Crushed. Dunno if I can make it.

How are you doing TAo? Has the depression lifted a little at all> ? Can you find something to ENJOY... have FUN doing.............. have you been able to just enjoy a moment? PM me anytime if you want to talk........

I'm tired, but trying to hang on.
I think I'll clean up my room. It's a mess. Everything is right now... everything's very confusing because of the ECTs. But I'm doing my best.
I hate being stuck at home. Wish it wasn't winter.
Hopefully I can afford a car soon, and hopefully I'll be able to find a job.
Ugh - I don't know where to start. I feel overwhelmed.
In answer to Vaqueraloca - I'm 21 today. And no, I can't get into school at this point, the semester has already started.

Happy Birthday Tao! Are you doing anything special today to celebrate?

Thanks. I'm going to try my first drink, something special at Applebees. ONLY one, with my dad and pastor. Interesting group, ey? I'm a goody-two-shoes, and that's how I like it.

I hope you enjoy your night out, then. My 18th and 21st birthday parties were very quiet, too. I personally think that makes them all the better...

My birthday was Feb 10.....I was so exhausted that I couldn't get out of bed & I was supposed to go to the partial hospital program. I just couldn't get my body out of bed & couldn't get the blanket from covering my head. I took enough of my meds to knock out an elephant & what surprised me was that my psychologist told me that when I feel that way & just can't function & am so totally exhausted, he said it was ok to take enough of my meds to knock me out so I can get my rest & keep the nightmares away. He has in the past called the paramedics on several of my OD's, but this time he felt that I only took enough to get me into the place where I could just get the rest I need.

Everysince my Mother died last year (Jan 9) I have been having more horrible feelings towards her & not that this year I am not dealing with the anorexia that I was dealing with last year, it feels great that he trusts me enough to know that I will no longer attempt suicide like I had in the past. The fear is that my pdoc wants me in the psych hospital & I know that doesn't help at all.....the partial program is good but being driven back & forth by my husband after getting into 2 accidents in 1/2 hour of each other, I am totally afraid of myself & I go through horrible fears of staying in my Mothers home after the ID theft that happened there with the voices & experiences.....I too feel crushed & realy don't know if I will be able to ever make it again......But I have no choice....I have another brand new foal (my mare is pregnant & due any time now). It seems like it will not be until March by the feeling of her, but I can't be tied up doing anything else when my filly is born.

It is frustrating that nothing can get in my way at this time & I have a million things going on in my life along with being totally exhausted.

I too don't know if I can make it, & completely understand your feelings. How can we force things to happen when they have to happen. It feels like when you have a surgery that is needed & there is no option tha to have the surgery.....It will happen no matter how much we don't want it to happen & we will have to live through it no matter what......we just don't have a choice.....but we just want to make it all go away no matter how good or how much better it will make us feel.

Life it really rough & for some reason we end up living through it because it just has to happen. Life is totally rough & there are so many times we just wish the time would be over I we could be put out to get through it.

I hope you can make it through your rough time like I hope we all can make it through our life issues. My prayers are for you to get through the rough time of your life you are going through & for all of us others who are having similar experiences.
Debbie