[AvidReader]

I feel like I have absolutely no options left. I took various depression meds for more than 10 years, and none of them helped. I've been off meds for a year now. I've been to half a dozen shrinks and therapists (we've moved a lot); the last therapy ended in disaster and I canceled all remaining sessions. I have nobody to talk to -- my husband is so fed up with me he talks to me with either indifference or contempt. He NEVER talks about what he's feeling, leaving me to only assume, and I can only infer from his attitude that he is sick of me. I'm too afraid to try suicide because the attempt might fail and I'll end up physically worse than before. My sister does not want to hear that anything is wrong. My kids are too young to vent to. My father, who was an a--hole alcoholic during my entire childhood, has never been and never will be a source of any sort of emotional support (indeed, even speaking to him sends me into a depressive tailspin).

I'm in a pretty small city, and there are really no feasible options for a different shrink, plus I refuse to try meds and therapy again. I've been hospitalized twice, and both times were a joke, no help at all.

I work on a freelance basis and right now have no work coming in; most of the stuff is being sent overseas. Work's been harder and harder to get. I feel like I have no value to my husband unless I have some money coming in, and the lack of work has made things a lot worse lately.

At what point does a person just give up?

[T-bone 6074]

Hello AvidReader,

I'm really sorry to hear about your long-term depression. I have been depressed and on medication and seeing a therapist for about one year now. Like you, they have tried me on all types of medication. Nothing seems to work. I too have contemplated suicide. I am suffering from a neuromuscular disease which has confined me to wheelchair. There's no way in the world that I could commit suicide as I don't have the ability to reach for a gun, overdose on medication, etc., And no one in their right mind will help me.

I'm sorry that your husband does not understand. I am very fortunate that my wife has stood by me, although at times she gets a little frustrated with me. I'm not sure where this depression comes from. People that do not suffer from depression are very likely not to understand what we go through. Depression to me is like being in a black hole that you can't get out of, or a nightmare that you just can't wake up from.

I try to remember what it felt like not to be depressed. I know when I wasn't depressed I really did enjoy life.

I see that you have not been a member too long now, since February 2011. I think you'll find that people in this community are really very helpful. Each one has different points of view that may help you on your journey. They say that God has a plan for each of us, however, it may sometimes be very difficult to figure out what that plan is.

I wish you all the best on your journey through life. Perhaps we'll chat again.

Hello, AvidReader.

Self-Help Ideas and Goal Setting forum: http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=37
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_d...id=9646&cn=353

[AvidReader]

Many thanks, T-bone 6074 and The Byzantine, for your replies. The members here do indeed seem like a kind, wise, and helpful group.

Perhaps I'm not giving my husband enough credit. I'm sure it's been hell for him for the last 10 to 12 years. I suppose he rightfully could have bailed out years ago. (Ironically, he's from NJ too, T-bone, although now we live several states away.)

Thanks to all for letting me rant....It's hard to keep this stuff in all the time.