My fresh experience with Wellbutrin

Ok, how does one start a story of the last three days of their life flashing before their eyes and falling to the ground in a flaming pile of rubble?

I suppose the intro pretty much tells you how my first days on Wellbutrin have been. I've been trying to get help and my doc said that because of how much of my anxiety can be blamed from stresses in my life, he would rather put me on an antidepressant that has some ability to curb the anxiety attacks that I've been having. At first, I was hesitant, thinking that an antidepressant would be bad news for me.

Let me rewind a bit. I've been depressed since I was 14 years old. I've been on Paxil, I've been on Prozac. Niether of them did anything for me, in fact the latter making me so apathetic that I had been on the verge of giving up entirely several times. My desire to not be on a medication closely related to either of them seems pretty clear.

Back to Thursday. Paying for my medications out of pocket wasn't fun, but I called my doc back and he gave me the idea of going to one of the cheaper locations next time, hopefully that will help at least a little with costs on my end of the planet. Sitting witht he bottle in front of me, nervously twiddling it between my fingers I have a panic attack. Settling my breathing, I put the bottle of pills into my bag, thinking about how I feel about starting them on the next day, which ironically was my birthday.

I took the first pill and later in the day had noticed a bit more energy. Probably not becaue it was my day off, along with the fact that I got up at 7:15 in the morning to get up to see the new Harry Potter movie, I would have usually been a wreck to say the least. I'm not what you would call a morning person, but I was able to get up and be active no problem. After a frustrating rest of the day, I end up in a fight with my now ex girlfriend, who'se birthday was that day as well. We didn't see each other and I was frustrated. Moreso than I usually would have been, which was strange. Shrugging it off after apologizing, I made my way to bed and only got about 5 hours of sleep.

Wide awake at 7:30 in the morning again I make a vain attempt to roll over and fall back asleep. Unfortunatley it's not working all that well so I roll out of bed, get up, do my morning thing. The ex is staying at the house I'm in currently, which made things akward in the morning to say the least. She wants to be friends, I still love her. It's a hard place to be right now, and one of the main reasons for my anxiety. She leaves, telling me that we are going to see a movie later probably. I'm supposed to go to a hockey game at 7:05, but by 2pm, all the people who were going to go with me had called with excuses not to go. I'm stuck alone on the day that I'm going to celebrate my birthday and I still haven't got a call about the movie. I figure there will be no movie and carry on. By 3 i decide that I want to celebrate and call up and leave a message ont he ex's phone saying that I'd like to join their party at the Spagetti Factory. Waiting until around 7, I call again, only to hear the phone picked up and hung up. Did she do it on purpose? I find myself getting angry. I'm not an angry person, why am I having these emotions right now? I'm finally called back by a friend who takes me out for a few pints. I probably shouldn't have been drinking that night, but I needed to get my mind off things. I had all but forgotten about the Spagetti Factory and how angry I was until I got back home. Falling asleep, I'm loudly awoken 45 minutes later by the ex coming in again. I put on some clothes and walk out and try to talk to her. She apologizes for not calling me back, but the coincidence that she just hasn't called me back at all when she was the one complaining that she wants to be friends now and hang out, I'm thouroughly confused. I give up and make my way to bed.

Lying there until 5am, I finally fall asleep, only to wake at 7:30 again. I'm not pleased at this moment in time, but I find that I'm not tired. The normal just waking up tiredness is there, but none of the rest of the being groggy from only a couple hours of sleep. Taking my medication for the 3rd day, I wake the ex to tell her to have a safe trip back to school, and that I hope she has a good day with her friend. She's been awake since I showered, making a joke about how long I was in the shower. I told her I needed to wake up, it's about the only thing that works for me. I lean down to give her a hug, only to have her move her head a bit and not hug me back. I instantly feel what can only be described as a dagger in my heart. I now know I need to let go and she can come to me when she's ready to treat me like a human being again instead of some disabled puppy following her around.

