When the depression gets too overwhelming...

Sorry if I'm not allowed to post this - mods please let me know if it's a problem.

...When things get too overwhelming and the depression takes over and I can't cope with the negative dialogue in my head anymore, I've been known to slightly overuse my prescription medications, just to 'bomb' myself out a little (mainly to go to sleep for a while, say 24 hours or so), just to get a break from everything. I just need the relief every now and then.

I know it's not the best thing, BUT when it comes down to taking an extra valium, clonopin or ambien instead of SI'g, I kind of feel like it's the lesser of two evils, so to speak?

Right now I'm fighting the urge to take an extra clonopin just to 'numb' myself out

Back when I was a drinking alcoholic, I used to say that about drinking myself into a blackout vs sui. I sobered up before I drank myself to death. I guess in a way that's what you're looking for by fighting the urge to overdose tonight--another way to survive.

I really feel for you. I remember those physical feelings in the chest & gut when I had to turn off that tape in my head--MAKE IT SHUT UP!

I hope you'll get therapy as well as meds. If you have a T, maybe you need more support, more coping skills, even a different T. I'm pulling for you, tonight and down the road.

Hello, Evis! In view of your history, try to talk to your prescribing doctors about this. They should know your case and the meds. They may have ideas you may not have considered. For example, they might prescribe a certain medication or combination of meds to be taken on an "as needed" basis.

Your situation is exceptionally depressing, and your treatment team needs to take that into account.

Please look after yourself as best you can.

((((EVIS)))) if you are feeling way down, get help. There are numbers on PC, call your doctor or go the hospital. We hear you and have been there. Please take care of yourself.

Hi, thank you for all your supportive replies... I've just taken some valium to calm me down but not so much to 'knock me out'.

At the moment I am seeing one person who is a pdoc but who also does psychotherapy and i've been seeing him since I got booted out of college, so that's 3 months. He's very restrictive when it comes to prescribing meds, he only gives me 7 days supply at a time (anti-d's). The clonopin and valium I got from a previous doc though.

Since being put on medical leave from college I've been rejected from 2 outpatient treatment programs because they "did not have the services or level of support that someone like me would require". Last week I finally got accepted into an intensive outpatient program, but my insurance won't cover it. I discussed this with my pdoc at our last session on Wednesday and he wasn't sure what to do. I have to wait until he comes back from vacation.

I just feel like I've been cut adrift from everything I came to this city for and the only way to 'numb out' the pain of this isolation is to block it out :-(

Do your doctors both know what meds you are on. Some meds do not work with others so it is very important that they know. When I go see my doctors I take a bottle of each med with me so the know what I am taking. Have to do this as I can not remember what I am on.....LOL
7 day dose is a good thing for now. As you are so down they are protecting you. Wish you the best of luck.

Is it that the insurance won't cover the intensive outpatient therapy at all, or just the program you've been accepted to? It could be that the two other programs you received denials from are the ones in your insurance network and the other one is not. Often what you can do is call the insurance company and tell them that you tried to go to one in network, but they were not able to take you. Then they can sometimes make provisions for you to use one out of network as long as you have the documentation that you tried to stay in network. It may come with a higher coinsurance or some other adjustment, but you could still go.

If it's a matter of them not approving the IOP at all, then your doctor can appeal to them saying you need this level of care to avoid going into an inpatient situation, which would undoubtedly be more cost-effective for them. (You've got to speak their language, and money is one thing they definitely understand.)

I hope you are able to get the treatment you need soon.

You're not alone in this, Evis. I've been going through a med change for what seems like months. My doc prescribes Ativan, and believe it or not, atarax (when I get really stressed I break out in hives). I try to stick to the later, because it's not addicting (i'm a recovering alcoholic, 24 years sober). But, I rarely make it thru a day without one or more "extras". She knows about it all, and it thankful that I can get through the day and be productive while my mood is so, so low.

I have also discovered some herbal, legal additives that help a lot, but I can't take them in the afternoon, cuz then I can't sleep.

I feel your pain. You're not alone.

"So sorry. We only take the easy cases. If you're going to die, please do it somewhere else. Have a nice day!"

They could at least give you a referral.

i also got kicked out of college. i was in school out of town, had a boy friend i was convinced was "the one", slept with him, and shortly after he cheated on me. i didn't take the break up well and got pretty deprssed. i confided in a school staff member i trusted, and she suggested i see a dr. connected to the school since i only had my therapist back home. the dr suggested i take a day or two to pull myself together - my first hospital stay. after 2 days, i got out, feeling much better. i went straight to the woman i had confided in to tell her i was ready to go back to class. she told me that i could not be on school propety with out a security escort until the dr conected to the school cleared me. she made it very clear that that was not going to happen. i was too big of a liability. it sure didn't help my frame of mind much...i've never really goten over that. i should have sued the jerks!

My doctor knows what meds I am on and he monitors them very closely. He also knows that I have clonopin and valium leftover from a prescription which I got from my previous doc. The thing is the clonopin and valium help me a lot and I'm always honest about when I take them.

The problem with my insurance is that they will only cover 30 days of outpatient therapy and nothing beyond that. The 2 programs that rejected me said that 30 days would not be enough to help me and so they weren't willing to take me on in the first place. The third place is willing to take me on but said I have to find a way to pay for treatment beyond 30 days. I have no way of doing this.

curlydee I'm sorry to hear you also got kicked out of college. Being kicked out of college has been a very harsh experience... it has cut me off from my peers (my main support network that I was just beginning to establish) and has left me with an 8 month void to fill. I feel like it's going to be a very long winter.

Evie

Hang in there you are not alone! I will be thinkin of you!

What a lousy school!

Seems there are many lousy schools out there.

My school created my homeless situation in that they told me while I was in hospital that they were kicking me out my dorm because I was deemed to be "too high risk" . They practically kicked my stuff out onto the sidewalk.

Then that created a situation where the hospital could not legally discharge me because they had to place to discharge me to. So I was stuck in hospital for an extra 7 days, well that ran up my medical expenses.

Finally I had to get someone I barely knew to let me crash on their floor for a couple of days until I could find temporary housing.

F*** you (insert name of college)