[missdell]

hey, cannot stop the thoughts today after concluding yesterday that i'm going to be a hermit lol, and just thinking of myself like that now with no hope is crushing.

had lots of therapy and after realising that all the work i put in, i'm never gonna feel entitled to a life, its too hard, unless i marry somebody who's able to support me completely , but doing it on my own and with the help of unreliable friends I might make is really beginning to look pointless. I dont even have energy to change and make an effort though I wanted to, but its looking too late to be anyone now. I'm not eating properly and just emotionally eat really bad, but I've become too attached to destroying myself in this way. I'm 21 and my past of withdrawing for the last 4 years is just going to haunt me wherever i go now, my family are all the same and dont bother having a life, im trapped into their life i dont know how to escape them without feeling like I'm being a fake, any advice please needed

Hi missdell, its hard I know. I'm sure others here can offer you advice.

[Perna]

I'm 61 and started therapy when I was 20 (finished when I was 55). It is all worth it; if I had to go through that life of hell again, I'd do it to get to where I am now. I did not marry until I was 39 so you have a few years yet to worry about that :-)

Grab an interest, any interest (I started with reading; was reading 5+ books a week, mostly young adult fantasy novels) and worked outward from there.

[Dreamy01]

At a risk of sounding unintentionally patronising, 21 is still very young to be deciding what the rest of your life will be like. Obviously suicide at any age is a tragedy but I always feel an extra pull of sadness when someone so young is comtemplating ending it all or even just resigning to a destructive or empty life. A huge amount can change in one year never mind five or ten, and at 21 you are still wrestling with becoming adult which is hard for anyone even with a healthy background (assuming yours isn't).

I'm in my thirties and my life has changed radically from my largely suicidal late teens and early twenties. It certainly isn't a picnic (external factors) but I don't feel like I'm going to kill myself anymore. Life can change/get easier if you give it a chance. You never know how you'll feel a few years down the line. At times like this I do think it's important to try and remember situations/feelings are temporary, no matter how all emcompassing they feel at the time.

Like Perna said, start with an interest, however basic. I don't think we need to achieve much to have a good life. Just find something worthwhile, no matter how small. Take it from there. You never know what's around the corner.

[missdell]

thanks all,

been reading about cutting your family out of your life and i think im going to do this, at least for a few years with minimal contact.

i dont need to be in this pain, and suddenly i feel happier and more hopeful. the authority they have over my mind is unnecessary and im not afraid to look after myself and find security and safety in me and my future. suddenly im more concerned about looking after my health, sorting out my work situation and going out and finding friends wherever they may be!

family are toxic and the pressure to stay loyal to them is ignorant idiocy. i dont need this pain at all and im going to think for me for once.

[tooski]

Originally Posted by missdell

thanks all,

been reading about cutting your family out of your life and i think im going to do this, at least for a few years with minimal contact.

i dont need to be in this pain, and suddenly i feel happier and more hopeful. the authority they have over my mind is unnecessary and im not afraid to look after myself and find security and safety in me and my future. suddenly im more concerned about looking after my health, sorting out my work situation and going out and finding friends wherever they may be!

family are toxic and the pressure to stay loyal to them is ignorant idiocy. i dont need this pain at all and im going to think for me for once.

Sounds like a good plan!! I had to get away from my family too, for a few years, like you said with minimal contact. Yes, you must think of yourself first. Your determination is impressive --- Good luck! And I didn't get married until I was 32, and married a wonderful man. So glad I waited!

[missdell]

Originally Posted by tooski

Sounds like a good plan!! I had to get away from my family too, for a few years, like you said with minimal contact. Yes, you must think of yourself first. Your determination is impressive --- Good luck! And I didn't get married until I was 32, and married a wonderful man. So glad I waited!

thankyoouu for the support, they screwed me up so badly, and i should have spent more time at uni finding myself but stayed isolated. im redoing my final year, hope to meet some fun real friends and figure out who i am! i never got to be myself at home for a day and have kept that prison going. i am terrified of the big wide world, but im open to completely anything now, and i need to get a job and earn some cash for a roof over my head! hope i survive!

[CgRgSm]

Wow Perna, 35 years of therapy? Pardon me, but F*** that! I can't imagine it. This makes me wanna die more. Anyways, missdell - I am 22 years old (male) and I feel the same almost exactly as you. Being a hermit is all I have to look forward to, unless I just live with my family for the rest of my life, which I really don't want to do. I have had maybe 1 friend in my life, when I was 6 years old, and wtf good is that I was just a kid it was meaningless. I have felt and still feel totally worthless, helpless, lonely, miserable, and empty in my life. I hate everything about my life, and I don't see that changing. I'm so messed up, there's no starting over. I am glad for you that you still have some willpower to get real friends and do things for yourself. You still have a chance. I have no interests, I cannot "grab" an interest. For me, nothing in the world interests me. Everything is boring, and I don't even think I am myself, I am just a being that is controlled by this body deathtrap. I hate talking about myself but I just wanted to tell you here I am another person that can relate.