[Overcastbutclearing]

Grouch Day 2005 is officially over.
Permits have been terminated.
But...I am still grouchy...so now what?
In fact, I think life sucks today.
I am angry with myself. No...I hate myself. My issues seem to never get resolved. I am a f**king disgusting human and only death is my friend!
I hate that I cannot just talk with my T. That I close down in session and that I have all these thoughts with no outlet.
I hate myself for being a worthless human who has no potential and who feels numb most of the time.

[petra]

hi. i can relate to what you are saying. I feel like that most of the time. it's hard to talk, period. therapist or no therapist. when you are depressed, your brain fogs up and you can't really articulate what's going on, much less find the source and implement the coping skills necessary to deal with depression. I freeze up in therapy a lot. I think of all this stuff i want to talk about beforehand, and when i get there i go blank. making a short list helps. start with ten items and narrow it down to two or three. try not to beat yourself up. try to relax and trust that your t is there for you and will not judge you. there is no right or wrong in therapy. sometimes just knowing you made it to the office is good enough.
when you feel so bad, you might want to think about getting out of the house. that can be extremely difficult but it can change your perspective. go to walgreens or take a walk, just stand outside and look at the sky. tell yourself you are doing the best you can right now. you are not alone even tho it might feel that way. with love, petra

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((Susan Jane)))))))))))))))




i missed grouch day

[Overcastbutclearing]

I am very weak today. I hate the Holidays but I want everyone around me to enjoy theirs so I am pretending to not feel any type of bad feelings.
I internalize everything. And, I can so easily store things away in a little pocket and completely ignore my major issues.
I guess I am just fooling myself somehow.
I don't want to disappoint my wife or my T. And , I don't want to be constantly worried about so I am trying to show them I can handle things better.
But, I cannot say it is truth that I am not wishing to be dead.
I am just an ugly, ugly little girl who has a lost soul and a burdened heart that is shattered in so many pieces that it has been declared dead!

[Lou_Pilder]

sj0401,
You wrote,[...stil..so what now?...life (expletive) today....am angry with myself....issues ..never..resolved....I am (expletive) disgusting human...only death is my friend....I hate....being a worthless human...no potential...feels numb...].
I could offer you support from my perspective if you would like.
Lou

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((((((Susan)))))))))))))))))))))

Hang in there. Good days are ahead of you. I promise.


Huggles,

Jen

[(JD)]

sigh. ((((((sj))))))) Because this is the life you have...and it's the act of living that is your purpose in life? My T says that it is when I feel I am pretending that THAT is reality..and depression makes us think it is the "norm"..... I'm there with ya, though. Sorry for that.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

Hi I am sorry I do have a suggestion..can you get or do you have a small recorder machine...then you could TAPE all you wish to say to T and play it at your sessions..thus you can then not shut down and have a way to share those thoughts and feelings