[one_more_chance]

Hey all,
Brand new to this...just looking for a little help.
I've been struggling with serious depression (suicidal thoughts at least weekly) coupled with "severe anxiety" for over a year now. I've tried many different anti-depressants as well as three different therapists.

I have taken a semester off of school (college) because my depression has interfered with my ability to function well at school. I left behind an RA position and good friends, and my sanctuary away from my family. I cannot seem to get a job, and I am drifting aimlessly.
I met a fantastic man a bit over a month ago, but the past week has been very rough between us, and I feel like it is my fault.

I haven't seen a therapist since November because I cannot afford it.

In addition to these issues, I have had recurring gastrointestinal problems, which make it difficult to eat or be comfortable in any way. It's getting to the point where I just want to take massive amounts of painkillers or sleeping pills so I can pass out and get away from the pain of my stomach.

Lately, my suicidal feelings have not been due to pain, but due to a complete lack of motivation for life. I don't want to live because I feel that I have nothing to live for. I talk myself out of it because I don't want to cause other people in my life pain...mainly my best friend and boyfriend. However, it gets increasingly difficult...I feel as though I cannot discuss my problems with them because I don't want to add additional stress to their lives.

I am simply seeking help. Opinions. Someone to talk to. I have no money for a therapist and I'm running out of medicine.

This is my one more chance.
Thank you.

[Crew]

I'm sorry you are feeling devoid. I'm Crew nice to meet you...!

It is so important to read and reread the guidelines to PsychCentral and then the guidelines for chat. I only say this because talking about suicide isn't allowed mainly because there isn't anyone that could help you out in a situation and if your feeling suicidal, try calling your therapist and/or call 911.
Yes, it's all over-whelming and because of this that is why reading all the guidelines would be great start.
There are forums for depression and relationships... give yourself some time and read and post if your up to it. I give you the best of luck in healing
and to PsychCentral one-more-chance. Crew

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, One_more_chance! I'm concerned about your stomach problem. Is it at all possible for you to be seen by a doctor or even a gastroenterologist? Depression and anxiety are bad enough; add in physical distress and...you already know it.

Please keep posting.

[(JD)]

You've come to a good place in your life... by coming here. There are plenty of people to talk with, and many who will encourage you and give you support to help you realize your life has worth...you have worth.

Depression lies. It tells you lies, so it's best to put off such a major decision (like ending your life) if you can't think more clearly.

Tomorrow is another day, and another chance to make a change for the better. Small steps. Maybe you've taken on too much lately... things that are stressful (like college and a new relationship?) Time to focus on you

In the USA there are resources for free or sliding scale help... even talking with the social worker at the hospital ER is free, and she/he will have a listing of such local resources. There is often free counseling available through non-profit organizations. Maybe your MD will see you from time to time too?

Eating well and getting restorative sleep are things you can work on for now, and are very important to helping your mental health as well as physical.

Don't give up now...you just found PC!

[Can't Stop Crying]

Hang in there! We are all here to support you and welcome to PC

[madisgram]

hi chance. welcome to pc. i'm glad you found us. you will find great support here so post as often as you need to to get these feelings out. depression is very difficult. i have it too. lots of wise replies for you at this thread. try to exercise some even if just brisk walking. it will help your depression. depression does lie. it causes us to feel doom and gloom, numb, and with no hope. there is a rainbow at the other end. can you see your doc to talk about this with? it does sound like anti-depressants would help. and discuss your sui...thoughts too. don't be discouraged. every one of us had to try some until we found the one that works for us. it will lessen your anxiety too. please try to see your doc about your gastrointestimal problems too.
as for sui...you can call a crisis hotline. they can help and refer you too. just hang in there. help is on it's way.

[Ambiguous]

(excuse my spelling it's part of my charm)

I am famiulre with the isolation, the lack of funds to seek help, and I have also voluntered on boards in the past to help others with serious depression issues.
I am not perfect by any means but I can be an ear if you need one.

you wrote,
"In addition to these issues, I have had recurring gastrointestinal problems, which make it difficult to eat or be comfortable in any way. It's getting to the point where I just want to take massive amounts of painkillers or sleeping pills so I can pass out and get away from the pain of my stomach."

It is my understanding,... not being a professional of course, that certain types of medications can induce some of the other issues that you are experienceing. I am not advising that you stop taking your med's and from they way you are decribe things, you need the releif. You might want to read the side effects on the med's however to get a more compleate view as to why you may be feeling the things you are feeling. Sometimes just knowing gives the clarity to see farther.

I am experiencing some of the same road blocks that you are, so if we search together we just might make some head way. Just a thought. Don't worry about adding stress, I was born into a life that demands that I deal with it daily, so I can handel a great deal more than most people. That is not a bragging point it is just the way things are. I will let you know up front tho, that when it comes to the "S" word I am not a profesional and have refured people to conciling when I can't be a bennifit. I say we start moving forward into the world.

Here if you need me,
Ambiguos

[Patriciann]

You are cared about and not alone. For me depression sometimes feels like a very heavy weight trying to press the life right out of me. Be very gentle with yourself and through reaching out and not feeling alone you will begin to see answers and ways to help yourself cope. Take it one step at a time and know you are cared about and not alone. (()) Patricia