Heading for a Break-Down

I feel as though a mental breakdown is right around the corner for me and I do not know how to tell my own husband - he barely made it through my last fall out about eight years ago, which included 3 attempts.

HELP!! - what to do........

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

please tell him. he will be stronger than you think. please do this immediately, okay? and keep me posted. PM me if you need to. i work tomorrow from 9-5. love, pat

Rhapsody, I can't express enough gratitude on behalf of spouses/significant others that you are taking your husband into account. That is so cool of you, especially considering how much stress you must be feeling of your own.

2 things:
- a book for him called "Depression Fallout", and another called "How You Can Survive When They're Depressed", both by Anne Sheffield
- encourage him to get his own T to work through the stress. He can't help you unless he himself is calm. A good T can help him work through his own response to your breakdown, and help him find the right resources to help both of you.

Good luck, Rhapsody!

I know I need to tell him, but how can I when he feels, or at least thinks, all is well with me.... I do hide most things ever so good. I am writing this and crying and feeling bad thoughts (he is on the other side of the room watching tv) and he does not even know what is happening - not even a hint.

Trying to hang in there... Trying to be strong... But the MIND is weak...

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Rhapsody, sorry - I misunderstood your original post, maybe.

Rhapsody - I would think that he would WANT to know if you're feeling bad.

Are you next to a printer? Why don't you put this in Word, print it, fold it and slip it to him:

"Honey, I don't know how to tell you this, but I feel awful and am scared about the downturn that my feelings have taken. I will probably need support and comfort from you, but it's uncomfortable for me to come right out and say it. Help me, please?"

Rhapsody, you can do this. He really needs to know and I believe that he will be supportive. we're here. xoxoxo pat

Dear LMO -

Sounds wonderful.... but sadly enough my printer is broke - boo hoo.

And YES he would want to know, but I fear what his reaction might be, for we have been going around and around with my nut case mind & thoughts for some time now - and all he wishes and wants (asked for) is PEACE in our life again.
So, how can I just turn and tell him that all this is about to change? - - - AGAIN!!

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Ok, then write it down on a piece of paper, then.

I know... He's going to be disappointed and scared himself, but honestly Rhapsody... if I were in his shoes, I'd rather know sooner than later. The longer you suppress your feelings, the worse it's going to get.

Plus, I'm sure you've both learned a lot from your previous episodes. It's not necessarily going to be worse than before. You're both more educated and experienced now.

Good luck, Rhapsody..

Hmm - what to do.... tell him now or call my insurance tomorrow and find a new therapist - then make an appointment, maybe even meds again?

BTW - I am hesitant in telling him, for you see he is the cause of my pain and lack of life with in me and he knows it (read anxiety section "My Fear Controls Me" for the story, if you desire to know).

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Rhapsody,

I am sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time right now. It must be hard enough for you to deal with your own emotions and feelings about what is happening to you. I think it is very brave of you to think about his reaction, and to want to protect him. I can understand your fear of his reaction, and that makes perfect sense. The peace he is asking for will come, and it will be a much calmer peace when you have been helped and cared for. Im not in any way suggesting it will be easy to tell him, but keeping it all in and to yourself is only going to trouble you more, and might make things harder in the long run. Maybe you can get him a card, a specialty card that tells him how much he means to you, and how his support is appreciated, and in it write him a little note to say whats going on, even if its a bit of whats happening, you dont need to hand him everything at once, but it might open up the communication line enough for you to talk with him about things a bit more. My thoughts go out to you, and I do hope all goes well. Please let others know how you make out. Best of all to you!

Sincerly,
Jodi

Ok - just got back from reading your other thread in Anxiety. I'm really sorry, Rhapsody. I hope you both can support each other through this.

Thanks LMo -

Now please, tell me this - how can I live with those feelings (among other feelings) in me, growing and controlling me at every turn and with every thought? - how does one get past all that while just finishing up getting past her awful abusive & wounded childhood?

I just feel so HOPELESS right now... in Life and in Love.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Only with a good therapist, and possibly some medication, I would imagine. Getting past 'hopeless'... a good therapist can be the difference between impossible and healing.

