[Butterfly_Faerie]

I'm in a rut right now, and so close to christmas. I feel so stuck, and I feel down, lack of energy. I feel like a burden to my bf, I don't work, I basically sit on my behind for all of the day, reading mainly. I started a survivor forum for people who survived abuse, but the site is slow right now and I haven't done much with it in terms of recent updates. I have my other site but that is slow as well cause of the Holidays, I cannot seem to keep myself busy. I read alot, I want to sleep all day, but refuse to even take a nap. I have been writting in my journal again. My eating habits suck, i'm likely if I eat properly during the day. It's almost noon and all I had since I got up was coffee. I even skipped out on my lightbox, on purpose, plus the alarm I use on my cell phone was not on because my phone was charging.

Just feel.... stuck, no confidence in terms of jobs, especially with the interviews. I feel like a jack@$$ lying to the interviewer about my education, cause i'm lacking it, I told them I have grade 12 which I don't... Then the questions start as to why I haven't decided to go to college etc... and then I look like a retard stuttering my words, i'm sure they can see the lack of confidence.

[ozzie]

Hi sundance. I think a lot of us are feeling blah right now. Sorry you are one of us. Wish there was something I could say or do to help. (((((((((hugs))))))))))

[rebecca8]

i really like your quote at the end of your message, it really speaks to me. I just ended my jobless rut about 3 weeks ago. I know what you're going through in terms of being at home.....not having the energy to do anything.....wanting to sleep....feeling like a burden. This past year and a half I've been on soooooo many interviews, gotten the job, then quit after 2 days. That behavior really totally shattered my confidence, and drained me.
Don't worry too much about lying to the interviewer. I bet like 99% of all people lie during an interview. I have. I know this might sound cheesy, but you could focus on the strengths that you have, and talk about those more, so you might deflect the interviewer from asking questions about education. Sometimes, I think that employers overdo the whole having a college degree thing. I mean there are so many different forms of intelligence. You seem very smart. For example, you say you read alot...that's so good!......you've spelled everything correctly, and seem very articulate. Very lacking in today's society, I believe. I have an idea.......when you feel up to it (don't try to force it because, I've found that adds more pressure, and makes you feel worse) start reading some books about writing good resumes. Even if you don't actually need the resume for a job, it helps to have a sort of outline in your mind during the interviews, so you're less likely to trip over your words. Also, you could maybe look into a temporary staffing firm. That helped me get out of my 1st rut. I hope you find the strength to pick yourself up again. I know that it is soooooo hard!!! I really do. You're gonna be OK.

[Beautiful_Pain]

Heh, uh, same...sorry you are in the same kind of situ as me =(

I don't work, sit around all day in front of the puter reading, no energy, no motivation, desire to sleep like most of the day, non healthy eating patterns. When I was looking for work, I put in so many apps over like 3 years--got ONE interview, didn't even get the job =/

I hope you find a way out of your rut soon {{{sundance}}}

[Lexicon78]

I'm sorry you are feeling really down right now. I think you are doing a great job with what you have available. I'm also one of those that doesn't do much. I just basically sit at the computer all day long. I spend much of my time here at PC posting or whatever. I really don't have much of a life, either.

As for your other site, I think you are doing a fantastic job there! I know I could never put together something like that! I just want to thank you for doing something so wonderful for people that need it!

So just try to hang in there. This year is especially hard for so many of us, myself included. Pat yourself on the back for all you are doing. Be kind to yourself. You deserve that much.

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Thank you everyone for your replies.

I'm trying t obe postive about everything, but I sometimes cannot push myself to take that extra step.

I want to get an education, I would like a job, but I do not feel ready for it. I wonder if I will ever be. I've been out of work for at least 2 yrs now, and haven't had that many jobs to begin with... When it comes to the interview I'm too nervous even though I think of what I'm going to tell that person the day before, but when it actually comes to saying it I go blank, like in a test.

My psychiatrist always told me that I'm the interviewer and I should be the one going forward and asking all these questions.

But my self-esteem and confidence is so low. My psychiatrist also said to me that the more interviews I go to the easier it will become, but every time that I go and fill out a job ap, or bring it back home to fill it out, when it comes to education, I freeze, and don't put anything, and I think if I don't put anything they'll definatly not hire me... ARGH!!!!!!!!!

[Mystry]

Hey Sundance, I hope you don't think I was trivilizing your problem yesterday? I handle most situations with humor. You know if you are not ready...I was thinking maybe you could practice with some people here. I'm sure alot of people would be happy to help you practice...Like for instance you could fill out a bogus application and send it in and then have people leave posts if they would like to interview you...either way Sundance you try not to be so hard on yourself...you'll be ready when you feel ready.

Mystry