Negativity..

i have always been really negative keep in mind i have always been treated like **** all my life...and the negatavity towards myself never towards anyone else...i lost a freind i considered a brother and still havent been able to get over it...his reason was never really clear as he never gave me one after i practically was begging for one...i didnt understand how he could just ditch me like that when i really needed someones support and understanding...well now i come to find out that he stopped being my "freind" because i was always negative..but i think thats a lof od ********...because i was never negative to him i always supporting and helping anytime he needed me i was there in a second basically...but was that a real reason to ditch me as a freind considering the negativity was to myself....what do u guys think??...maybe it was and i do need to chang that but i dont see that as a good reason

its not what you want to hear, but yes, i can see not being friends with somebody any longer due to negativity. it gets old, it drags people down. the idea is, if you cant have respect for yourself, how can you expect others to have respect for you? there are some peoples posts i dont even bother reading anymore here on PC because they are always negative so i feel like i am wasting my time responding to them.

what you want to understand is that your thoughts, actions and feelings are all interconnected. if your thoughts about yourself are negative, u are most likely going to make negative decisions leading to negative feelings about yourself creating this constant negative cycle. how can you ever possibly feel good about yourself? you may have always been treated like s**t, but the choice is yours to continue that abuse. so your friend could have left for two reasons. 1. he couldnt stand being around the constant negativity. 2. it hurt him to continually watch you hurt and demean yourself

only you have the power to change this. i highly doubt youre a piece of crap you have been told you are. make an inventory of things you are good at. like you said, you are supportive of your friends. think of other things. when you find yourself getting down on yourself, stop and replace those thoughts with the positive attributes that you have come up with instead. it will take awhile, but you can change the way you talk to yourself. make a focused effort to not bad talk yourself around friends. ask them questions about their lives instead. they will enjoy being around you more without the negativity.

i really want the change...but have no idea where to start...for fear of being put down once i start seing the change...this lifestyle is not for me..i just need a good and positive way to jump start the change

Are you seeing a therapist? That's an excellent way to jump start the change, so to speak.

I've been struggling with depression for quite a long time and while I can't always control my negativity, I work like a demon to keep it reined in when I'm forced to socialize. It is Hard. Work. But it is possible, you just have to learn to compartmentalize your emotions, focus on the moment, focus all of your attention on the other person, and keep it together for others' sake. You can let it all hang out when you're here, when you're speaking with a professional, but putting on a game face for social interaction isn't just something you do to make your life easier, it's a kindness we do for other people. Because the ones who care about you deserve the best part of you.

It's not an easy reality to face, but depression can make the sweetest person a toxic, self-centered a-hole. You can't blame others for wanting to distance themselves from the toxicity.

I hope you're able to get the support you need in short order.

I am so sorry, Bagged. I feel like I may have implied that *you* are a toxic, self-centered a-hole when I was actually trying to communicate that negativity can eventually lead to toxic behavior, which will repel others. I had someone in particular in mind when authoring my previous post and the phrasing came out very awkwardly and fell short of the message I wanted to communicate. This has been bugging me all day and I just hope I didn't cause you additional grief.

Again, I'm sorry.

no i didnt take it like that at all...but i did understan the toxic part...and i now know it is very contageous that people dont want to be around...i too myself shut someone a while back not because they were negative to themselves but because they constantly picked and made fun of me to a very intense level when supposebly they were my "freind"