My deadly obsession

I am not sure if this is right to post, but it's on my mind, moderately. I'm obsessed with death... and I don't mean I lay in the dark with creepy thoughts and dress Gothic.. No I look/act like a "normal" girl.. I have just always been so fascinated by it. I could remember being 6 years old and asking my mom to take me down the road so I can read the tombstones... now that I'm twenty my love for death is alive and kicking. My senior project was even over the Psychological effects of death and dying... I don't want to kill myself, but a couple of years back when I was suffering badly from depression I almost did it..because I don't fear it.. I know so much of it. So I guess..I do need help I'm afraid if my depression ever comes back that badly then those ideas might too. It's a secret that ive been holding for so long, glad to finally let it out. Any ideas?..if so please let me know.

Know that you're not alone with the fascination. I have a friend who is obsessed with men in masks. No like OBSESSED! Anyways, you're not the only person that has weird fascinations. It's where they lead you to. When you were depressed back then, even if you hated the idea of death the idea might have still seemed very tempting. I think that it's okay, but you have to set boundaries. LIke dont be wandering over to a grave yard and digging up people because you want to see how they work. That usally doesn't go over well. Although there are Artists that did that. =) Hope this helps,

~Lillyleaf~

Masked men you say? that is odd, but no, digging up a grave would be too far! Lol but I wont lie when I was a bit younger I wanted to see a dead body very badly. I do know my boundaries, but yes those ideas of suicide were tempting me, I figured I had nothing to lose and nothing to fear, but for now all is well, thank you Lilly for your input Oh and one of my greatest fears, is Zombies! lol

Maybe if you take the mystery out of death, it would be less appealing. You might think its shocking to feel as you do, but it doesn't surprise me.Most people are repelled by a dead body - ever wonder how a coroner, funeral home worker or the person who examines a body after a crime handle the concept of death and dead bodies? They obviously have come to terms and are no longer shocked or repelled by death. Maybe you could work in one of those fields and turn it into a positive thing - someone needs to do that job lol. If you were saying you're into necrophelia then I would be concerned.

Oh Jesus no! Necrophilia has never crossed my mind. It will never turn into anything else but a mere obsession. Thanks for the advice tho on possible careers. I can never be a coroner though, or work on a crime scene too gruesome, decomposing bodys repel me. Yet I would love to be a counsler for children and teens that are coping with a dead, or dying loved one.

This is worth exploring!

I have watched several animals die. What really effected me most as I watched the animals go from life to the stillness of no life, it made me realize how fragile life really is.

Open Eyes

It almost seems to me that your obsession with death and the fact that you thought about suicide are two separate things. I don't think your curiosity about death is a bad thing. I agree with the others that if it was necrophelia or came to you digging up bodies, it would then be an issue.

Yes life is very fragile, and ends quickly, but that why we need to take advantage that we are alive and living.

And yes, I can see it now how my obsession with death and suicidal thoughts are different.

I am obsessed with hitler. I like reading mein kampf. It makes a lot of people....wonder.... about me.