Can you name the shape, size, texture of your depression?

Hello Good Friends of the Depression forum.
I was thinking this morning how I can so quickly go back and forth with the degrees of depression and anger I feel.
Sometimes I can maintain a good feeling for only a minute, sometimes an hour.
But, I was also thinking of how to describe my feelings of depression right now.
As of this moment the shape is very jagged. It is about the size of the NY Yankee staduim. And the texture is like sandpaper.
I say sandpaper because the actual sandpaper is scratchy and rough but when you keep rubbing it against something it will smooth it out. So, if I keep rubbing it against T maybe I can smooth out my depression.
Anyway...was wondering how other people are viewing their depression this morning.

I did this exercise with a therapist once. It turned out to be a purple/red triangle under my sternum. I guess it was meant to help me see how my depression was working on my body...a little different than what you were asking about I guess.

Wow, I've never thought this...Hmmm...thinking...

I have a constant, mild depression that can plunge with situational triggers. This morning I would think it would be...

rectangular (widespread but even, and thin though I don't know why), it's small (only affecting my head it seems), it's smooth and slippery (I can jump on, then slide right off and away from it many times like a water slide).

This is very cool. Is this what's being asked?

T asked me a weird question Tues. We were talking about where I "felt physically" when I talked about David's choking and my fear...I grabbed my chest. I don't know why he asked and I don't know why I grabbed my chest excepting that my entire chest was reacting at the moment...tight, tingly and pounding.

KD

KD...awesome answer. No right or wrong to it. Just had these thoughts this morning about taking my depression and trying to imagine what it looked like in shape texture form.
I came up w/ it all by myself. Not an exercise T gave or anything. Just had these random thoughts in my head about my Depression.

Intersting about what happened in your T appt.

Intresting question, I like a little bit of a challenge. Plus it gets those dusty ole winders moving in my brain.

I'd say my depression is a black cradle with a broken non functioning leg. But when I look inside I see my beautiful baby girl.

I believe there is a sign of hope at the end of this bout of post pardum depression. It will end soon because I can't resist their cute little grins.

kimmy- just wanted to let you know that my therapist always asks where I feel certain emotions. Usually it is the chest or stomach. Not sure why though!

sj- My depression is a huge gray cloud enveloping my body, but it goes with me, so I can't escape it. Sometimes it gets thinner, sometimes it is choking, but it never goes away. It goes right through my body, so it is deep inside too. Guess I'm not doing too well right now.

This is fascinating... I want to wrap my head around this concept. Thanks SJ!

Hmm...Not sure if Lmo is really thanking me....or I have made her upset...

Now I am upset because I don't know.

wait! what?? I'm not upset! I was sincerely thanking you!

Interesting threas Susan, I like it. I never actually though about in a material way, something I can actually describe the way my depression looks.

I think that mine is circle that wraps around me. Sometimes it holds me tight and other times it is loose. It is slippery. Sometimes I can feel it from top to bottom and other times just on the top. Lately is has a moderate grip around me.

Huggles,

Jen

Mine is a lack of texture. It's a cave, surrounded by craggy black rocks, deep deep underground. There's no light. No exit.

mine has no shape, really...it's just there...and it's pretty big. It's really rough and rugged, too.

In my deepest depression it feels like I´m sitting in a small wooden fragile punt without any oars in the middle of the ocean. Dark clouds in the sky, all around. The sea in anger and rage. I´m sitting there trembling in the chilly and heavy storm! Trying hard to just hang on to the boat! The safe shore so far away! Seems like a hopeless situation.

Other days the ocean is sooo calm and you can see your own reflection on the surface. But my face looks not sad and not happy... I just AM, sitting there in the boat... Numb, feeling nothing... hearing nothing. The world around seems so distant...is it really there?! Where do I belong?

Maybe my answer wasn´t an exact answer to the question... but this is the way I can describe my depression.

LMO and I got things straightened out...I tend to take things very personally and I am very sensitve.

You guys are doing great w/ thinking about this....
Remember there is no right or wrong answer. It is just something for us to think about and get in touch w/ our depression so we can better understand ourselves and maybe get a little relief!

The ocean- forever changing like the tides.

Low tide uncovers the nasty seaweed, broken shells, treasures lost to never be discovered again but to be stolen by the causal visitor stopping to gaze at it's beauty. High tides raising to spill into the empty caverns bringing fleeting life and calm.

A multitude of colors changing with the atmosphere and location. Temperatures to comfort all those who care to dive in but the deeper they go to enjoy what drew them there in the first place the colder and darker it becomes.

It's also filled with wondrous beauty and life. It gives and swallows you whole depending on what you're looking for. You can't be 100% sure where the currents begin or the forces that cause it to change.

That's an interesting question to think about sj, thank you. I can describe my depression.... it is like a heavy ball of black or grey clay in my stomach, in my guts. Sometimes it tries to get into my soul. My T gives me enough love, so the clay becomes soft and easier to work with. At the end I hope it will become a wonderful sculpture of an angel, and with my T I'll paint it white. It means the depression will not be forgotten, but be changed to something better. To love and truth. Integrated in my body, a part of me, but nothing scary anymore. It must be possible. ... Thanks to my T... and you guys. This site is starting to mean a lot to me. thank you. Altho I'm afraid and anxious and sad, I try to trust.

<font color="purple">Very thought provocking, which is good... Let see.... Mine has two shapes interwined :a star with its sharp edges, highs and lows, no way out, boxed in, deceptive and tormenting- a figure eight, around and around, making no porgress, the curves tightening- </font>

I've answered this question inside myself once before...now I just have to find the pages I wrote that contain the description...I will be back to post when I find them.

LOVE this 'exercise' by the way, sj =)

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Ninni said:Numb, feeling nothing... hearing nothing. The world around seems so distant...is it really there?! Where do I belong?

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Nina, you took the words right out of my mouth with this. WOW.

Most of my imagination centers around music so Id say mine are a mixture of :

The very bassy (deep sounding) and pounding echoing chords (more than one note being played at once) that seem like it will never end of "Beethovens (never could spell that dudes name! So the spelling may be wrong) 5th Symphony", And I welcome the however brief Whole, Half and Quarter note rest stops.

Then there the calm float through the air of the flowing melody of "The Music Box Dancer" and "The Entertainer". In which I seem to know its there but I can just float on though it instead of taking a pit stop on the Whole, Half and Quarter rest stops.

The shape conal

the size very large

texture a very bad taste in your mouth that can't be washed away with mouthwash...

<font color="purple">I just wanted to add to mine that the sound is loud, jumbled convention concert sounding, but comes from only one source........ The texture is skin crawling itchy prickly with minute patches of smooth softness that get hidden among the shiney thistles of thorns....... </font>

You all are doing excellent on this...

Keep going....