[turquoisesea]

Have any of you had trouble dealing with relationships while depressed?

I had an issue the other night, I basically communicated with someone inappropriately. I had been getting depressed over things all day and just wasn't thinking clearly. I sent an email that maybe should have been written, but not sent. Maybe if sent at all completely rephrased because it came off completely wrong.

When I'm depressed my ability to communicate goes down, but my need to do so goes up.

How do people deal with this?

[roads]

From experience (BAD experience) I spend more & more time in my cave the worse the depression is. I communicate progressively less. If I have to communicate I only do it in emails & never send them the day I write them. I basically never answer the phone.

You asked how we deal. You wanted to know, though, how we deal well?

I don't. I'll read the rest of your responses with great interest.

[turquoisesea]

If I have to communicate I only do it in emails & never send them the day I write them.

that might actually be a good plan though

I'm a natural introvert to begin with, but when I get extremely depressed, I tend to be alone even more often. I don't mind it, really. If I am feeling depressed, then why would I bother being with other people, trying to act happy when I'm feeling the complete opposite? Too much work.

[Clare76]

Yep, do that, I call it hibernating.
Basically dont answer the phone, dont open emails, Dont go out.
Dont even open the curtains.
Just dont, till the light returns.

But I also know that its not good for me to do that and sometimes I might make an effort to contact someone but only through email or txt.

[Man'n'Black]

When I'm depressed my ability to communicate goes down, but my need to do so goes up.

How do people deal with this?

Yep, do that, I call it hibernating.

Finally words I can understand...

I want people 'skills' but my mood repels people, making my mood darker and the need stronger, a circle that seems endless...

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

Have any of you had trouble dealing with relationships while depressed?

I had an issue the other night, I basically communicated with someone inappropriately. I had been getting depressed over things all day and just wasn't thinking clearly. I sent an email that maybe should have been written, but not sent. Maybe if sent at all completely rephrased because it came off completely wrong.

When I'm depressed my ability to communicate goes down, but my need to do so goes up.

How do people deal with this?

I can only empathize

(((((((((((((( turquoisesea ))))))))))))))

[kaliope]

i am HORRIBLE about this. i get this idea in my head, that somebody holds the key to getting me better and i will write explicitly long emails so intimate that i want to crawl under a rock in embarrassment when i am stable enough to realize what i have done. but i am COMPELLED to write and send them. there is no stopping me. and the poor receivers have said, "kaliope, i was so worried, i didnt know if i should show up with the cops or not" and "it is really hard being your friend" because they dont know how to respond. so i have explained to them that it is part of my illness and the compulsion and that they dont even have to read them, just to delete them. so i set it up with one friend that i would email him. the subject line would be "do not read" and i would write what ever i needed to and send it off to him and he would just delete it. this way i could address my need to get it out and get rid of it and he wouldnt be burdened with the stress of worrying about me. it worked out really well.

[supraguy17]

I went into hibernation for too long and when I finally crawled back out I realized I had no friends and little family who still wanted anything to do with me.Now I hate the isolation and feel weird about asking people to hang out I feel embarrassed.I guess the moral of my story is it is ok to hibernate but don't get lost in it.Take time to explain this issue with your friends so they don't feel rejected when you want nothing to do with them.

[Irreplaceable]

I do what someone else said...Whenever I have the urge to write and send someone a letter/text/email/anything, I learned to NEVER send the letter the same day....I always make myself wait one day, and then if I still feel the need to send it, then I will send it...

And how do I deal with relationships while depressed? I hiberenate...Isolate myself...Don't accept any calls or respond to texts...I will lay on the couch, preferrably the bed, get my remote, get my snacks and juice, and lay around all day...Watch tv...Sleep off and on...My fiance doesn't like it, calls me lazy...I shut everyone out...Everyone in the house gets one worded answers...At work, when I don't feel like being bothered, I just smile and say, "hello" and keep it moving...I stay in my cubicle all day and please don't come in my cubicle on an "off" day...Unless you are a supervisor or manager, don't ask me stupid questions or disturb me...I promise you, you won't like what I say or how I say it...Luckily I work a job where I don't have to be bothered with folks...I come in, do my job, and leave...On a good day, I will converse with folks, but besides that, you DON'T want to talk to me...Believe me...

