vent vent vent

I bet a lot of us are guilty of something like this, but it still ticks me off when I find out that someone is saying it about my kids....

"Your kids are so dysfunctional, and living with all of you is making me sick. I can't wait to get into therapy so I can be fixed."

My daughter's been on the receiving end of "Wendy is mad at me now" (after Wendy was having a temper tantrum about my daughter not working on her homework fast enough), being blamed for making another person mentally ill, not being as good in school as the live-in g/f's son, lazy, dysfunctional, who knows what else. She's been told that her her self esteem is so low becayse her grades are so bad. Gee, ever stop to think it might be the other way around? B***h.

What is wrong with people that they think ridiculing and blaming is the way to get someone to improve?

I read a really good proverb about this recently ... let me see if I can find it.

and she's outta there ... I give it 3 more months...

Can't find it but it's something along the lines of:

"If you blame others, there is no end to blame"

I feel AWFUL for your kids, but the person who's really miserable in this situation sounds like the stepgirlfriend herself.

Your ex is going to get sick of this. Tell your kids to hang in there -- it's just a matter of time...

Excellent proverb.

In the span of 10 months she goes from saying I have two wonderful kids to saying they're dysfunctional and making her mentally ill. Ugh!

The biggest blow ups at his place are after my ex and I actually have a calm, functional, productive discussion about any problems the kids are having and we brainstorm on a possible solution that DOESN'T revolve around coming down harder on the kids than the problem calls for.

T says I shouldn't care AT ALL what my ex thinks. OK, fine, but when our kids are struggling and it involves both households, doesn't it make sense to try and come to a workable solution for the majority involved?

i say we take her out back... he he he i am only kidding. she is looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship, at least that is what it sounds like to me

LOL She's a big, tough girl. I'm too much of a sissy to bring her down.

My daughter told me all about the fight. She text messaged me at 11:30 Friday night saying she wanted to die and that she's a failure and everything is her fault. The ex told the g/f that she could "just f'ing leave" but she said she didn't want to leave.

And the KIDS are dysfunctional? Oh brother.

I want to be able to protect my kids, but I don't want to know about stuff like this because I can't do much about it except offer extra support for the kids. I can't say anything to him, because then I'm just being spiteful and *****y and jealous.

I hate being in the middle.

I'm still annoyed at your T...

but then again, my saying so puts you in the middle again. doh!

Actually, I think the less you get involved with T/W, the more your kids will want to hang out with you instead of them. All the better if they don't associate you with her. You're the safe haven from all of that.

Have I ever told you that I think you're the most awesome mom?

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LMo said:Have I ever told you that I think you're the most awesome mom?

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I think you might have said that a few times, yes.

ooooh, I'd be bitter too. I don't blame you one bit. I always tell my husband it's one thing when someone messes with me......it's a whole new thing when someone messes with my kids. That would cause a huge problem.

I wouldn't stand for that. I'd ensure your children of the truth, and be sure to add that the person who is talking that crazy %&8#, is full of it.

Desirae

I should just bite my fingers and not say anything.

Daughter IMs me. She spends one night a week at her dad's now, Wednesday. What does she get to do tonight? Sit in on a family discussion of the girlfriend's "rage and anger" on Friday night.

Great. Another night of tears and screaming and slamming doors (on the g/f's part) so the kids are upset and can't do homework and can't sleep calmly. Just great.

Why do they have to put up with this? Why? When they don't have to.

Argh!

Hard to say what to do. If you call Tony, then your daughter might catch it from him for narcing.

I say to wait until the weekend, and then email him something along the lines of how it's really important that she have a calm environment during the week, and that "family meetings" to discuss arguments etc need to wait until the weekend when she doesn't have school the next morning. It's only fair.

I really can't believe he has the nerve to give YOU a hard time when stuff like this happens at his house.

I can't blame Tony for this one tonight. The g/f sprung it on them when she got home from work. She told the kids that when Tony got home from being out of state all day for work that they were going to have this meeting. I'm sure he's not looking forward to it either, after having sat in a car for the last three hours. He probably just wants to have dinner and a beer and help Alex with her Algebra like he already told her he'd do.

tick... tick... tick... I give it 3 months, max...

Seems when the x remarried he married a real nut. She was calling up the x's family members (disguising her voice) and telling them their hubby was having affairs.. .. Anyway the x started to get worried she'd do something to our son.. So he told our son to never go anywhere alone with her...

I happened to be at the gas station the x owned and she was sitting behind the counter . I bought some gum and looked her right in the eyes, and told her "if you ever mess with my son or hurt him in any way, I will tear your heart out with my hands". Her mouth dropped open and out of the corner of my eye I saw the x grinning..... I am not a figher at all, but I tell you if anyone hurts my son, God only knows what I'd do..

Guess I didn't have to worry too long because they ended up divorcing a year later...

Ugh ugh ugh. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. The g/f sounds like a real tool.

You sound like a very caring and supportive mother.

((((wi-fighter)))

gg

on a superficial level I can't help thinking it is.

The g/f is saying that she has these rage and anger attacks because the kids don't show their dad enough respect. She said she knows she has to learn to deal with that on her own and is looking forward to therapy.

So, why wasn't it OK with the ex for me to go to counseling when I was struggling, but it's OK for the g/f to go now? Maybe because he was afraid I only wanted to go to counseling to get strong enough to leave him or something. I don't know.

I know it doesn't say anything about me. It says something about him. But I can't help feeling that if I was somehow "better" in some way, counseling for me would have been OK in his mind.

it also might have been that you "broke him in" with regard to counselling. It's like how the oldest kid was the badass that always shocked the parents, but by the time the youngest hits his/her teens, the parents are used to what was previously "bad" behavior and lets the kid do whatever he/she wants.

The g/f might also be better at blaming him than you were. You suffered from 18+ years of him chipping away at your self-esteem. He hasn't done as much damage to hers in the mere 2 years that they have been together.

That would be my guess, anyway...