[Shadow-world]

I've just learned about another one of my friends who is pregnant and looking forward to having her baby. I know I should just be happy for her, but right now I'm crying.

It's been one of the main issues I've struggled with for months this year. Ever since I had to undergo gynae surgery early this year, I constantly seem to see pregnant women and women with their kids and I become aware of what I will now never have and it hurts so much. I don't know if I felt better if I had at least a partner, but I find it so difficult to find peace with my situation.
Maybe I should tell myself what I have instead??? Trying to focus on my interests or so?

I don't know; I just know I can't become as desperate as I had been for months since mid-spring again. That was all to a great extent related to these issues.

Has anyone got any suggestions of how I can prevent going really deeply downhill again? I don't want to feel so desperate and like a failure again and I can feel it starting to overwhelm me again.

[agma]

Sorry you are feeling so hurt. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost a year, and we haven't had any luck. There are other options, such as adoption. I am beginning to think more seriously about foster care and adoption. Hope you start to feel better soon.

[Leed]

PLEASE don't feel like you're a "failure." Good heavens, we aren't defined by the children we have. I can think of MANY people who should never have had children in the first place!

I know you want to experience it -- but perhaps you were meant to be an adoptive parent? There are SO MANY children who need good homes -- mothers who will LOVE them unconditionally!! That would certainly NOT be a failure!!! That would be a blessing!

God bless you & if this continues to haunt you, PLEASE see a therapist. He/she can help you thru this -- I've been in therapy off and on all my life, and it's done me a world of good. I wish you the best. Hugs, Lee

I have to ditto all here.....and give you huge hugs!! Children do not define YOU!!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Shadow-world)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Shadow-world]

Thank you all so much for your replies! Much appreciated. I think I sometimes lose the ability to reason when I get into a certain frame of mind and see things in a distorted way. You're right, of course, that we are not defined by children.

I've recently been slightly abandoned by mental health services due to a lack of proper provision where I live but I'm starting some private counselling next week (on a fortnightly basis to start with due to the costs) and hope to really get some of these things sorted. I might be able to go up to a weekly session by the end of the year.
I really want to put some of these ghosts to rest. There have just been too many things to deal with this year in particular, I suppose.

Thank you again! I hope you're doing well!