Just want to give up on everything

I just want to give up on everything. I keep falling back into this. I just can't be happy. I can't be anything even close to it. I hate everything so much. I hate having no money but I hate looking for a job so much. Just endless looking through pages and pages of jobs that I don't have the experience for. I can't keep doing it and I don't want to go through the whole process of getting a job.

I feel so alone but I can feel myself just completely isolating myself from people. I don't feel like I deserve anyones friendship anymore. I haven't exactly been the best friend to anyone.. I barely leave the house. Maybe 1 or 2 a week at the most. I tell myself to get out and go outside but I can never even get out of bed let alone out the door. I don't even want to meet up with my friends anymore even though I miss them and I don't know why.

I've gained weight because of all the comfort eating and because I've barely moved and I just feel so hideous and horrible. I can't believe I let myself get let this but still all I want to do is eat. I can't help it.

I can't be bothered with anything anymore. My mum is constantly going on at me about everything.. because I'm so lazy, because I never go out, because I don't have a job or any money, because I always complain for ages when she asks me to do anything.. even the simplest of things. I can't help it though. I feel like a horrible daughter but she doesn't understand and I don't know how to even begin to expain to her. Not that I ever would. I just can't talk about my problems out loud at all.

I just wish I had someone to at least be there for me sometimes. I can't do this by myself. I honestly just feel like one day I'm going to really completely give up and I don't want to.

Hello, DownfallOfUsAll!
I believe and agree with you. Few non-depressives can appreciate the battle with despair, the struggle to amass even a little energy, the effort that goes into even the simplest of things.
It is entirely possible you will need some sort of active assistance to get back into life. Perhaps finding this help needs to be your priority. Directly getting a job might help and it might not.

I don't know what to tell you, but your journey through depression is of interest to everyone here.

just keep on posting your emotions on here, we are here for you.
as for the weight, when your up to it, just go for a walk, even if it's up and down your driveway.
if you like to read, read outside or on a park bench, if that's too much open up a window and let the fresh air in.
as far as food goes, i know what you mean, food doesn't talk back to you, but on the down side of it, it does add calories.
keep us updated

Dear one, are you able to talk to a professional? You definitely do sound depressed. As Rohag said, it's hard for people who have never been there to understand.

We do, though. And some folks have been where you are. Try to get up, though, and do at least one thing a day. Walking is great.

Can you talk to anyone IRL about how you feel? You don't say your age, but are you able to ask about a counselor?

As other folks said, please keep in touch with us! There is HOPE, whether you feel much of it right now or not.

Oh I'm 18 do yeah I guess I could but I'm so shy I just don't know how to even ask for the help. I'm not sure I can :/ I do try and get up but it's so hard sometimes.. I just don't see a point most of the time.