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#1
Nov 16, 2003, 01:41 PM
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Feeling as if my whole world has collided,I worked so hard to give myself things I could never have. now I don't Have anything,again!! I look back and see how much time I'v invested into everything and still I have nothing. I feel so Angry deep inside, so Angry a simple word could just make me cry. 8 yrs in a relationship that "FAILED", 5 yrs as a sales consultant" FAILED".3 yrs in an apartment I invested so much money in "FAILED". I feel I am a complete Failure. all thanks too feeling sorry for myself and this stupid PTSD! always in the wrong place at the wrong time...
I turn to the Bible to get some comfort and try to stop my thoughts from racing. just to keep myself from crying.Everyday I want to cry.I want to screem. WHY?? I feel so confused. getting ready to go back too moms, I feel embarresed, ashamed,Numb and cold. Thoughts just keep racing. what will I be, Deciding My future feels like a dream.I'm going to sleep!
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When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth & love have always won. there have been tyrants & murderers, and for a time they can be invincible, but in the end they always fall.think of it... always. Mohandas Gandhi... |
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#2
Nov 16, 2003, 03:39 PM
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Hi Duchess
First think you are no fail;ure, It is just only in your thoughts. You will find what you want again and happier days will come.I know exactly what you mean by Stupid PTSD, I have it too. I know it can take a lot out of you., it not your fault.o-kay!!!! Is going home a positive place for you? Are you on any meds? I take Seroqual(quatipine) for mythoughts and it can help. I have lost a lot in my life also but I try and look at it and say"WeLL AT LEAST I HAD ---FOR ____AMOUNT OF TIME< so what is next for me" I try and put a positive spin on things. I know this does mot really take away all the hurt , but it helps a little. Are you seeing a Therapist? Sometimes that can help also, they can help you put things more into perspective if they are any good and help you sort through the bad and help set new goals. Hopeing this was a little helpful Keep us posted it is a great place. Take Care |
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#3
Nov 16, 2003, 03:42 PM
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Hugs for (((((Duchess)))) =
 <font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue> 
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#4
Nov 16, 2003, 05:29 PM
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Duchess, those thoughts are Lyin' Depression talking to you. They're not true. We all have losses and yes, they're painful, but as long as we have life, we have all we need. I know... it doesn't help much now, does it? Just know that you are not alone. After I re-read your PM to me, some cord was struck inside somewhere. My heart went out to you and it's still there. Know that I care... and so do the people here on the board. Do what you must, but above all, take care of YOU.
<center>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Duchess}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</center>  
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
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#5
Nov 17, 2003, 09:06 AM
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Thanx for replying to my post I'm still feeling like poop!!! I was hoping to go to sleep last night and hope today would've been such a better day. but, it's not. Not my days or nightmares! everything just feels so for real and I guess it's all just taking it's toll. No, I'm not on meds yet when I get back on my feet i will find what's best for me. for know I can deal with crying spells. Home, ya in a way it's positive. I'll get alot of affection from my mother and brothers. but, I lose my silence, My Isolation and privacy. At the same time it just makes alot of memory's resurfes being home and not alone. I keep my distance from my mom's boyfriend and a OPEN EYE out when I sleep or shower! thanx again soscared
keep in touch and I will deffinitly keep posting gives me sanity. ABOUT THE NINTH HOUR JESUS CRIED OUT IN A LOAD VOICE, "ELOI,ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?"~WHICH MEANS~"MY GOD, MYGOD,WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?" ~MATTHEW27:46. MY GOD,MYGOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?WHY ARE YOU SO FAR FROM SAVING ME,SO FAR FROM THE WORDS OF MY GROANING?~ PSALM 22:1
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When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth & love have always won. there have been tyrants & murderers, and for a time they can be invincible, but in the end they always fall.think of it... always. Mohandas Gandhi... |
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#6
Nov 17, 2003, 09:10 AM
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Peanut~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That's soooooo cute !! How do you do that? I want it ! Thank you ! right back at you. ABOUT THE NINTH HOUR JESUS CRIED OUT IN A LOAD VOICE, "ELOI,ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?"~WHICH MEANS~"MY GOD, MYGOD,WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?" ~MATTHEW27:46. MY GOD,MYGOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?WHY ARE YOU SO FAR FROM SAVING ME,SO FAR FROM THE WORDS OF MY GROANING?~ PSALM 22:1
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When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth & love have always won. there have been tyrants & murderers, and for a time they can be invincible, but in the end they always fall.think of it... always. Mohandas Gandhi... |
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#7
Nov 17, 2003, 09:17 AM
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Wow Sept ,
I'm a Little sensitive today again. I know it's Depression, like I said everthings just taking it's toll! Thoughts keep racing. believe it or not you guys are really the only ones that can truely understand me and not judge me. You really do know how to bring out the tears in me. Talk too you soon. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Your friend ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Duchess~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ABOUT THE NINTH HOUR JESUS CRIED OUT IN A LOAD VOICE, "ELOI,ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?"~WHICH MEANS~"MY GOD, MYGOD,WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?" ~MATTHEW27:46. MY GOD,MYGOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?WHY ARE YOU SO FAR FROM SAVING ME,SO FAR FROM THE WORDS OF MY GROANING?~ PSALM 22:1
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When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth & love have always won. there have been tyrants & murderers, and for a time they can be invincible, but in the end they always fall.think of it... always. Mohandas Gandhi... |
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#8
Nov 23, 2003, 08:21 AM
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Hi Duchess
(Did u know thats Black Beautys mothers name?) First of all . . failure? Pffft .... NO ! Look at what you achieved in those years. I know it seems like you wasted your time but you didn't, you lived ur life in that time and thats how it was. Don't be embarressed, you've nothing to be embarressed about . . . and you know what else? At least you have a mum at home who cares and is willing to help you - that has to be a good thing right? Your mum is showing you that shes there no matter what, and hey everyone goes to their mum at some stage . . . . . I know its easy for me to say cheer up etc and trust me im a great 1 for giving advice but crappy at taking it :P so at least take comfort in knoing that theres people out here for you  Kim xxx You only have ONE chance to make a first impression, Kia Kaha
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You only have ONE chance to make a first impression, Kia Kaha |
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#9
Nov 23, 2003, 09:11 AM
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NZGLA,
Thank u so much for the words of comfort. I know my mother luvs me and I will always have a roof over my head. these past few days were just really hard on me and I lost site of what direction I'm heading in. but these past two days. it's been an amazing feeling of feeling like me again,ME....... I just need to stay focused and I too am one too give great advise, but never take it for myself. thank you soooo much for your response, I will be back Dec. 2 . all take care now. you have all been a back bone too me and I hope that I am TOO USE!!! ABOUT THE NINTH HOUR JESUS CRIED OUT IN A LOAD VOICE, "ELOI,ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?"~WHICH MEANS~"MY GOD, MYGOD,WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?" ~MATTHEW27:46. MY GOD,MYGOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?WHY ARE YOU SO FAR FROM SAVING ME,SO FAR FROM THE WORDS OF MY GROANING?~ PSALM 22:1
__________________
When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth & love have always won. there have been tyrants & murderers, and for a time they can be invincible, but in the end they always fall.think of it... always. Mohandas Gandhi... |
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#10
Nov 23, 2003, 01:12 PM
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AWWWW Duchess... I didn't mean to make you cry!
 I know how it is to be so sensitive, though. We cry at the silliest things sometimes, don't we?  Nothing to be ashamed of! Take care of YOU and hurry back. {{{{{{{{{{{{Duchess}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
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