[justempty]

I feel like I've felt an underlying depression for most of my life. Do you think some people are born depressed, or do our life experiences do this to us? Maybe both. I know people who are in a constant state of happy--positive, happy, social butterflies. I don't know how they do it. Yes, maybe some of them are putting on a front, but even that is not something I'm able to do--for long anyway.

I lost my husband to cancer in February, which may just keep me from climbing out of my depression once and for all. Most times, there have been little "fixes" that bring me out of it for a little while. But I know it's fleeting because I can't stay feeling happy for very long. A lot of times, I just want to sit in a quiet room and do nothing. I have lost my motivation. I'm not a person who feels comfortable meeting new people or socializing. I prefer a few special people whom I click with. And I just seem to need to "happen upon them"--I don't want to go to the trouble to try to find them.

I don't know if any of this makes sense, but just wanted to throw it out there and see what you all thought. Sometimes it helps me sort out my thoughts. Thanks for listening.

[venusss]

Just because somebody says they are happy does not mean they are. Maybe they are even more desperate than those of us who admit it. Maybe they fear loneliness so they rather suround themselves with shallow people they may not even like than to be with themselves... who knows. It does not matter in the end.

I believe happiness comes in short doses... nobody is happy-happy-happy all the time. And the pursuit of such constant happiness can hold us back... because we become disillusioned when it does not work.

I do believe depression and other woes are existential to a great degree... so yes, we are predisposed to them by being humans, having intellect and knowing our time here is limited and that in the end, we are very powerless in this world.

Take your time to mourn your loss... and don't blame yourself it takes time... it is normal to feel that way. It can take quite long and it will always be there... but you would not want to be so shallow to forget and go on happily without any sorrow, would you?

[justempty]

Thank you, Venus. You're right, and I know it, I just needed to hear it, I suppose. No, I wouldn't just want to bounce right back into life so quickly as if nothing happened. But it's just brutal to feel like this, especially long-term. And you're also right about most of the happy-happies seeming to be a little shallow. The ones I know anyway. Not saying they all are.

Thanks again for taking the time to give a thoughtful comment!

[madisgram]

i'm sorry for your loss,justempty. i know it's very painful right now for you. allow yourself time to grieve. it's ok and healthy too. as soon as you feel a little better call a friend for lunch or something. it will help to eventually get out of the house but take the time you need in the meantime. many hugs.

[MrsEric]

I think, in my case at least, it's both. Almost all of the women on my mom's side have sort sort of mental illness, my mom included. I don't doubt that I would bound to have something of the sort.

However, I think my life experiences (severe abuse as a child) made it worse and different than what it would have been without those experiences.

So sorry for your loss justempty.

I think people are definitely born with the predisposition to be depressed. i know I was. Life experiences can make things better or worse. I ended up having some severe traumas that really made mine worse.

I also think there are people that are just happier. Sometimes it can be annoying, but the few people I've met like that, when I've gotten to know them, aren't really as happy as they come across at first, they just have a sunnier 'outside" persona...but are actually pretty realistic about the world or doing it to cover up some pain that they have in other places. there are people that think i'm the happiest person in the world, but i'm just a great actress.

I think for those of us who are predispositioned to be depressed, we have to work at happiness. As Venus said, it comes in short doses....but I definitely work to find happiness, because I hate the depression so much. And when life is good, I enjoy it as much as possible.

I don't have a ton of friends, and I've just happened upon mine as well so I understand your feelings on that as well - but I do my best to see them when I can, or at least talk to them or email...keep the connections alive.

i couldn't possibly tell you how to get over the loss of a love, but what you're feeling is totally valid. i hope you start to feel better soon.

[lxegirl]

depression can be situational and biological... i dont expect you to not be depressed after losing someone you love. just think of what he would want for you, and how he would want you to be happy.