[Lexicon78]

I had an ok Thanksgiving...it was ok because the loss of my family in the last year and a half has rattled the whole family, but all in all it was ok. The positive loving feeling is gone that the holidays used to bring, but I guess that's normal with several losses like I have had.

Anyways, I'm generally doing ok, just fretting about how I'm gonna heal when I can't even get any help from the counselors I see. I have three main issues that seem to bombard me constantly: grief issues, sexual abuse issues, and relationship issues. Right now the relationship issues are taking a back seat to the others, thank the goddess. I've recently been bombarded by flashbacks of sexual abuse and the constant reminder that the holidays bring of the loss of my family. I feel so lost and alone now without them.

You see, I need help grieving and coping but I have nowhere to go to get the help I need. At the partial program I'm in all they want to talk about is whatever the counselor suggests, which isn't ever anything serious or anything I can relate to. If you bring up anything too serious you are frowned upon. I am afraid that I will receive no help there. So how do I go about getting the help I need before I go crazy? This whole thing is bringing me down.

I can't seem to talk to anyone, really. I guess I can't even leave the program without the doctor's say-so. So I'm left to suffer. I may just start ranting and raving in group pretty soon and get kicked out...I'm that fed up with the whole situation.

I know I keep rambling on about this, but I need to talk to someone who understands where I'm coming from...and my desperation. I feel like there's not a soul in the world who can help me or even who wants to do so. I feel very helpless right now and it's tearing me apart that I cannot get any immediate help.

I'm not a very patient person and this also makes things much worse for me. I just feel so desperate and alone.

It's very hard losing someone so close to you.

Did you check if there is maybe like a grieving group in your area where you could go too. In a group like that you can really say what you feel and people will understand as they have also lost a love one. You could maybe also check online for these kind of groups. I don't know it is just a suggestion.

I'm sorry you are hurting so much!

i'm so sorry that you're having a hard time. sounds like it's time for sour cream cookies and tea, down by the river. xoxoxo pat

what about having an individual therapy therapist not just a group therapist. I have an individual therapist and the groups I attend are just suplementing info that way Im not left hanging on anything that needs being taken care of. If money is the issue county mental health agencys go according to sliding fee scales, many community agencies do therapy for free and catholic chareties and other churches always do grief counseling for free but sometimes ask for a "donation of $1.00 to whatever you can afford.

[dexter]

Lexi...

Is there anyone you can talk to about getting transfered to a different partial program in another hospital? This one sounds awful. Even the lousy programs I was in had some time for individual (one-on-one) therapy.

Were you refered to this program by your doctor? Can you talk to him, tell him this program doesn't suit you, and see if he can suggest another?

This sounds like a huge issue... you need help, want help, and you are just not getting the treatment that you need.

I don't know about where Dex is but most USA partial (outpatient/mental health unit care) you attend the out patient program that is associated with the hospital mental health unit you were admitted to or you see your individual therapist.

[dexter]

The one I was most recently in I went direct to partial (no inpatient treatment) and was able to pick the one I went to. I was out of touch with my therapist and pdoc (home, not working, no phone) so I was referred to partial directly from the state's mental health program after they received a call from concerned friends.

My first partial program did continue at the same hospital at which I was an inpatient. I was transferred into another program after my insurance ran out. They actual "ended partial" and I had to find a personal therapist to follow up with... I got a therapist from the phone book and on my first visit he said "you need to be in a partial program" (duh, yea!) and so was referred into a different one than I had started at.

Obviously both are special circumstances, not the same as requesting a different program as my personal choice, but it seems it would be worth asking someone... if you have anyone treating you that is associated with a different hospital maybe they can refer you in there, or at worst talk to your current doc and tell them the problems you are having. I doubt the insurance company would be any help, but they shouldn't want to be paying for something that is not effective... i.e. that is going to require further treatment afterward... so maybe if you found a doctor or someone agreeable they could convince the insurance co that you need a different type of treatment offered by a different program.

Thanks for explaining dex and loved the (duh yea) so simple to us what we need but getting the professionals to know that sometimes is like talking to a wall. LOL take care.

[dexter]

>>loved the (duh yea) so simple to us what we need but getting the professionals to know that sometimes is like talking to a wall.

In this case, luckily, the professionals were on my side, it was the insurance company being stupid. The first partial program I was in was my favorite, very personal and caring (and effective). After being in partial for a few weeks, the insurance company wanted me to have ECT. I only knew a little about ECT but I did know that it is not something you try until other things have been ineffective. My total treatment at that time was one week in the hospital and a few weeks in the partial, heck I was still waiting to see if my first ever antidepressant med had time to be effective.

I am so glad I had caring professionals. They told me privately about the ECT, they let it be my decision but agreed with me that they thought it was way way way too soon to be considering that. They helped me by stretching my partial program days throughout the week so I could have more weeks total treatment (and even let me come in a few days no charge so my change would not be abrupt).

A few weeks later my insurance would not authorize any more partial. They helped me transition to a personal therapist even though we both knew I needed more partial. My first visit with the new T he evaluated me and said "you should be in partial!" and he was able to get more time from the insurance company for me, but at a different program. I know that the first program I was in (the inpatient part at least) was a very expensive program, I assume the partial at the same hospital was at the high end of the scale as well.

In other ways my insurance is very good. I do have very good coverage, I had my choice of hospitals which is how I got into that very good hospital in the first place. When I had my relapse this time, if I was going to be rehospitalized, they said I could go to the same facility. Since I was able to do partial instead, I tried this different program because I needed transportation, and this program offered me the free van transport to and from. Luckily I really liked this program also (although the van service sucked big time )

So I can't say I completely hate my insurance, I can say that I've been lucky to have some good doctors on my side, and I can say that I've been lucky to have those doctors advocate me for those parts of my insurance that are a problem.