Today, I am going to focus on one reason I need to remain living

I have been really struggling lately. Just when I think I can enjoy a life without constantly being reminded of my past...well, something comes and knocks that thought right out of my head and I plunge deeper into my own black hole.
It is a fresh start today. Early in the morning...just getting started...
So, today I am going to try and focus on ONE reason only that is important for me to stay alive.
Anyone else want to join me in this???
Then we can share how it did or didn't work and support each other through this difficult time??

I have been living this for the past three years there are only two reasons that I am still here on this earth and that is to be able to see my son before I die and promises I made to a couple HOPE survivor friends of mine, one of which lost her daughter and a friend of mine to suicide and to two very special friends here in this town. All of the above people accept me both in public as well as in private which my abusers did not and do not depending on which because some are alive and some are dead. I refuse(d) and continue to refuse to let my abusers take me over the edge. I have fought long and hard to stay alive. I may have suicidal thoughts but there is no way in heaven or hell I am going to act on them before I see my son again. And I care too much for my friends to harm them by taking my life.

I rarely have suicidal thoughts but in my weakest moments
I have dreams I want to fullfill.
I still believe that for all the bad years in my life I will be granted as many good years and I'm stubborn and I refuse to miss out on them.
I have my dogs who need me. If something were to happen to me, I know they'd end up in the dog pound and probably end up getting put to sleep since the dog pounds are so overcrowded. I can't bare the thought of that.

I love my life even though it's crappy in a lot of ways but life gives me those little perks that seem to make it all worth while. They're really stupid but they make me happy.
Things like seeing a house with a lot of x-mas lights, getting an unexpected raise from a client, locking myself out of my car with the keys in the ignition with the engine on then finding I had left one of the back doors unlocked,
finding an old favorite shirt I thought I lost, seeing a bunch birds fly out to greet me every morning in my back yard because they know I'll feed them and little stuff like that.

My one reason to stay alive? I can think of so many, but I'll say today my one reason to stay alive is to bring joy to my dad, who so desperately needs someone to share life with. He's a very lonely man, and needs all the companionship that he can get. I will always give him that.