Rough night and might have SAD

I'm extremely upset right now because tonight has been rough one. My dad is sticking up for a 3 year old and I'm way older but anytime I'm at the house and I tell the kid to knock it off. I get yelled at. I see my dad with my nephew and think wow my dad really loves my nephew. I wish I felt the same way. My dad sometimes says I love you and that it. With my nephew its awhole another ball game. He loves on him and he plays with him. He does everything a good gparent does. Where was that guy when I was a kid. Why can't he show me he loves me? Why do I feel like a pieace a dirt under the rug when it comes to him. Why can't I be good enough for him? I know this may sound selfish or jealous of a 3 year old. I'm not jealous of a 3 year old. I would never want to be a kid again. I'm jealous because my dad loves him more then me. My nephew everyday tells me he doesn't want me to come in the house. My nephew tells me he doesn't like me. My nephew repeats what dad says to me. I can't win when it comes to a 3 year old and he knows it. I feel like this winter is going to kill me. I think I may have SAD not sure but probably have it. Right now i just want to hurl up in a ball and disapear. I don't want it to start early.

Just a bad day sorry!!

You have every right to feel the way you do. Do you feel comfortable enough to show your dad your post? sometimes parents don't realize what they are doing to their children.

I tried telling him and hes just kept yelling at me. I graduated awhile ago and I still need his approveal. GRR!!! I have also tryed when he is calm and he still yells at me how its aways my fault. I'm not saying I'm perfect but come on here. We can't have a relationship because of ME???

I don't think we ever stop needing our parents' approval, whatever our ages... As for your dad always yelling at you, why is that? Is there a neutral third party who can sit you with you two and talk things out? A family counselor maybe? or family friend? It's funny how we are with our families most of our lives and yet we often don't deal with the issues we have with each other. I know it is hard to do though because many people are set in their ways or don't know how to deal with things on a healthy level.

Well I had my mom sit in one time and he just walked out on me or got affensive about it. Counselor......thats funny he would never step in front of a counselor. He says that counseling is for the weak. Thats awhole another ball game there.

Counseling for the weak?...yeah, alright buddy.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad - hopefully writing out your feelings here helps a bit. Regarding SAD - what region do you live in? While this isn't the one single factor responsible for the illness, it can make preexisting depression worse. I have mild depression year-round, but it's worse in winter because of SAD. It gets dark in Michigan anywhere from 4 to 5pm during the wintertime, even earlier in the UP.

I think you are jealous of a three year old; don't want to be three again but wish you had the relationship with your dad that the three year old does. I did that with my nieces, even watched my eldest niece get slapped when she "wanted" my stepmother, her grandmother, more than her own mother.

You and your dad are at different places now, both in life experiences and time. I'm sorry your father could not hug and play with you and give obvious signs of love to you when you were your nephew's age, but that is not a reflection on you or your father now!

Do you want to just wish your father had showed his love for you more then, or do you want your relationship now to be better? Talk to your father about his life when he was the age you are now, how he coped with X, Y, and Z problems and what his life was like when you were young; get to know your father as a person instead of just thinking of him as a "father" and how well you think he did in that role for you. He is a grandfather now, that's a totally different role; he doesn't have the worries of raising your nephew, getting along with your sister or brother as a spouse while trying to make a living and a home at the same time.

If you don't want a relationship with your nephew, don't want to learn to relate to a child (good experience for having your own children; you think you'll "love" them like you think your father did not you, but where's your practice and experience doing so? Did you father get that practice anywhere before you came along? Obviously not.) then go to your room, the bathroom, the basement, somewhere he isn't and do something else if you feel bugged by him. Relationships are both choice and hard work. Because someone is a parent does not mean they "chose" to be with their children, their actions show that. It sounds like you and your father do not have a true relationship, but it is not too late if that is what you want to work on for yourself. You can't make your father participate but you can open communications to find out if he'd like to work on having a relationship now too.

Is there someone your father looks up to (a sports figure maybe?) or likes a lot that goes to therapy? If there is such a person, use that as an example that asking for help is not a weak thing to do. and Perna was right, your Dad is a person first and foremost and I wonder what his relationship with his parents was like? Might have something to do with why he yells at you so much...?

Around 5 it gets dark here.

Perna- I don't agree with you with the jealous thing but whatever. I have been working on my dad and I's relationship for along time. I know the way he was brong up and it was rough but my dad brong us up the only way he knew. I don't want to bring my kids up that way. I want a relationship with him and I have been trying. I know alot about my father because I have asked not because he has just told me. My dad has thrown in the towel with me and I keep throwing the towel back but he keeps dropping it. Its been 4 or 5 years when i first started. All he got to do is pick up the towel and try. I'm not saying that I'm perfect. I'm just saying that it takes two.
The whole thing about my nephew. I think your totally wrong when it comes down to that. I play with my nephew everyday that hes not yelling at me to leave. I love that kid to death. I'm kind of ticked you even written that but that whatever too. I take him and spoil him. Sometimes you need a break. We live together. I see him everyday. So NO I think your wrong when you say I don't want a relationship with my nephew.

My dad loves NASCAR but he doesn't look up to anyone that is famous. He just not like that.

Good for you for always trying Not only are you trying to know your father but he is telling you about himself (even if you have to ask). That is wonderful communication. So since you know his upbringing was rough, maybe he was yelled at a lot? and like you said, that is the only way he knows? It doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

People are complicated...Someone I know scolds her husband constantly, but she doesn't scold anyone else. That is because she is constantly testing his love because she felt unloved as a child. She secretly can't believe he loves her as much as he does...