type 1 which is the one I have... but he also has other disabilities too. However we are not Bipolar trained at work. This is a reason in itself as staff and I am meaning my line manager would need to be Bipolar trained... I have this bit in writing this is according to my Area Manager. They are trying to say I can't do my line of work cause of my illness as its unpredictable as is my job. My guys also all have learning disabilities and challenging behaviour. She thinks I will not be able to cope with the "demands" I have been working there for 3 years btw!! I am taking them to my Union on Thursday as unfair treatment. They are saying they can dismiss me over being off sick due to my undiagnoisis of Bipolar and or my abscences alone. I was off for quite a long time last year however half of it was due to my work refusing to let me back until they got reports from my GP.

I have;

Given permission for them to contact both my GP and my Psych

Taken extra time off cause they didn't have the "resources" to help me in work

Seen a Counsellor connected to my work

Lowered my hours and then built them up to my full 30 hours

Changed who I worked with and received attacks from the guy and never complained despite them being vicious attacks which were aimed at a colleague whom I had stepped inbetween to stop colleague being injured

Complied with the "special leave" that I am currently on

Attended meetings with them

They are using Bipolar and my abscenses against me and it's not fair as prior to my time off I had perfect attendance and I worked my *** off. If they had listened to me in Oct-Nov 2009 I don't think I would of had so many sick days in 2010 but they didn't and this is why I am being penialised.

I just hope the Union guy can give me some glimmer of hope.... I am doubtful though

Apologises for not replying to your post, your's was the one that got away

Thank you for takign the time to read and reply

Joy1010 · Mar 10, 2011, 01:07 AM

[quote=Miss Laura;1742011]Hey Joy,

Do you think my Mum hasn't accepted I am not well when she moans at me about staying in bed? I mean she moans all the time when I am depressed in bed. I know I should get up and about I know that, but I really can't especially at the moment.

Hmmm. I don't know... I guess it's possible she's in denial... or maybe she does accept the fact you have an illness but doesn't fully understand the cycles and how it affects you?

Menu

Is life worth it anymore?

My Support Forums