Rough Time

Hi everyone I would just like some feedback hopefully insight so I'd really appreciate a listening ear.

I've been depressed for about the last 7 years, sometimes more intensely than others but now that its summer, I don't have school. I do have a part time job doing research at the university. But over last few summers is when all my suicide attempts happen. My most recent one was last summer which ended me in the ICU for about 4 days. It wasn't pretty.

My girlfriend went to home to visit her family. She'll be back in a month. I guess I'm kind of lonely without her. We still talk everyday but its quite expensive cause her familys from a different country.

I don't want to worry my parents. I've put them through enough stress. Not to mention my brother getting arrested and may be charged with a felony. I don't want them to stress out, so when I talk to them I tell them everything is going good.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I don't feel like my life has any meaning. I don't know where its heading in the future. I'm getting more and more depressed everyday. I am seeing a psychiatrist which I've been seeing for almost twice a week for the last year or two. I just don't feel like its helping me much right now. I'm becoming so hopeless and I'm afraid I may hurt myself again. Since my pattern, has been suicide attempts only in the summer time.

I honestly am lost and I dont know what to do. Can I get some feed back ASAP please... Thank you

Hi,

I kind of get where you are coming from. I started out with Panic Disorder, then moved to serious anxiety, and just when i thought I was getting over that depression kickd in. I have never been depressed before but I did lose a good friend to suicide a couple years ago. I feel like I cant cope with stress or lonliness. Are you on any meds? What is your Diagnosis?

For me, nights are much worse than daytime. I dont know where the suicidal thoughts came from, I have a really great life, a boyfriend an amazing supportive family, a good job, everything I could ask for. But, I am so sad sometimes.

Try watching youtube videos from americas funniest home videos,, that always at least gives me a laugh.

hope this helps.

Be honest with your parents ok? We have a tendency as children to "shield" are parents and as parents to "shield" or children. Shield them from my own fears is usually what I've done.

I would take a good hard look at school versus school summer break activities...I'm guessing there are a lot of changes in your routine.

yes I am taking meds about 5 of them

my diagnosis is bipolar type II and general anxiety... although I think its more social anxiety

I understand where you're coming from... I too, can't stand summers. I lose all the structure and safety of school routines. I thrive on the routine that school provides, and while my T has suggested that I create my own "summer routine" it just isn't the same. I also keep my parents pretty much in the dark - it is not the best thing to do, but they have some major issues of their own, and have never really been supportive, so it's just better for everyone this way.

This summer I'm working really hard not to fall into the SU mode and let my depression take over. I've planned a trip to visit a friend out of state, volunteered to coach a local summer league, and am in process of making plans with a neighbor to walk a few times a week. This, along with seeing my T three times a week, should fill my days enough so that I can't spiral out of control like I have in the past.

Can you find something to volunteer to do over the summer? Like a sport, or a camp, or even your local library? Something that gives you a little structure for the summer that is managed by someone else (I can't manage my own structure well, I need to have someone to report to, like the head coach, a neighbor, and a friend.) Is there a summer project that you can do? Something that will take a few hours a day, a few days a week?

Good luck, summers suck, but my T assures me that they don't have to, and one day, they will actually be enjoyable!

hope

thanks it really helped to know that someone else is going through exactly what i'm feeling. I hate the unstructured time that summer provides although most people enjoy it. I have a hard time to discipline myself to create my own structure. Perhaps your right maybe I should look into volunteering or doing something else. Well I'm planning to go to summer school so hopefully that will help.