Through the day I find myself at work and I'm antsy. I have been trying to find people to talk to online on my buddy lists and it seems like nobody is here. Nobody to listen to... I don't know what. Do I still talk about the ex and what happened? My justification for being upset and how much I still love her? Struggling to manage the queue at work, I get it under control, only to find boredom overwhelming, the antsy nature coming back. I search the internet for only god knows what. Nothing there. I just wish that the ex would get online so I can talk to her about what these meds are doing to me, help her understand that I don't hate her, I'm not mad at her. Bloody hell, I don't know what to do. I feel manic, but I'm unsure if it's my body fighting from lack of sleep or if it's the medicine doing it's job on my body.

People say that Wellbutrin can affect people quickly, but I've never seen an antidepressant do anything like this. The energy, I feel like I'm on type of ephedra, unable to concentrate well, but hoping that it will pass. I find myself thinking about sex a lot more over the last few days, although I'm unsure if the thoughts were spawned from seeing my ex, or if it's the "libido enhancement" that so many people talk about with Wellbutrin. I just don't know if what I'm experiencing is normal. I don't know if I can continue this and ramp up my doseage this friday if it's going to continue like this. I'm giving up for tonight. I get to go home in 30 minutes, and hope to all things holy that I can get some decent sleep tonight, I feel like a monster.

i had very similiar experiences when i started wellbutrin. i toughed it out and finally am to the point where we upped my 50 mg. my Pdoc doesn't believe in upping wellbutrin in large increments. i am so grateful that i am on it.

i hope it works out well for you and i am so sorry that you're in such pain from the breakup with your love. please hang in and post here. someone is always here to listen. xoxoxo pat

>>People say that Wellbutrin can affect people quickly,

The side effects can occur quickly but it still takes a little time for the antidepressant effects to kick in, just like most antidepressants. Wellbutrin was the first med that I found effective, I noticed after several weeks that the depression was starting to lift. The "activating" effects did occur quickly though... it keeps me awake if I take it too late in the afternoon so I have to be sure to take my dose early.

>>or if it's the "libido enhancement" that so many people talk about with Wellbutrin.

I'm not sure that Wellbutrin does that... what one of the things that makes it very different is that it doesn't have the libido supressing/sexual disfunction side effects that many other antidepressants have. When I took it all of those side effects went away. After being on other meds for so long I would say that it felt like "libido enhancement" just by comparison. I am now on something in addition to the Wellbutrin and it does have a sexual side effect, but it isn't as bad as I have been.

I say follow Fayerody's advice, stick with it until the antidepressant effects have a chance to work and see if it helps. If the effect on your sleep persists badly talk to your pdoc, same if any of the other side effects are too bothersome, effecting your work, etc. He may prescribe a sleep med to help or may want to switch you to something else.

IMO it is always the best thing to stick with a drug for awhile before ruling it out... otherwise you may miss out on something really effective for you. The exception is severe side effects which you should always report immediately to your doctor.

my MD gave me something to sleep. if i don't have that, i have a really hard time. AND if we don't sleep, then that pretty much negates whatever else we are doing. talk to your doc.

I'm going to get in touch with him in the next couple days, as having no insurance really hinders my ability to get help in a timely manner. I'm moving at the end of the month as well so a lot of my money is tied up in that as well as making sure I have money for the next month's bills because my work contract ends December 18th and I do't have a good line on a new position just yet.

Last night's sleep was of vivid dreams, bordering on nightmares. I had a bit of trouble waking from some of them because of how real they felt. People I knew being killed before my eyes was hard to deal with. I woke up early again, right around 7:30. I'm beginning to wonder if Wellbutrin ups the amount of seratonin in your body, helping move your sleep cycle to something a bit more "normal." I was quite exhausted last night by the time I could head home from work, my body shaking under the stress and tiredness. I wanted nothing more than to call Kelsey and apologize for how I had been acting, even though she knew I was so stressed out and such.

I'd like to find something to help me sleep, but I don't know if I could afford it. I'm looking into help for medication costs, as I wouldn't mind being put on something if it was going to help me and wasn't going to make as huge an impact as this months meds made on me.