[roads]

Originally Posted by Irreplaceable

On a good day, I will converse with folks, but besides that, you DON'T want to talk to me...Believe me...

Believe me, I believe you.

Roadrunner

[fight-flight]

No such thing as depression.. thats what my family think and are quite verbal about. In fact anything they are not comfortable with, dont have any personal experience of or have but wont admit to ... either doesnt exist or you are stupid for sharing such a 'weakness' in your character. They espouse the 'Pull yourself together' mantra of ignorance. Guess it makes them feel better ....

So, needless to say Im not great at approaching family!!! and this also affects my sharing with friends and mental health professionals per se. At the worst times I just cant approach anyone.

I isolate myself and gradually retreat from all relationships the more it becomes almost hypocritical to keep up appearances for the sake of other people. Phone goes on answer machine till people get sick of leaving messages. Ive gone sick from work for weeks and then left jobs when it has gotten too much.

So, I dont do great ..and it generally does make things worse because I then feel guilty about not getting back to people ..not being able to be happy for them etc. I tell myself its for the best at the time ...justify it.

I do recognise the early signs more now...so I have staved off some bouts ..but as I speak Ive not crossed the door for months and a have a partner who does almost everything to keep thigs ticking over.

Just hoping sharing on this site will stop me crashing any further

[kj44]

When I'm depressed, it doesn't matter who tries to communicate with me, I don't listen to anyone, or, try to talk to anyone.Now if I'm just upset, and wrote something to someone, I'm on Irreplaceable's side, wait a day!

[garden gal]

I can really relate to this thread! I think that in my depression I tend to assume that people don't like me, are annoyed by me, offended by me, etc.... I had been feeling some weirdness between me and my best friends lately, and thought they had been seeming a bit distant. I summoned some courage the other day and asked them about it. They said that they had just been busy, and that they hadn't had the time or energy to "reach out" to me... and that they were feeling guilty about this. Although I can understand being busy, I felt like total crap when I heard their response. The people closest to me in the world view me as someone that they feel an obligation to "reach out to." Maybe I'm interpreting that in an unhelpful way, but I really feel about an inch tall after that.

garden gal

[St406]

I agree with all here... my depressive episodes isolate me and I somehow then work to perpetuate it. I'm learning to fight that tendency and keep moving and keep in contact with people even superficially as the aftermath is just more to deal with. Only one has mentioned medications. I'm learning to stay on mine as my descent into depression can last months now.Previously I got away with taking meds as needed. I think isolation furthers itself and makes it harder for me to recover.

[bagged5pt7]

Originally Posted by garden gal

I can really relate to this thread! I think that in my depression I tend to assume that people don't like me, are annoyed by me, offended by me, etc.... I had been feeling some weirdness between me and my best friends lately, and thought they had been seeming a bit distant. I summoned some courage the other day and asked them about it. They said that they had just been busy, and that they hadn't had the time or energy to "reach out" to me... and that they were feeling guilty about this. Although I can understand being busy, I felt like total crap when I heard their response. The people closest to me in the world view me as someone that they feel an obligation to "reach out to." Maybe I'm interpreting that in an unhelpful way, but I really feel about an inch tall after that.

garden gal

i couldnt agree more..i feel the same...except now i feel like the two "freinds" i hda left dont even call me anymore...so im kinda alone now..besides coworkers which i dont see out of work.

[Fuzzybear]

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[madisgram]

sea, i can totally relate to your post. my depression can disguise itself in the form of anger-not often but it does occur. usually a trigger starts the wheels in motion. it's only after i "send" that i realize or become aware what i've done wrong or inappropiate. this behavior is not my normal way. the best thing i find to do is apologize promptly and hope it's accepted.

[maryevelynn]

I feel like because I "hibernate" when I get really depressed I've gradually lost the majority of my friends. Besides confiding in both my boyfriend and mom, I've been reluctant to share my depression with others and therefore am always hiding and pretending in relationships which doesn't lend itself well to long-term close friendships. This is one of the most difficult life consequences of depression I've discovered and haven't been able to remedy with medcation, therapy, behavior modification, etc.

Who in your life knows about your diagnosis or struggles? And how honestly have you shared your experience with them?