Very Depressed

I am so depressed. I am not eating or sleeping. My self esteem is completely gone and I don't know what to do. My boyfriend blames everything on me and it hurts so bad because at times, I believe it is my fault. I have never been so hurt in my life. Everyone keeps telling me to cheer up or don't let it get to me, but these thoughts aren't in there heads. I want to get better so bad but I really don't know how. I am seeing a counselor but days after I see her it just gets worst. I can't function at home. All I want to do is lie and my bed. I keep asking myself what is wrong with me. I pray for God to take these feelings away from me but they keep getting worst. I don't know exactly what I am asking from the forum. I guess I just needed to get my feelings out in the open.

You are depressed. Sorry to state the obvious. are you on any meds?

People are frequently not understanding of those that're depressed. :/

I am so sorry but I hear your pain. I cycle up and down a lot, and some days the pain seems like it will never end. There are a lot of us on this forum who really care and I pray that you will find comfort and healing here. It seems that the only way out of depression is through it. In facing my pain head on better days do come. Maybe not soon enough for my liking. Be good to yourself and take care of yourself. You are special and you are loved.

Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time.
Like Sophia, one question that comes to mind is: are you on any medication? Some people can get through their depression without meds, some can benefit from medication. You might be one of those people who would benefit. Also, remember that we are here to listen, anytime.

Thanks everyone for the kind words. I am taking meds but they really aren't helping. The counselor I go to doesn't prescribe meds. I feel better after I talk to her and get the feelings out but I tried to see her today but she wasn't there. I pray and pray for better days but it seems like it is getting worst. The only reason I still have a job is because I have the best supervisor in the world and she is there for me. I have 3 kids at home and I can't even give them my all because of what I am going through. I have had depression before but it has never been this bad.

I know how painful it is to be depressed. I know the painful knot in your stomach that won't go away and keeps you from eating feels like it's going to be there forever. I know your brain won't "slow down" or "go to sleep" when you want to go to bed at night... depression is the worst feeling a human being can experience in my opinion.

I know you want to get better, and there is good news... you will. It sounds to me like your boyfriend isn't any good for you... I see this a lot, when a woman comes on these forums and wishes to keep her boyfriend/husband in her life simply because she doesn't want to be alone, even if he hurts her emotionally or physically, it bothers me so much.

I cannot tell you how to live your life or tell you what to do. But in my opinion I don't think any guy who berates and is critical of his girlfriend/wife is worth having in your life. Being alone can be painful but once you work through the loneliness and depression and know you can be independant and take care of yourself... finding the right guy in your life would make a huge difference in how you feel.

I hope you take care of yourself and get better soon *hugs*

Thank you and I know he isn't good for me. I have three kids and right now him being in my home is for financial reasons. I know your just trying to help and I appreciate all the advice. I wish it was as simple as walking way and not dealing with him anymore. I have to think about where I will go and what will happen to my kids. If it was just me, I know that I could just walk away. I don't care about being alone. I was alone for along time before he came in my life and I will be alone when I finally can leave. I just want things to be easy and bearable while I am there. This depression goes deeper then him and I.

I'm very sorry want2talk... I didn't realize you had children to think about. I understand your situation is very difficult with them in the picture and you must think of them first and foremost... I really hope you find a way out of your relationship with him... I guess I just have a personal anger against men who hurt their wives and girlfriends.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you get the life you deserve without him in it soon.