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#1
Dec 12, 2005, 04:30 PM
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Why is it that when you finally have the braveness about yourself and the will to want to move forward and not allow a situation that is making you stay in a black hole , that you get crap dumped on you? Why is it that I am supposed to be taking better care of myself but when I reach out to do this I am told I am selfish?
Why? Why? Why? Why? ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG |
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#2
Dec 12, 2005, 04:33 PM
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Sometimes we encounter this kind of crap in life. You are not selfish at all. Sometimes people can't see that you are trying to do good for yourself. Sounds like they may be a little selfish, not you.
__________________
"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." -Bernard Bailey |
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#3
Dec 12, 2005, 07:43 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sj0401 said: Why is it that I am supposed to be taking better care of myself but when I reach out to do this I am told I am selfish? </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Oh, I recognized myself in this sentence. Really. I was going truogh it almost every day - if I did something for somebody I was told that "I didn`t have to" but if I did not and if instead of playing "good wife" (toghter, sister, friend) I did something for myself, than I was categorized for being SELFISH. I cryed a lot, I was feeling guilty and very bad but I understood that I am the only one who can protect myself. Well, I quit being mad or pity myself and started acting as I should. So - no tears anymore. I am taking care of others but first of all I am doing things I am suposed to do for myself. My logic is - since I am called selfish anyway, than let me give them at least the reason to think so. It is also the matter of decision. Take care of yourself, do things which will help you to feel better and exercise on your selfconfidence and selfesteem. But, on the otrher hand you are responsible for yourself and you have to think about your own needs, desires and choices. And if it happens again, just ignore negative comments and continue doing your things. Take care 
__________________
"We are not limited by our fears. We are limited by our choices" |
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#4
Dec 12, 2005, 07:53 PM
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I'm sad that people are standing in the way way of your efferts to get better. How frustrating!
It's the hardest thing for me to do, I'm the biggest pleaser in the world, but I have to say it was great when I was able to agree with someone, "Yes, this IS all about me," "Yes, I AM being selfish, my life depends on it now." And you know what? Sometimes, it's OK! Just do it! DJ
__________________
Peace, DJ "Maturity is nothing more than a firmer grasp of cause and effect." -Bob "and the angels, and the devils, are playin' tug-o-war with my personality" -Snakedance, The Rainmakers |
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#5
Dec 12, 2005, 08:15 PM
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I relate.......
  ((((((((((((((Suz)))))))))))))) Easier to hibernate eh?
__________________
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#6
Dec 12, 2005, 08:23 PM
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Great advice, Davey.
But don't be asking that person again 'cause then you'll probably end up smashing your head against a brick wall. Some people just don't get it. |
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#7
Dec 12, 2005, 10:12 PM
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Keeping the wrong company? Was it a friend?
EJ |
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#8
Dec 13, 2005, 12:15 AM
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My understanding of how dysfunctional relationships work is that we are generally not alone in our unproductive behavior patterns. First, we learn these behaviors in our families. Perhaps we learn to please parents who are drunks or abusers or too strict or ill and need our help. Then, we recreate these patterns in our employment and friendship lives.
It inconveniences these people when we try to change. While we are trying to make positive changes, they want us to remain the same -- still trying to please them, or take care of them, or a thumping board. I have no specific psychological credentials to make such pronouncements -- it's just a result of 12-steps participation, my own counseling and reading and observations of life.
__________________
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