Just need to vent

I just wanted to say that last night was very bad for me. I wanted to cry my body ached all over and the noise around me was driving me mad. I feel it was a major depression. I just thought if I could get somewhere totally quiet and alone and dark, but comfortable and just be; maybe I could just go to sleep and wake up feeling better. I've be diag. with bipolar and ADD, but I've felt just about every mental emotion there is: anxiety, social anxiety, phobias, ADD, depression, chronic fatigue, mania (which I really like because I can accomplish so much; as long as it doesn't get me into trouble), OCD, Starving to be thin, you know the perfect thing(Everything I do has to be perfect and any less is failure to me). Anyway, now is the depression. I hope this is a place where I can come and vent. I'm not sure which mental board to post on. Do I post on the one that relates to what I'm feeling at the moment or the one I'm diagnosed in or what. I want to know if sometimes the outside noise gets to others-like the kids screaming, and the TV blarring, and the phone ringing, and the refrigerator running, and water dripping,. To the point that enough is enough. And how do you escape it before you start attacking everyone, yet the laundry still has to be done ,and the kids still have to be taken care of and the hubby still has to watch the game as loud as possible and whoop and holler. This is when I want to run, but I can't, and I want to cry, but I can't because my family will see me, and my hubby thinks this whole psych thing is a crock anyway ,so I have to put up this front. I usually mentally drift to some euphoria I make up so I can make it, or use earplugs or headphones. Lately nothing is working. Somebody, please respond...I've got tons of people around me, but nobody understands. Thanks!

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I relate to everything you are saying so much! Lots of diagnoses could be applied to me. Whatever test I take, most of them come back saying that I probably have that disorder. It doesn't really mean anything anymore because I guess I just relate to everything. I think it's dangerous (at least for me anyway) to get wrapped up in all those diagnoses. What it really comes down to is that we are people and something isn't working very well for us - something needs to change. I've had a little taste of mania too (I always wanted to because it sounded so much more appealing than depression) and I really didn't mind mania, although when it was over I felt so stupid about all the things I said that I thought were brilliant and the ideas I thought were so great and they weren't really.

Noise often gets to me. Sometimes I might not be very aware of it, but it builds up and eventually I blow up. It can be the T.V. and radio, the kids chattering or whining or yelling at each other, even environmental noise like the refrigerator, the heater, the pumps on the fish tanks, the fan that my husband leaves running all the time when he's home. Sometimes I don't notice until a noise stops and then I realize how tense it was making me. I'm relieved when my husband goes away on a trip because he takes his fan with him and I don't have to listen to it. The kids got a rock tumbler for christmas one year and that thing running all the time until it was done made me really crazy.

A lot of husbands aren't good at being supportive when their wives need help dealing with emotional problems. Mine is a counselor, but for a long time he wasn't supportive of me going to therapy. He said I didn't need it, and wouldn't admit that I had a problem, until I proved that I did. He vents to me all the time and I'm forced into the counselor role. If I try to talk to him about my issues it always gets turned around and winds up being about him. I do try to act like I'm okay no matter what, so I guess I can't complain about him believing the facade that I show him.

On posting here, post where you feel like what you have to say belongs. You're most likely to get helpful responses if it's relevant to that particular board because not everyone reads all the boards, so if you post where people who are concerned about that particular issue are reading, they are more likely to see your questions and respond. What you have posted so far has been appropriate. You can also read what everyone else is saying on any given board and get a feel for it, as well as get to know people better. You will find that when you get to know us we have a lot in common.

One more thing about posting - if you break up your paragraphs into smaller segments it is easier to read and people are more likely to get through it.

I hope this helps.
Wendy

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>