I'll probably edit this a bit later to add more of what I'm feeling with today since I just took my meds (10am as I got to work) and we will see how things go from here. I'm just trying to keep my spirits high and not think about the stresses in my life right now. There is nothing I can do for Kelsey since she has pushed me away, it's time to focus on making myself better, stronger, and then maybe she will then let me return the favor of being there for her in her time of need.

My suggestion is check with your doctor on if welbutrin is right for you. welbutrin is a supressant and should not be causing more sexual activity and so on. in fact when discussing this meds before I went on it with my doctor he warned me to keep track of and effects like not wanting to eat, have sex and so on because this meds should not be prescribed for people with eating disorders or sex drive problems. and it caused both for me. My boyfriend did not appreciate my lack of interest and left when our sex life was just fine before the welbutrin and then after I had abosolutely no interest. and eating wise I loved it for I lost 50 pounds in four months. Depression wise it worked for me.

I don't have as much of a "racing" feeling through my body today, but have noticed a perk up in my energy even though I'm still not sleeping a full 8 hours in a night.

Last night I took some benedryl to help me get to sleep. It finally kicked in and I was still lying in bed with my mind racing until nearly 2am. (I went to "sleep" at 11:30) I had a lot of things on my mind but couldn't keep it on a single thought enough to really focus on it. I had a lot of thoughts about my moving, how that's going to be, and how nice it will be to be a lot closer to work.

Upon falling asleep finally I found very vivid dreams about what felt the most inane things. Going to the store, driving down a road to name a few. I woke up around 5am and struggled to get back to sleep, but after the forced air turning off I finally found myself nodding back into a slumber.

I had the worst nightmare there. *****Note: This dream was edited out because of the graphic content within. If you are interested in the ful version, it's posted on my Livejournal. Send me a message if you would like the address, as I don't know if the moderators here would appreciate a direct link to the thing that I am deleting from here. *****

The dream so real it was scary. Not my first nightmare like that, the fear of death so strong that I can taste it. Nightmare making itself feel so much like reality that I can't but think it had happened to me. It was 7am, I'm still waking up earlier than usual, which I find frustrating, but at least I got around 5 hours of sleep last night. It's getting longer, although today I didn't have that "pep" that I had mornings past. I was exhausted.

The shower I took was invigorating, for the first time in ages I felt like singing in the shower. A few songs popping into my head and mishmashing together. I find myself laughing at the idea. I can't wait to move to my new place, apparently the water heater is a bit larger or more effective than the one I am using currently. It's more than frustrating running out of warm water on a day that you really need a long hot shower.

Getting out of the shower and drying off, I open the bathroom door to let the cat in. As per usual he was making a fuss outside the door when I went in there to take a shower. I'd let him in the bathroom while I shower if I wasn't so afraid of the holy terror knocking everything off the counters. I'm beginning to think that Kelsey is right in assuming that poor cat isn't quite right in the head.

I left a bit early today so I could listen to the Thursday Music Challenge on The End. It's their tournament of champions and I had thought that they were going to finish it up today. Unfortunately they are doing it on Wednesday. If things keep going as usual I'll be up and able to listen to it anyway, so no worries. It's Emerson Robbins vs. Cisco the Master Gardener. It's provided me with quite a bit of amusement over the last couple weeks during their normal tournament. The rules were simple. One song, any artist, any genre, any year. Listeners call in and first one to 4 votes wins. I was pretty sad when "What a wonderful world" lost, however I had been singing along to it when it was playing and it had completely picked up my morning. I teared up and everything. I've been a bit overemotional lately, so that's probably the case. it still made my day, although it was almost two weeks ago.

I got to work an hour early today, I needed some time to unwind and just sit and think about things. After 30 minutes or so I go ahead and jump on the computer and start my daily grind. It's the longest two hours of my life, or at least it feels that way, but noon finally comes across to me. I realize that I'd been talking to some people online, their kind words doing wonders for how I feel currently. I even helped one of them figure out what they need in a laptop computer. I feel so useful now!