Do you have one? Have you been in touch with your local NAMI group?

No I do not have a therapist right now... have not seen one in three years. I will have to call my insurance company tomorrow and get the new list.

What is a NAMI group?

Thanks... the talking on here has helped to tame my inner feelings, the ones that were running WILD with stupid thoughts. Maybe I can get a good night sleep tonight and start a new tomorrow with the name of a good doctor? Hubby is going to bed at 10 pm and I think I will go and snuggle up with him, I usually feel safe in his arms.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

http://www.nami.org . NAMI stands for National Alliance on Mental Illness.

Click the Find Support link and you should be able to find a local NAMI group in your area.

Happy Snuggling,
LMo

Checking in, as to not leave any one concerned or worried about ME today....

While I did not go into full details with my husband last night about my true feelings and intentions, I did manage to tell he that I was going to be calling our insurance company today to get a list of our 2006 therapist.
I told him that I was needing help with a few issues that I cannot seem to get past - strong inner feelings that are controlling me and my life - plus I told him I was very scared of the down ward turn my feelings were taking...
He held me close and told me to do what I needed and he thanked me for being honest with him about what was going on - I was actually able to feel his love, if but for a moment.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.
feeling better and yet now wondering if I might have Bi-polar on top of everything else.... due to my feelings keep going from highs to low and from life to death - some times with in the same day and at other times with in days. I hate being two sided...

Thanks for the LINK, LMo - I will check it out today... some thing to keep my mind and hands busy until the family returns to me later on today.

I just wanted to second LMo about NAMI-I have been going to the Bipolar and Depression support groups at our local chapter since I got out of the hospital. This is an awesome organization that is dedicated to helping those of us with mental illness as much as they can. The groups are tremendous, they have helped me with medications--I don't know what I would do without them.

DJ

Good Morning Davey -

I just checked out the LINK and would you believe it - they have a group right here in my town.... AWESOME!! - now if I can just over come my fear and leave the house I might get some where.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

OK.... I did IT
I made an appointment with a Psychiatrist (in case I need meds - prob will) for January 27, 2006, that's in two weeks - the earliest they had.
I will be here off and on for a lot of support until I get in to see her.

Thanks a Million,
LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Rhapsody, I'm happy for you not only about your motivation to get help, but also that your husband was loving to you when you needed it the most

Good Morning LMo,

Yes, he was wonderful wasn't he, now if only the new therapist can just help my inner belief system to move past the fears and doubts that haunt me so from within - the ones that keep me from believing in his LOVE & NEED for me.

Some times I think my mind makes me see things differently than they are actually are (or) are not... and I hate that - the crazy side of feeling insane.

My MIND - My ENEMY - My Friend

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

You are so strong Rhap. I am proud of you.

Thank jmo -

I have my good days and my bad days.... and today is NOT a good day.
BUT - never the less I will hang in there. I just wish the two weeks was today so I might be seeing my new therapist and getting some medicine to help with these devastating moods swings - they are killing me.

I feel so hopeless and blue right now.... the old mind is running a muck on me again - going every where but with in the PeAcE. I do so need a real person to be with me right now, but all is at work - I will have to make it through the day on my own (as usual), or at least until the family all come home around 5 pm.

And - OUCH!!! - this stress of living in my mind & with my irrational thoughts have given me such a headache... even my 15 yr old noticed it last night - he said: Mom you must be stressed (due to my headaches) and he said why don't you talk to me and dad about what is bothering you, your problems, for I think it will help - it helped ______ (insert name).
WHAT A GOOD SON -

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

MORE INNER FEELINGS:

I hate the body I see in the MIRROR and the aging face that looks back at me... how (or why should) any body love me, want me?

I HATE the ME that wants to DIE... I fight to stay alive.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I NEED a ((((((( HUG )))))))

Good Night - I think I will go to bed for a while... I am feeling as though I am about to crack / break down and there is no one at home with me, nor any one at home that I can call - they are all at work.

I feel so lost & empty right now - no reason left in me, hopeing that the sleep will make it a little better when I wake.... son & hubby will be home by then.

Please say a PRAYER for ME.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -