[justempty]

I shared my situation in the New Member Introduction area a while back. My hubby died of cancer in Feb. and I am at a loss. I thought I was starting to do better, but this evening, I feel myself spiraling downward into a dark depression, and it's scaring me. People, he loved me, always put my happiness before his, thought I was beautiful, was my companion in everything. The loss is hitting me hard tonight. How am I going to live the rest of my life without his love? I'm so lonely without him. I don't think I'll ever find again what I had with him. I just have a lonely life stretching before me, and I don't even see the point in living it. I'm afraid.

Thanks for listening. I guess I just need a place to put what I'm feeling into words and maybe get some feedback.

[lynn P.]

(((justempty)) - I'm so sorry for the deep loss of your husband. You're lucky to have felt so loved and cared for, but this makes the loss all that more significant doesn't it? How long were you married? Since this just happened in February the loss is still so intense so please be patient with yourself.

Do you have a therapist or a counselor to help you through the grieving process? When I was a 2 yr old child my mom lost my dad when he was only 34 to stomach cancer. She was a devastated young widow of 5 children and she had a very hard time. All I can say is, try to think your husband wouldn't want you to grieve for too long or to stop living. Maybe you can pick up a new hobby or volunteer for hospice. Sending you warm hugs and hope for a better days ahead.

[SlatkaMala]

I'm so sorry that you lost your husband. February is not a long time ago. The wounds are still very, very fresh. Grief counselor would be a good place to start. Some funeral homes have references to these services.

[justempty]

Thank you, both of you, for caring enough to reply. We were married for 8 1/2 years. I have not been to see a grief counselor yet. I guess I'm not sure they'd be able to help. I feel I need to refill the huge, empty hole in my life that he left when he died. I still just can't believe he actually did die. He was diagnosed in 2008, so I guess it got to where it seemed he'd never actually die, but that the doctors would keep finding new things to try for him. So it was such a shock in November when his doctor called my cell phone and told me there was nothing else they could do for him and that he recommended hospice. It was just one in a long series of shocks you get when you find out someone you love has cancer.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling. Do you have other people in your life that you are close to that you could spend some time with so you don't have to be alone with this?
I also think volunteering somewhere is a great idea. And maybe try to find a grief support group in your area?
Post as much as you need to, let those feelings out, even if you just need to say how much you miss him, there are a lot of people here who understand!

[online user]

So sorry for your loss. Your husband would want you to live on, and enjoy your memories of him. When you are feeling better, you might remember some of those in a journal, ao you don't lose them. Do you have children? Recording things he said about them or how he felt about them would be very important to them later on.

Sending you hugs.