Having bad thoughts...

Hi, I am new to this - first time reaching out ever. I have been out of work for over a year now and my husband is going out of town on a business trip next week and I am really scared about what I will do without him here. My two kids are grown, one is married and the other is in his last year of college - so I really don't feel like I am needed anymore. Just been feeling very down the past couple of months and I can't seem to shake the idea that suicide is an option.

losingit60, suicide is not an option. I mean...if you need to think about suicide as something you can use as a means of escape than, okay--just don't really do it. I use to have constant suicidal thoughts and having the thoughts eased my mind because I felt like I had an option--a way out. Now I no longer have the constant thoughts of suicide. I attribute that to therapy and meds. So, think about it all you want to--just don't do it.

I'm sorry you're distressed. Are you okay with being by yourself? Maybe you could have a good lady friend or do you have a sister or aunt who could keep you company. You said you don't feel needed - this is common when children are grown and leave the house. Women become accustomed to always taking care of others and now you have all this time/desire to fill needs. How about you make an appointment to pamper yourself if you can afford it.

You can also start volunteering - this is very good for the soul. You need to switch from filling others needs to filling your own. Be selfish a little and think "I need me and I deserve to feel content". DePressMe is right, suicide is never an option. Find new outlets for your desire to feel needed and remember to love yourself.

Think of all those days you thought one day when my kids are big I still want to do this or that, now you can. Don't be scared of the future now you can enjoy all those things and have a lot more "me time" to live some of those dreams you could not due to all the responsibilities you had while your kids was still in school.

((losingit))

You are important.
It sounds like you are suffering from depression and anxiety.
You deserve to feel happy and secure and to look forward to the time you have with yourself to do the things you enjoy - even the opportunity to venture out and make a few new friends...
But depression and anxiety can make this seem hopeless and impossible. I understand.
Have you ever been to a CoDA meeting? I have found them helpful when I don't know how to be alone.
http://www.coda.org/
You might also try to get a doctors appointment to consider anti-depressants.
Sending many supportive thoughts your way...

We are here. Please keep in touch.

Elana

((((((Losingit60))))))))
Lynn is right, you are going through a change right now. Your children are on their way out of the nest and your not sure how to not be in demand to give to them.
And those bad thoughts are because you are sensing that you are out of a job in a way or maybe a kind of career. Because running a family and raising children is actually a career choice. And many mothers never had much time to think about themselves, they often do things for themselves sparingly so they actually lose part of themselves. This moment in life is a very lost time for many mothers. And it doesn't sound like you had your own career and identity, your identity was caring for your children. And many women simply don't realize this and go through a kind or morning period where they have to come to terms with not being needed anymore and it is almost as if they are not loved anymore either. But that is just a misperception.

I have been struggling with that myself, and I have to say I am not sure what I want to do. Though I am struggling with PTSD as well, I do feel that part of me that almost feels like I lost my child somewhere. And the hard part is that the children are going to act like your not important to them any more. It doesn't mean that they don't love you, it just means that they just want to explore things on their own now and make their own decisions and sometimes they don't even want any of your advice. And that has nothing to do with wether you were a good parent or not either. And if that is happening it is a good sign that you actually were a good parent and provided them with whatever they needed to actually have a strong desire to be on their own, so you actually did your job. And it is also hard to adjust to the fact that you are no longer in control, kind of like you lost your business all of a sudden.

Don't let yourself fall into thinking that you have no more function in life anymore.
You just have to learn how to get used to an empty house and the quiet and change. Slowly you are going to learn how to get back in touch with yourself in a different way. You do have to make efforts to try to explore and learn and give yourself time to get used to the change. And there definitely is a morning process that is normal so don't let it send you into depression and having bad thoughts about yourself. It is a major readjustment but you WILL adjust slowly.

Open Eyes

Welcome to the Community, losingit60.

Some recommended resources and hotlines include:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
http://www.suicide.org/
http://www.hopeline.com/
http://www.suicideforum.com/
http://suicideprevention.wikia.com/w...tion_Directory

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

Hi - I have been having those kind of thoughts on and off for a while now. What I have learned is that they do pass and however bad and desperate I have felt, if I can just find a way to distract myself, they do eventually go and my head feels clearer and more rational and I look back and think wow what a bad place I was in and how unwell I must have been and glad that I had waited for the dark clouds to pass.

I am not sure how it is for you, but when I have the thoughts, it is like they are not my thoughts, not that I am hearing voices, but just that there is one bit of my brain creating that stuff. So now I try to remind myself of that, to sort of separate myself from the thoughts and just try to consider them as an annoying noise that will eventually stop.

This weekend is the first time my kids have stayed with their dad (we were recently divorced) and I feel that my purpose in life has gone - but I am working really hard to find a different pathway in life - actually today I went and choose a new puppy that I pick up in 2 weeks - I know that puppy will give me a purpose and also will make me exercise which I know is really good for my mind.

So is suicide an option? I read somewhere that it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, which I think is so true. I also read a book and it talked about suicide and how a woman who was suicidal was asked about her death and who would be standing at the graveside - I had a strong image of my children which I hold onto, I could not do that to them.

I hate those thoughts, at times they pull me under and I have to fight really hard to keep my head up, but I do believe that I will find a purpose and if I am not here, I will never get to find out what it was.

Take care, this is a great site with great people, major life events such as you describe can take a while to adjust to, so be patient and kind to yourself - SD

Do you ever reach out to your husband and tell him that he is needed? Suicide is NEVER AN OPTION! Try to focus on the goodness in you that you own as a statement about how much you are still needed. I think you might try thinking about how much YOU NEED YOU, especially now. I have been where you are and I learned to say tomorrow is waiting for you while you wait for yourself. I think you deserve you more than you think. I welcome a response!

Let me just say that, just because your kids are grown and gone doesn't mean you aren't needed or wanted. They will always need you. Trust me. I'm turning 30 this year. I have two kids and a husband, but I still need my mom. I don't know what I would do without her.