By now I'm starting to get that ephedra type feeling from taking my medicine, although I think it's not as bad as it was in the last couple days. I do notice that I'm a bit crabby, but I can attribute that to my less than stellar weekend and just general things that I'm stressed about. I make an E card for Kelsey to help spend the few minutes of downtime. Editing my wording in a text file then coming back to it to add a bit more here and there, I finally send it off. I wonder for a moment if it will make it through her junk mail filters.

The next few hours go by quickly, spending a bit of my time talking to Tegan and feeling sorry that she has to work on Black Friday. Wait... I have to work on Black Friday, but it's not retail so I don't really care. I'm just not looking forward to the traffic that day.

I have a good talk with Kelsey. I finally got to apologize for the weekend, although it still doesn't make things better. I sit here thinking about what an %#@&#! that her friend thinks that I am. I'm pretty sure it's a warranted thought this time. It was just bad timing with my mood swings that lead to a huge misunderstanding and it felt like all holy hell broke loose. I am sorry though. I just %#@&#! suck at caring for people. I still want another go at it though, maybe this time I'll be able to keep my eyes open on the whole ride.

I find myself later thinking about Thanksgiving. I wish I was still working it. I don't have anywhere to go to have Thanksgiving dinner. I'll probably end up watching tv and trying to not think about the day. Just consider it a day off since my normal two days off I'll be working. I find that I'm having trouble shrugging off the idea of Thanksgiving alone and my mind wanders on that thought to other holidays. Christmas alone is just a hard thought to deal with, but something that I need to come to terms before the season is really upon me. I don't think that I would do well thinking about it on the day that it happened and not be prepared for how I'm going to feel. It's still a month off, a bit more, but I do worry about it though. I don't do well alone, it's when my anxiety gets worst.

I took my lunch and bought the Six Feet Under: Everything Ends soundtrack. I haven't opened it yet, but after listening to some of the track samples from Amazon I think that I want to keep it. Listening to the sample of "Breathe Me" by Sia reminds me of hearing it on the way home from work one day. Thoughts of driving home on a night, full moon showering the land in shadows. My windows down and blasting the music I glide along the road on my way home. Truly enjoying the commute home I am at peace. My love of driving together with a perfect night doing wonders for my mind. Finding myself eyes closed thinking about that moment, I realize the sample has passed several minutes ago. Clicking on the next link, I hear the sample to Death Cab for Cutie's "Transatlanticism" and am greeted by soft lyrics, only to have me realize that I have the CD on my computer. A few clicks and I'm listening to the whole album while I work away here and there.

It's here that I find myself writing another entry, another novel of my experiences of the day. I'm noticing that I have quite a dry mouth lately, drinking around 2 litres of water, my mouth still feeling a bit funny. It's a side effect from the medication that I think I can deal with if it's going to help stem some of the thoughts going through my head, help me become the person that I know is hidden inside this body. I just need to stick through for a month or two, who knows what will happen during that time.

Hi and welcome to PC.

I am sorry to hear about the troubles with your girlfriend.

I do not take Wellbutrin nor have I ever tried it. I currently take Effexor XR and I do beleive that all anti deppresants cause those "weird" dreams in the beginning, or at least that is what I have heard. I had them for about a week or two in the begining but they do subside. Please hang in there.
I have panic disorder, depression and OCD. I have a fear of meds. So taking any medication for me is a HUGE step. But I had to take a leap of faith and trust my DR knew what was best for me. I am glad I did it. My doc also prescribed a sleep aid (ambien) to help me sleep at night. Like I said, I have a fear of meds so I only took them when I needed them which was less then 5 times. I ususally suffered through it . I did find that Tylenol PM works very well with getting and staying asleep. You may want to try that.

I am also without insurance and I know first hand how costly it can be so I know what you mean about that. Just take is easy and slow. Try the tylenol PM for sleep because I know that Ambien is also quite costly.

I hope this anxiety eases for you soon. PLease keep us posted.


Huggles,


Jen