[porcupine2]

New neighbors moving in. There are 2 cottages to 1 lot so I hope they aren't nosy or watch what I do. I will be feeling very paranoid until I get to know them. I was spoiled with the previous family that lived there. Yes, very paranoid feeling today.

[lostlilgirl]

Dreading going to work tomorrow

[Rose76]

I just uploaded a resume to a web site, which I've never done before. Wow, that took a lot out of me. It sure is tiring to try to be brave on a very hot day with no a/c to speak of. Now, I'm scared and glad and not depressed.

[buttrfli42481]

Thinking of my friend who I haven't heard from since Thursday night.

[Rose76]

Still, not going to bed reasonably early. I feel more at peace late at night and stay awake to have that uplift. Still sleeping less that normal.

[Riza92]

Originally Posted by SadNJNY

Hi folks,
The old thread filled up past 100 posts and was closed down.
So I thought I'd take it upon myself to start up a new one.

Again, this a thread is for posting a short statement about whatever is on your mind.

Feeling lost, useless, and in need of help.

[Shadow-world]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I just uploaded a resume to a web site, which I've never done before. Wow, that took a lot out of me. It sure is tiring to try to be brave on a very hot day with no a/c to speak of. Now, I'm scared and glad and not depressed.

Rose76, you're doing so well! I hope you'll be successful in finding work, which you then also enjoy! Well-done for being so proactive.

Best wishes from

Shadow-world

I want to scream sometimes. Till my voice is raw. To death.
I can’t write it. There aren’t the words.
Utter despair.
I’ve been like that all day. A kind of endless panic in slow motion.
–John Fowles, The Collector

[afterrain]

The most three important words you can say to yourself: YES I CAN!!!!

[Nemo39122]

I just realized today, while driving over a bridge of all places, that even when everything seems to be going okay...I just don't like life.

[buttrfli42481]

Contemplating what to tell T tomorrow.

[porcupine2]

my daughter will be coming to visit for a week and I have a total of 31.72 in my bank account. how embarrassing - i'll have to get creative with meals. just once, i would like to be able to show her a good time.

[Rose76]

I am up since even earlier. Something changed weeks ago. I just don't sleep as much and want to be doing something whenever I am awake, partly so my mind won't go off to bad places.

One of the many things I hate about the word “depression” is the assumption of blankness attached to it, as if the experience of depression is as absent on the inside as it looks to be from the outside. That is wrong. Depression is a place that teems with nightmarish activity. It’s a one-industry town, a psychic megalopolis devoted to a single twenty-four-hour-we-never-close product. You work misery as a teeth-grinding muscle-straining job (is that why it’s so physically exhausting?), proving your shameful failures to yourself over and over again. Depression says you can get blood from a stone, and so that’s what you do. Competing voices are an irritating distraction from the work. No wonder depression doesn’t get invited out much. Not because it’s not the life of the party, it knows it’s not that, but because self-absorption as a work ethic is so prickly and one-eyed. That’s okay with depression—it figures, who’d want to be friends with it, anyway? –Lesley Dormen, “Planet No”

[emptybee15]

Why does having relationships with people have to be so hard? I never got love from my family and I never will, so, I have to work hard to get it and keep it from someone who owes me nothing. I'll NEVER be loved just because I'm me and not what I can do for or give to someone. BLAH!

[Rose76]

It's near time for me to make a follow-up phone call to a prospective employer. Other than sending a resume over the Internet and an e-mail alerting them to expect the resume, I've had no contact. The thought of making this phone call has me absolutely terrified. I would just as soon go walk down a dark alley, at night, in a bad part of a dangerous city. I would rather do that right now. It could be an ally where it was known that someone got stabbed to death a few nights ago. That's how making this call seems to me.

[Rose76]

I made the call and I'm not dead. It didn't kill me. Had to leave a voice message. What an anticlimax! Wow, I actually did it. Nothing else today will seem hard or scary, now that's over with.

[buttrfli42481]

Told my one T about my ed, didn't tell her about the other thing though.

[mcspaz]

It was good to talk to you, I wish I could hold on to you and never let go, I hate that we're so young.

[Flooded]

"Non's" can be complete arseholes.

I sometimes find incomplete ones even harder to deal with.

[Rose76]

I want to lighten up on thinking what a flop I'm probably going to be at anything I get involved with.

[ohlala]

I thinking about how tired I've become of my mood cycling (mostly downward) in BP depression. Even with medication and therapy it's always a struggle. I would just like to be normal.

[Shadow-world]

Why is it so hard to change certain behaviours, assumptions etc.?!
The way I still am I'm not going to have a relationship. Just remembered how a previous counsellor named my attitude as (almost) a relationship phobia (I hate adding to the list of mental health issues already diagnosed though). I'm thoroughly fed up with frequently feeling so out of control over my reactions towards other people and setting myself up for all kinds of difficulties.
I try not to see this as failure, but I'd like to see more progress!
Why do I find it soooo difficult?
Sorry, I don't mean to moan too much and am grateful for the good days and moments recently.
But wouldn't it be fantastic if there was a magic pill we could all take and some of the more debilitating, severe issues we battle with would vanish or at least be less strong?

[buttrfli42481]

Told my 2nd T that I was having su thoughts but no plan. Life really sucks right now.